Just for Now

Chapter Three

Okay, last change. I swear. I just worked out the final book plan and wanted to add in this chapter and make the journal entries separate chapters. I swear I'm done confusing you all.

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Cole threw his pen to the papers in front of him on his desk in frustration. A day had passed since he and Allison had decided to fake it for the wedding. He had been trying to work out something on an audit for one his clients but his mind couldn't focus on anything except what would transpire the next few days. The entire plan was insane, and it was eating at him that they would be lying to his family like this. He took care of his family, he didn't trick them like this. 

He was in the office, which was typical for him nowadays. He never used to work in person, since he could usually do his job from home. But Allison worked at home most of the time, and he thought he would save them the awkward encounters for the night. It was a benefit that she was working late now, even though that was one of the very things to drive a wedge between them over the last few months. She had worked at this newspaper for years now and was up for a promotion she had been pushing for since she started. It kept her at her computer for hours long past when she should be. Her missing their anniversary dinner was what pushed Cole over the edge. 

They had always been in step with each other. But they didn't move in sync anymore. Cole wanted a family, and Allison didn't. He told her he would stay at home to raise the baby, and that they could adopt if she didn't want to carry it. But she wasn't budging. She didn't want to have anything pull her from her career. He understood and didn't want to put her into a situation she didn't want to be in, but that didn't make it easy. 

She would always tell him she would be ready in a few years, but it hadn't happened yet. The longer they waited, the more it felt like they were letting life pass them by. Nobody could plan for what happened in life. You couldn't plan for something coming in and ruining everything. He didn't want to look back and realize he ran out of time. 

"Man, what is up with you?" Cole turned to see his friend, Evan, waltzing towards him. As always, he wore a classy suit and had his dark hair styled to perfection, nothing ever out of place. "You've broken, like, six pens today."

"I'm good, sorry—" he began to dismiss before pausing. Evan didn't have any ties to his family. They met through work a few years ago and he had grown to be one of Cole's closest friends. But he only met the Alvarez family in passing a few times, and it wouldn't matter if he knew what was going on. "Actually, can you keep a secret?"

It took him a bit to get through everything. Evan already knew they were having some issues from times they had met for drinks, but he didn't know the extent of it yet. He remained stoic throughout, not reacting to any of the information he was being told. It was what he liked most about Evan, he had the kind of aura that made you think everything would be just fine. And he needed that right now.

"So, yeah," Cole sighed out, nodding as he finally took a breath, "that's why I'm kinda out of it."

Evan narrowed his eyes, tilting his head as he took a moment to process. "So... you're going on a trip with your wife who you're getting a divorce with?"

"Yup," Cole confirmed simply. "Not my best plan, is it?"

"Do you... want this?" Evan asked carefully, not taking his eyes off Cole.

Cole shrugged with a grimace. "Yeah, look, my family would freak if they—"

"No, I mean, do you want to get a divorce?" Evan interjected bluntly, making Cole pause.

He didn't want to admit it to himself. He didn't want to have to really deal with it. Because then that would make this real. But Evan asking him so plainly felt like someone pouring cold water over him as he slept. 

"No," Cole admitted quietly. "I wanna fight to make things work, but I just don't think that's what she wants anymore. So, I'm letting her go."

Evan lifted an eyebrow. "What makes you so sure?" 

"We just want different things, man," Cole told him in defeat. "I wanna have a family, and she doesn't. I'm not gonna put pressure on her for that."

"I mean, you're still young, dude, what's the rush?" his friend asked hesitantly.

Cole fought a grimace. 

He didn't know, that was the thing. 

He didn't know what the rush was. 

All he knew was something about not getting his life moving made his skin crawl.