The Altruistic Pilot: A Jake Seresin TopGun fan fiction

Chapter 12

It had taken several minutes of convincing before Penny and Pete got me to leave. I didn't want to leave Jake alone, especially when he looked so scared already. I just kept repeating to him over and over again that I would be back first thing in the morning.
When I got home that night, I found that Nat was already asleep in her room with Bob. I didn't want to disturb them at all. So when I left early in the morning for the hospital, I wrote a note on the counter for her.
True to my word, the second visitation started in the hospital, I was there. Walking the same path we had taken the previous night to Jake's room.
He was awake already, staring at the tiny t.v. that was luckily within his line of sight without having to move anything.
Seeing him now in full light, he looks worse then I thought. His hair is still a tangled mess. His face is puffy, although I can't tell the reason why it is. There's a gash over his eyebrow that is held together with thin pieces of bandage to keep it closed. However, it's the large braces he wears that truly shock me though. He's almost completely immobile in them. The C- collar prevents his neck from moving and forces his chin to stay at an uncomfortable looking angle. The large back brace encompasses his whole back and has multiple straps that cross over his torso. The same wires as before still lead out from his hospital gown and connect to various beeping machines. He even has a tube coming out the bottom of his bed that connects to a bag meant to hold liquid, it makes me cringe. I have never seen anyone this helpless before. He can't even go to the restroom on his own. The thought makes me sick. This isn't Jake. Jake is strong and active and ready to take on the world head first. He's been through hell and back and made it through. Now he's here. Not even able to turn his head to look at me. I swallow down the nausea rising in my throat.
     "Hey," I say awkwardly as I walk further into the room.
      "You shouldn't be here," he croaks instantly. His comment makes me stop short.
      Last night we had cried as I confessed that I loved him. Now he's asking me to leave?
      "I told you I was going to help you, and that's exactly what I am going to do." It had only been one night, I remind myself. I can't even begin to imagine the range of emotions he must be feeling today.
     "I don't want you here." He tries again.
     "Jake," I start, keeping my voice low. "I know you may not want me here now, but just let me stay a little while. You shouldn't be alone right now. If you still want me to go later, then I will. I promise."
     I watch as he swallows hard, then winces slightly. There is a cup on the table beside him with the hospital name and bendable straw. After confirming it still has water, I hold the straw up to his lips. For a second he just stares at it, but eventually gives in and takes a few deep sips. Once he removes the straw from his lips, I set it back down.
      "I don't need you here to pity me." His voice sounds clearer now.
      "Jake I'm not pitying you. I told you last night that I loved you, and I mean it. I'm not expecting you to say it back or anything, I'm just telling you how I feel. All that being said, I'm here for you. Whatever you need right now. I have no clue what is happening, but I'm here to help."
      He swallows again, but refuses to look at me. A sharp knock at the door interrupts our conversation. I'm glad for the intrusion. I had just got here, and Jake was already trying to make me leave. I knew getting him to accept help would be difficult, but I hadn't expected the retaliation from him to start on his first morning back in the U.S.
A slightly older man with grey hair walks in wearing a pair of dark blue scrubs. He gives a friendly smile as he comes further into the room.
     "Lieutenant Seresin, my name is Dr. Kane. How we feeling today?" He heads over to the sink and begins washing his hands.
     "Hurts," is all Jake responds with. Dr. Kane nods.
      "Who have you got here with ya?" He asks, keeping the same friendly voice.
      "I'm his friend Caroline," I tell the doctor. I didn't exactly want to settle on the word friend, but it seemed a safe bet given the circumstances.
      "Nice to meet you both. So Lieutenant, I had the opportunity to view your scans from last night, and I'd like to see something if you don't mind. Would you like your friend to stay?"
     "She stays." Jake says sternly. I nearly sigh in relief at him wanting me to stay. I have no idea what made his change his mind so quickly, but I don't want to question it.
     He nods then walks to the opposite side of the bed and grabs Jake's hand. "Go ahead and push down on my hand for me." He holds Jake's hand flat on top of his a few inches from the mattress.
      Jake gives a strained look as he attempts to push the doctor's hand down. He groans in pain but manages to push his hand down a bit. Dr. Kane smiles.
     "That's really good Jake." He leans over Jake to grab his other hand. "And again." He tells him. Once again Jake struggles, but pushes his hand down slightly. Dr. Kane sighs. "Good. You are going to be weak and in pain for a bit in your arms, but that's to be expected. Let's check your legs now, do you mind?" He asks Jake grabbing the edge of the blankets around Jake. Whatever facial expression Jake gives, he takes as permission and pushes the blankets down to reveal his legs which are wrapped in tight compression socks.
      The doctor moves down to the foot of his bed now.
      "Ok Lieutenant, I want you to do the same thing now. I'm just going to place my hands at the bottom of your feet. All I want you to do is use your feet to push my hands."
     I turn to look back at Jake. His face this time seems pained as he wills his legs to push down. When I turn to look at his feet, they aren't moving. I watch Dr. Kane flash me a quick look. It's subtle, but I understand that he's telling me to stay calm, for Jake's sake. Inside though, my heart starts beating rapidly. He looks to Jake, his face neutral.
     "Good job Lieutenant. Now, I want you to tell me if you feel this." He grabs a pen from his coat pocket and runs it across the bottom of his foot. Jake doesn't react. When I turn to look at him, waiting for a reaction, that's when Jake is able to read the expression on my face. His heart rate monitor begins to pick up speed.
     "I can't feel that. Why can't I fell that?" His breathing is starting to quicken. I reach for his hand.
      "It's alright, it's what I suspected." When the doctor realizes how those words don't calm Jake, he changes tactics. "Take a big breath in for me Lieutenant." He demonstrates how he wants him to breathe. Jake, to his credit, mirrors him. It slows his heart rate, but does nothing to calm his anxiety. He weakly squeezes his hand between mine. I squeeze back, doing my best to help ground him.
     "Why can't I feel anything?" He repeats, his voice more level now.
      "Your scans indicate you've fractured your T12, L1 and L2 vertebrae. As of now I don't think surgery will be necessary, but you've got some pretty severe swelling around your spine. We won't know for sure exactly what kind of damage the swelling has caused. What we do know is that at the moment it's compressing the nerve to your legs." Dr. Kane pauses for a second, looking at both Jake and I. "Which means that currently, you have no use of your legs.."
      My head falls forward to rest on Jake and I's hands. I knew the thought had crossed my mind, but never thought it could really happen. Jake is eerily silent. I force myself to look up at him. All the color has completely drained from his face.
"Now I don't want you to panic just yet. With injuries like these, there is always a chance of you regaining the use of your legs. It may take days, it may take weeks. There isn't anyway to tell for sure. For now though, you are going to be in that brace until the breaks set. Once that's happened, we are going to get you started immediately on physical therapy. Now I won't lie Lieutenant, this process isn't going to be easy. I feel confident in your ability to regain full control, but if you want to walk again, then you are going to have to work for it."
Jake isn't looking at any of us, but I can see his chest rise and fall with short, shaky breaths.
"I'll leave you to alone for now. If you have any questions, feel free to have the nurse call for me."
"Thank you," I say weakly. He gives a sorrowful nod and he's out of the room. I turn to look at Jake now, not having any clue of what to say.
"Jake- "
"You should leave," he cuts me off. His voice cold again.
"No. I knew you were going to do this. I prepared for it. You can't push me away now. Everything the doctor just said is fucking horrible, I know. But I want to be here for you."
"I don't want you here," he says again, his voice cold.
"I don't believe that."
"Care please. I'm begging you, just leave." His voice is rising now, but his eyes shut as his head seems to sink lower into the pillow.
"Jake," I'm on my feet now hovering over him. I reach up and cup his cheek, his green eyes fly open. I can read all the pain and terror in them like a book. "I am not leaving you. This isn't going to scare me away. Whether you like it or not, you are going to need help, and I am here to give it too you. So don't push me away again please. Don't try and be cruel to force me to leave." His eyes grow shinny. "You are so much stronger then this. You've been through too much in life to let something like this stop you. You heard the doctor. He thinks you can make a full recovery, but you are going to have to put effort into it. You'll get back into the sky in no time, but you can't push away the help that's offered. Now is the time to lean on everyone. All your teammates, me, everyone wants to help. You just have to let them."
He blinks and the tears he was struggling to hold back roll down his cheeks. I wipe them away, finding that my voice isn't shaky anymore. I feel stronger suddenly and I'm glad for it. I have to be for him. He can't see me panic and struggle like everything in my body wants too.
"Okay," he mouths. I give him a small smile and lean down to press my lips to his. This time he returns the kiss.