The Altruistic Pilot: A Jake Seresin TopGun fan fiction

Chapter 10

     I only managed to sleep an hour or two. My dreams were filled with images of Jake's plane going down. Him screaming for help. I had tried to get to him, but I was too late every time. When I woke up in a cold sweat on the couch, I decided I didn't need to sleep anymore. Penny was still passed out beside me though. I sat up to stretch only to find all of my muscles ached. I had been so stressed for so long that my muscles had been tensed and straining the entire time. Now I was having to deal with the consequences of it. I didn't care, I could use the distraction.
As quietly as I can, I start a pot of coffee. I know Penny would need some when she woke up. Dax is up now and following me around. I take the time to let him outside to stretch his legs a bit.
     I somehow manage to get most of my usual morning routine done, before collapsing back on the couch beside Penny. She stirs slightly, but still doesn't wake up. I settle for reading the captions on the muted t.v. until she wakes up.
     It's not long after that Penny finally wakes.
"There is a pot of coffee brewing if you want some." I say to her. She sits up to stretch, looking over her shoulder into the kitchen.
"Did you get any sleep?" She asks while standing, heading for the coffee.
"No."
"I figured. Any news from Pete?"
"Your phone never went off again, so I'm assuming that's a no."
She starts filling two mugs now, then turns to the fridge for the creamer I always keep stocked. After adding some to both drinks, she brings the mugs over.
"Probably not the best for you to have coffee on an empty stomach, so you are going to have to eat something later."
I groan in response as I take the mug. I didn't feel hungry at all. I didn't even really want to drink the coffee, but I know it would make Penny feel better. I take a few small sips as she watches me. Once she seems satisfied that I'll have something in my stomach, she starts to sip her own.
"I'm going to close the bar for the night. I'll have Jimmy stop by later to post a sign."
"No, you don't have to do that for me. I just need a little more time-"
"Caroline stop. You and I both know you are in no condition to work right now. Plus Pete only has my number, I rather be close by to you in case he calls with more information."
I feel awful for making her do this. She shouldn't have to close the bar just because I can't act like a functioning human right now. I stop myself. No, this is exactly the type of response someone has to help someone they care about. People are supposed to help those around them when they are grieving. I may not be grieving a death, but the hurt still felt the same. Penny is doing what any good parent would do to help their kid.
"What about Amelia?"
"Don't worry about her. She stayed at a friend's last night. I'm sure she wouldn't care staying another night. If not then she can just come here. I'm sure she misses Dax."
At the sound of his name, Dax's tail starts thumping against the couch from where he lays on the floor.
"He would probably like to see her. She could take him out too, he probably needs the exercise." I admit. I haven't exactly been the best pet parent recently.
"Then I'll have her stop by later." Penny says with finality.
For the next few hours, we do a whole lot of sitting. I still can't bring myself to do anything else. Penny doesn't seem to mind though. She sits beside me not complaining as we watch some reality show about people finding love on an island.
It's almost noon when my phone starts to ring. I'm up in an instant, scrambling around for it. I hadn't even bothered to look at it, so I have no clue where I last put it. Penny manages to find it in my purse.
"It's Natasha," she says, running the phone to me. I press answer before I even have a grip on the phone.
"Nat? Are you okay?" I ask quickly.
"Hey, yeah I'm okay. We are all okay. Just exhausted." She definitely sounds it.
"That's good. Any idea when you get to come home?"
"That's actually what I called for. We are leaving in a few hours for the states. We'll probably get back sometime late tomorrow night."
The amount of relief I feel is intense. I let out an audible sigh.
"That's really good. I really need to see you guys."
"We are excited to see you too. But," she trails off for a second. "Has anyone told you the news?" She says hesitantly.
"About Jake? I know. Pete called Penny last night to fill us in a little. Do you know anything more?"
"Not really, I think they've deemed him stable enough to fly. I just don't know if he'll be on the same flight with us or not." Her voice shakes as she speaks.
"Nat, are you really okay?" I lower my voice as I ask. All the anxiety and pain I've been feeling for the past day gone instantly in place of concern for my friend. If there was one thing I became good at growing up, it was learning to value others emotions more then my own. I grew up in a house where showing emotions was frowned upon, so I started to focus more on others instead of me. It probably wasn't the healthiest habit, but certainly wasn't one I was going to break anytime soon.
"No," it sounds like she is holding back tears. In all my years I've known Nat, I've never seen her cry. Hearing her sound on the verge, breaks my heart. "I can't talk about it now though. It'll have to wait until I see you." She sounds a bit more put together then. Her need to preform her job outweighing her feelings.
"Just hug the boys for me please. I'm so glad you are all okay."
She sniffs, "yeah, I am too. Just wish we were all flying home in one piece."
I know then that she feels guilty over Jake. They probably all do. Yes he was in charge of leading them, but they were a team out there. No doubt they are beating themself up about it.
"He's alive, let's just be happy about that." I tell her, although the words cut through me like a knife. Now it's my turn to struggle and hold back my tears for the sake of my friend.
"I have to go. I'll call you when we land tomorrow. I love you."
"I love you too."
We hang up and I let the phone fall to my lap. Penny is watching me closely. I take a deep breath in to try and collect myself before talking.
      "She said they should be back some time tomorrow night. She has no clue if Jake will be with them or not. She thinks he might be though."
     "Well that's good, right?"
      "Yes. But she's upset. I just want to know what happened out there. I'm sick of not having answers."
     "I know hon," Penny says as she sympathetically grabs my arm. "But you know how this stuff works. We probably already know way more then we should."
     I didn't doubt that. I know they had all spilled a bit more information then what they were allowed. But who was I going to tell? Everyone important to me was already involved.
      "I just want to talk to him," I admit quietly. It's not much of a confession when it's an obvious fact we've all known.
      "I know," repeats Penny. "There just isn't anything we can do right now besides wait."
I audibly groan. I'm tired of waiting. My fears and anxiety beginning to turn into stress and anger over the whole situation.
"I can't keep sitting still, it's driving me crazy Penny!" I shout before standing up off the couch. Dax is up in an instant with me, waiting to see where I'm going. When I start to pace anxiously, he follows closely behind.
"I know Caroline, but right now there isn't anything we can do. The situation is entirely out of our hands. For now, why don't we go back to my place and grab Theo. We can take the dogs down to the beach and walk a bit. I think the fresh air could do us some good."
She means it could do me some good, she just won't say it. I know she worried about me, and I feel bad for making her worry. I just know that this anxious uncomfortable feeling isn't going to go away until I can physically see all my friends and know they are okay. Nevertheless, I agree to make her happy.
"Okay, let me get changed then." She seems pleased by my answer and smiles.
"Good, I'll wait for you."
Dax follows me upstairs to my room. I change into a pair of distressed Jean shorts and a loose fitting shirt. Truthfully I rather continue to sulk here, but Penny wants me to go out. So I guess I'll do what I can to make her happy. Plus maybe she's right. Going out could help the time go by faster.
When I get to my bathroom; I dread looking into the mirror. I know it's not going to be a pretty sight. Sure enough I'm right. My hair that was previously braided down my back for my shift the other night, has now become a wild, frizzy mess. My eyes are slightly swollen from crying still, and don't even get me started on the shadows under my eyes from lack of sleep. I haven't slept well since I first found out about this mission. Since they left, my lack of sleep had only gotten worse.
It takes me a minute to collect myself and look more presentable. Every little move takes effort that I don't want to spend, but the people pleaser in me knows it will make Penny happy. Plus I know Nat would be pissed to find out I was laying around sad and crying. Honestly she probably already knows I am. I've managed to detangle my dark hair and rebraid it. I splash some cool water on my face to hopefully help with some of the puffiness. I have no effort to try and fix the bags under my eyes though. Those aren't going away anytime soon anyway. If anything they will only increase.
Once I feel somewhat better, I call Dax back to my side and head down stairs. Penny, in true mom fashion, took the time I was gone to fold all the blankets and put things away.
"You didn't have to do all that," I tell her. She just shushes me in response.
      "Ready to go?"
      It doesn't take us very long to get to her house. Dax has been here a few times in the past, but it's enough for him to remember. He starts spinning around in the back seat while crying loudly. The second the car stops he's begging to get out. I make quick work myself of getting out of the car to open the door for him. Last thing I need is for him to mess up Penny's car. He bounds up the stairs to her front door, crying loudly from excitement the whole time. I can hear Theo whining from inside as well.
     Once Penny has changed, and the dogs are able to finally say hello, we make the short trek down to the empty stretch of beach. The dogs take off instantly, not even bothering to see if we are close behind. Theo chases after Dax as he crashes into the waves. He's definitely going to need a bath when he gets home.
     Penny and I continue walking along the waters edge. We are silent the entire time, neither of us really knowing what to say anymore.
     Between the water and the walking, my mind eventually starts to drift off. All I can think of is Jake. If his spine is as bad as they think it is, will he need surgery? Will he be able to fly again? Will he even be able to walk again? That thought hits me harder then I intended for it too. I stop walking and try to suck in a deep breath, but the rising anxiety is getting harder to fend off.
     Penny doesn't noticed I've stopped right away, but when she does, she's at my side instantly.
     "What if he can't walk again?" I ask out loud. I know she can't answer the question, she doesn't know herself. It seems to catch her off guard though.
     "I told you, there is no point in thinking of these scenarios when there is nothing we can do about it." She places a hand gentle on my back, trying to offer any comfort she can.
     "But what if he can't? I mean, what if after all of this hell he's been through in life, he ends up paralyzed. Flying was his escape from life, take away that and his ability to walk, he'll have nothing left to live for." I'm starting to breathe heavily now, finding it difficult to pull in a full breath of air.
     "If there is any chance at all, that boy will fight, trust me. Especially if you are willing to be there by his side." She's holding both of my shoulders now, staring into my eyes. "He would do anything for you. You guys have been through a lot, but the minute I saw him back in the bar that night, I knew you too were going to end up back together. He's a troubled person, but you bring out the good in him. He'll need you more then ever when he gets back if this ends up being worse. You just have to fight for him too. He's going to challenge you and try and push you away, but you can't let him. Fight for him, and he'll do the same."
     I've stopped breathing the entire time she's been talking, focusing on every word she's said. She's right though. She's always right. I have to be there for him when he gets back. He's going to try and give up and push me away, but I can't let him. It won't be easy, but I have to try for him. For us.
     The ringing of Penny's phone interrupts my train of thought. She grabs it from pocket and checks the screen.
     "It's Pete again."
     I hadn't fully calmed down from my near anxiety attack, so there's no point in my heart beating any faster this time. It's already going as fast as it'll go. This time, when she answers, she puts it on speaker phone.
     "Pete," she says.
      "Hey Penny, I don't have a ton of time to talk. I just wanted to let you know that we're are all getting on the place back to the states now. We should land sometime tomorrow night."
      "That's good," she tells him in response. Her hand grabs mine and she gives a reassuring squeeze. "Will Jake be with you?" She asks him.
     "He was cleared to fly home. He's not been the easiest patient though. The moments he's conscious he refuses most pain meds. Took a ton of coxing but we eventually convinced him to take a sedative for the flight. He should sleep a majority of it. They are gonna keep him strapped down to a bed of sorts to hopefully minimize any further damage. A doctor is also going to be flying back with us to make sure he's alright during the flight."
     I'm not surprised to hear he's being difficult. At least that tells me he's doing alright enough to still have a bit of fight in him.
      "Are you with him now? Can I talk to him?" I ask Pete eagerly. I realize he may have no idea who I am, but I don't care.
      "Yeah he's right here, I'll hold the phone up to his ear for you." There's a slight rustling sound. "Hangman, think there is someone here who wants to talk to you."
      I wait to hear Jake say anything but he doesn't. I consider maybe Pete hasn't put the phone to his ear yet, but I feel like he has. Jake is just remaining silent. Penny hands me the phone as I sink down to sit in the warm sand.
     "Hey Jake, it's me. I don't know what's going on right now, but I just needed to talk to you for a second. If you don't want to say anything, that's fine. I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to be here waiting until you get back. I'll be at the hospital the second you get there." I pause, hoping he will say something, but he doesn't. So I continue talking. "I have no idea what happened to you all out there, but I promise I'm going to do whatever you need to help you get better." It's difficult to hide the shake in my voice. I wish he would just say something. "I'll see you soon."
      Words leave me, I have nothing else to say. People begin shouting in the background on the phone. There's another rustling sound, then Pete begins talking again.
      "Whatever you just said , I think he needed to hear it. So thank you."
     My eyes begin to burn as tears threaten to spill over. I try to speak but end up choking on a small sob. Penny gently takes the phone from my hand.
     "Take care of them, we'll see you soon." She tells Pete.
     "I will, see you soon Penny."
      "Bye Pete."
     She ends the call and drops her phone to the sand, her focus training solely on me.
      "You okay?"
      "What do you think he meant by he needed to hear that?" I ask her, my eyes still blurry with tears.
     "I think you know exactly what it meant." Penny says as she runs a comforting hand down my arm. "Come on, let's get the dogs."
      She stands and offers her hand to me. I want to protest. I want to sit in the sand and be sad, but it's obvious Penny isn't going to let me. I take her hand and she hauls me to my feet. It takes a minute for me to find my balance. I'm still disoriented from the phone call. Even if Jake didn't say anything, I know he was listening. I hoped it would be enough to convince him to keep fighting for me.
      Penny whistles for the dogs. I had been so caught up in everything, I had completely forgotten about the dogs. Luckily they aren't far; still trotting after one another in the water and rolling in the sand. They come as soon as she whistles though, both panting heavily and soaking wet. Dax seems excited to see me for a split second, only to take off again with Theo after their quick check in.
      "Why don't we head back to my place? We can hose the dogs down and I'll make us some lunch."
      I nod. I don't want to do anything other then wait for tomorrow night. Penny won't let me do that though, so we turn around and head back towards her house.