The Altruistic Pilot: A Jake Seresin TopGun fan fiction

Chapter 15

     I won't leave my bed.
     It had been a week since I've last seen Jake, and I have hardly left my bed. The pain is far worse then when he up and left me with no warning a year ago. This is a new pain.
     Nat has been exceptionally worried about me, but with her first flight test coming back up with Bob, she has been busy. It's good though. She needs to be busy and focused on flying again. I've tried my best to hide my aching from her. It's a losing battle though. She can read me like a book.
The others had done a decent job of not bring Jake up around me either. As far as I know, Jake had listened to a small part of my plea and had been allowing Bob and Javy to go in and check on him. It was a small win I guess. At least he was allowing someone to check in. I had specifically asked that Bob not give me updates though. I wasn't in the mood to hear them. Jake had beaten me down to much. I was far too defeated. The updates only caused more hurt. I still wanted to be there with him despite it all.
Penny had tried to persuade me to come back to work. She's been great in giving me plenty of time off to help with Jake, but eventually I was going to have to go back. I told her I'd go in tonight and see if I could handle it, but laying in bed right now even felt like too much effort. All I wanted to do was sleep.
Dax let out a huffed whine again from where he is laying at the foot of my bed. He's making an effort to provide some comfort, but the poor guy is so bored. I wish I had the energy to take him on a walk or something. With Nat back on base most days, Dax has hardly had any attention from either of us.
     "Sorry buddy," I say to him.
     His head perks suddenly as his tail starts thumping on the bed. He watches me in anticipation, thinking that what I said meant we were finally going to get up and do something. It made me feel even worse. When I make no effort to move, he lets out a sigh and puts his head back down.
     I just pull the blankets up to my face and allow myself to drift off for a while.
     The sound of our front door opening and the keys being dropped on the counter wakes me up. Nat is home. I should sit up, try and make it seem like I haven't been sulking in bed all day, but I don't. She wastes no time heading up the stairs until she's in my room.
     She's back in her flight suit, her hair pulled back in a tight, clean bun.
     "How you feeling?" She asks while moving to sit on the edge of my bed. Dax is up instantly, probably excited to see someone actually moving around. She gives him a quick pet before leaning down to start undoing her boots.
     "Just peachy," I mutter while forcing myself to sit upright. My head spins slightly at the movement. I really should eat something.
     "You going to work later?" She's got one boot off and moves to the other.
     "I told Penny I would try."
     "We'll that's good. I think you should." Now that both boots are off, she leans back on my bed against the wall. Dax throws himself down in her lap. "Bob went to check on him. Just wanted to let you know."
      I didn't really want to know, but I also did at the same time. Truthfully I wanted an update. I wanted to know how his progress was going. It was better that I didn't though. If that was how Jake wanted things, then I needed to find a way to move on and move past it. Nat must sense the inner turmoil I'm having.
     "You want me to ask to see how he's doing?"
     I look down to my hands that have started to clench the blanket around me nervously.
     "Maybe."
     "I'll text Bob and ask for an update later. For now go get in the shower and get ready for work. You've been wearing these same clothes for days now." She stands from my bed, "come on Dax." Dax happily jumps off the bed and heads out after her.
     I take her advice and hop in the shower, spending as much time as I deem necessary washing my hair and body. I won't lie, by the time I get out, I feel a bit better. If only the shower could wash away everything else. Once I change into a pair of jean shorts and my Hard Deck shirt, I do my best to braid back my still damp hair.
     Downstairs, Nat has also changed out of her clothes and into a comfortable shirt and shorts. She's laying on the couch texting on her phone mindlessly tossing the ball for Dax.
     "Well don't you look like a human being again," she jokes. I sneer at her and head into the kitchen to grab a water for work. "Bob said he wanted to call us with an update if you want to hear it," she wastes no time in telling me.
     I don't dwell on an answer for too long and tell her yes. I can't let Jake's treatment of me get in the way of him still recovering. At the end of the day he's still a person that deserves the use of his legs.
     We sit for a few minutes waiting for Bob to call. When he finally does, Nat puts it on speaker.
     "Hey, I've got Caroline here too," she tells him.
     "Oh okay," he sounds cautious for a second. Like what he's about to tell us isn't something I should hear. Nevertheless he clears his throat and continues. "Well there's good news and bad news. The good news is the doctors think he may be regaining some feeling in his upper thighs. It's not much, but if he slowly starts to regain feeling there then hopefully the issues with his um," Bob pauses awkwardly, "organs there will recover."
     I exchange a look with Nat. At the very least he'll regain control in that sense.
     "What's the bad news?" Nat asks for me.
     Bob takes a deep breath, "his mental health is starting to decline. Even with the new hope of him recovering, he's starting to spiral down. They've had to force food down his throat almost everyday. He's refused pretty much everything they give him. That coupled with the fact that he's still refusing pain meds. He's in a ton of pain everyday." Bob stops again.
     It's clear that seeing Jake like this is difficult for him. He had taken on a huge role in helping him recover. I was still surprised Jake was allowing him to visit. The way I saw it, Bob is a neutral party. He's a good guy and everyone knows, but he also only met Jake as a result of this mission. Maybe it was easier for Jake to be around someone he didn't have a huge connection with. Bob on the other hand was a very loving person. No doubt it hurt to see Jake like this for him. I knew the feeling.
     "He's been speaking with a therapist everyday. Obviously they can't tell me what they discuss during their sessions, but they are worried about him. He's almost always on constant supervision. He's only been there a week but they are concerned already.
      They just need him to take some pain meds and I think it would help everyone to feel better. He's going to physical therapy, but they can hardly touch him without him crying out. It's hard to watch. He can't take meds without eating though, so they are caught in a rough cycle. If he doesn't start improving soon then they are going to have to readmit him."
      Bob stops to let us take in what he's saying. Nat is watching me closely, but I keep my focus trained on her phone, watching as the timer for the call increases.
      "Have you talked with him at all? Tried to reason with him? Asked if there is anything that would help?" Nat asks.
      "Yeah, but he either doesn't answer or shoots me down. I hate to say it, but if you want my opinion. He needs Caroline."
     I'm taken back by his words. Did he not see how horribly Jake was acting towards me a week ago? I stepped back because he had made it obvious he didn't want me there. I wasn't helping him to improve, only making it worse.
      "No, he doesn't want me there Bob. You're better for him." My voice was shaky. This wasn't the conversation I wanted to have right now. I was trying to refocus on work, and less on Jake.
     "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to upset you. I just think you are closer to him then any of us. He'd listen to you more then us."
     "I'm sorry, I- I can't," I stutter. As badly as I want to drive to the hospital right now and demand he eat and take his medication, I know I shouldn't. I wasn't any help to him before, I only made him worse. Going back now wouldn't help anything.
     "No don't apologize, I get it. I'll keep trying."
     I zone out as they end the call. I can't go back there. Not yet at least. If he wants me then he'll ask.
     "You okay?" Nat asks.
     "I have to go to work," I stand from the couch and stomp towards the front door.
     "Care wait," Nat calls, but I don't bother to hear her. I grab my purse off the hook and leave.