Never Surrender // TFATWS

20

Later that day, the three made their way to a field surrounded by trees. Nicola was running around, exploring.

Sam took a deep breath before throwing the shield to one of the trees. It bounced off and returned to him.

"Feels weird... Picking it up again," Sam said as he tossed the shield again. It bounced off a couple trees before Bucky caught it. "The legacy of that shield is complicated, to say the least."

Mirna nodded. "That's understandable."

Bucky let out a sigh. "When Steve told me and Mirna what he was planning, I don't think either of us understood what it felt like for a black man to be handed the shield."

"How could we?" Mirna added. "I'm sorry. Steve knew what he was doing when he chose you. He was right to have chosen you."

Bucky gave Mirna a soft smile, then turned back to Sam. "I owe you an apology, Sam. I'm sorry." He handed the shield to Sam.

Sam took the shield and replied, "Thank you."

"Whatever happened with Walker, it wasn't your fault. I get it. It's just that shield is the closest thing I've got to family. When I met Mirna, it was unexpected and she's been the best thing to happen to me. So when you retired it, it made me feel like I had nothing left."

Mirna took Bucky's hand, running a thumb in circles on the back of it.

Bucky smiled at her before he continued. "Made me question everything. You, Steve, Mirna, Nicola, me. You know, I've got his, uh... I've got his book. And, uh... I just figured if it worked for him, then it'd work for me. Mir suggested it, and as always, she was right."

"I understand, man," Sam said. "But Steve is gone." He sighed, as did Bucky. "And this might be a surprise, but it doesn't matter what Steve thought." He threw the shield and caught it when it came back to him. "You gotta stop looking to other people to tell you who you are." He threw the shield again, but when it came back, Bucky caught it. "Let me ask you. You still having nightmares?"

Bucky nodded and said, "All the time. It means I remember. Which means a part of the Winter Soldier's still in me." He threw the shield and Sam caught it.

"You up for a little tough love?" Bucky nodded. "You want to climb out of the hell you're in, do the work. Do it."

"I've been making amends."

"Nah. You weren't amending, you were avenging. You were stopping all the wrongdoers you enabled as the Winter Soldier because you thought it would bring you closure. You go to these people and say "sorry," because you think it'll make you feel better, right? But you gotta make them feel better. You gotta go to them and be of service. I'm sure there's at least one person in that book who needs closure about something, and you're the only one who can give it to 'em."

"Probably a dozen."

"That's cool. Start with one."

Mirna glanced at Bucky and said, "And I know just the person to start with."

Bucky nodded. "Good talk." He and Sam did a high-five handshake and Sam hugged Mirna.

"You two know Karli isn't going to quit, right?" Sam said.

Bucky smacked his lips. "Ah. You call us when you have a lead, and Mirna and I'll be there. Not necessarily as a team."

"Nope."

"We're not that good."

"Definitely not."

"We're professionals."

"Definitely."

"And, uh, we're partners."

"Co-workers."