SCARS

Ledger POV

I let out a sigh of relief as the emcee announced the results...we had won. Dav gave me his bear hug as he yelled some cuss words. The stadium resounded with applause but I didn't really care.

The foremost thought in my mind was that Jan had messaged me in the morning that he would attend our game. I knew he was doing it just to assure friendly business ties but the fact that he would have probably tugged Nadine along...was not good.

I hadn't glanced at the gallery even once throughout the game. My mind had been slightly distracted from the beginning of the game but I didn't want to witness visuals like Nadine leaning on Jan'shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her and enjoyed the game.

I walked towards the Locker room leaving my team behind. Jan would leave soon assuming that he didn't have enough time to wait for my team to come back to earth from the seventh heavens they were on, freshen up, and meet him.

The cold water shower helped me ease my nerves. Throwing a white shirt and jeans upon myself, I began walking towards the gallery. I had to help Susan in handling Lauren who would probably be irritated by now thanks to the noisy stadium.

As I reached the gallery, I saw Susan walking towards the exit as she frantically waved her hands in the air. Had she left Lauren alone?!

Please, Lord!

I ran past the chairs towards the front row.

The sight of Lauren froze me in my tracks. She was crying her eyes out as Nadine tried to distract her with her watch. Susan left her with Nadine?

"Will you just keep gaping like a frog?" 

I looked at Nadine who seemed clearly irritated with me and approached Lauren quickly.

"She is irritated."

"I know! Who brings a sleeping baby to a crazy stadium!" 

I knew I shouldn't have brought her along but I hadn't found a sitter I trusted enough just yet.

"Sing a song. It helps!" I said.

Music always comforted Lauren.

"Why don't you sing?" 

"I have only sung in front of someone else once," I answered.

A memory seeped its way through my mind as I stared at Nadine who had a thoughtful expression on her face. Internally, she was visiting that day too.

That day when she was staring at the clouds with her head thrown back as we sat with our fingers entwined in a beautiful meadow. That day when I sang a song that I had written after our first date. It wasn't a song really...it was just poetry set to a tune. But every word of that poem was the diadem of music to me for poetry can only be written when someone has pulled at your heartstring so hard that they begin producing a melody of their own accord.

"Why wouldn't you sing for her though? She is your daughter." She said with her tone almost accusative.

"I consider singing myself as unlucky now." 

We hadn't had one proper conversation since life had thrown us into each other's faces. The last thing that I really wanted to do now was sing. Music could bare one's emotions, especially when you had to sing in front of the only two people in the world you ever truly loved.

" Then call your Susan," she said, with her voice an Ocatve higher.

Why was she mad at Susan?

" She is on an important call..." I said judging from Susan's behavior earlier.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her eyes remained closed for a while and Lauren kept throwing her arms up at her. Just when I was about to take Lauren out of her grasp, she began, "Walking down 29th and Park

I saw you in another's arms

Only a month we've been apart

You look happier
Saw you walk inside a bar
He said somethin' to make you laugh
I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours
Yeah, you look happier, you do."

In the first real conversation we were having, she conveyed my mind through a song.

Lauren had calmed down and was playing with Nadine's watch as Nadine continued to watch her unflinchingly.

I wanted to hold her chin and turn her face around to look into those deep eyes that rarely unfolded the secrets that lay hidden in them.

But I stopped myself.

I had to stop myself.

We had lost the freedom of forgiveness.

We had lost the freedom of understanding.

We had even lost the freedom of arguing with each other.

We had shut the most beautiful door of our lives and walked away from it to avoid the pain.

However, the truth was that it was only pain that had lingered on.

The pain that had forced us to make many wrong choices.

The pain forced her to choose a man she wasn't even open with.

As much as seeing her hand in someone else's hand angered me, it almost killed me when I realized that she had lost herself totally somewhere along the way. She had an invincible spirit like MJ but when she was with those that she loved, she exposed her vulnerabilities, she let her smiles reign and her tears flow. With Jan, she didn't behave even a fraction like her true self but if Jan was her choice, I was going to try my best to not retaliate against him.

"You should hold her, I have to leave," she said.

I took Lauren from her and stood silently as she took her things and left.

I wanted to stop her and tell her that it had never been time for her to leave.

Instead, I just held Lauren close to me as I looked blankly at the spot she had been standing at.

At least I had Lauren but until what time  I would have her was a cruel question.