August 11th, 2019
And there it is.
The realization that moments ago, that was our last kiss
That was our last time
Our last handholding
Our last outing
Our last text
Our last ounce of love we had for each other.
Those were our last's
"We aren't meant to be."
It's the first time I hear you say this
And the words echo unbearably inside my head
Suddenly I start to think that this will be the last time I ever see you
Because there's no way I'm staying in a place where I can run into you everyday
I can't go anywhere that doesn't remind me that I was here with you
I can't accept that I would have to look at you without kissing you or touching you
Or that I will have to let go of whatever dream or desire I had of you being my future
But there is no future
There's only now.
There's only you and me as you tell me, "it started out beautifully but I don't know exactly when this became toxic."
And I sit there and beg and refuse for my life to be again how it was before I met you
Except this time I wouldn't daydream about a stranger with a faceless face
This time I'd know who you are
What you look like
I'd know your name
I'd know you'd be out there
Without me.
Thinking I could be letting go of the one
Thinking there's no way I wanna go home and know for certain that you are not mine
But at the same time I think... it was foolish to ever think you'd been mine at all..
