the suffering of harry potter

chapter 5.

AN: Hello readers, you probably don't remember me, but I'm clouds. I haven't written anything for this story in almost two years. it constantly pops up in my head, and I want to do it, I just get sidetracked. 

anywhos, I wanted to give you guys a little update on myself, before I get onto the story again, because I actually have ideas!

When I was writing this story, I was probably in the worst spot I have ever been in regards to my mental health. I ended up hospitalised after an attempt, and spent quite a lot of time there. 

But many, many things have changed since then, almost all for the better, and I wanted to tell you guys about it!

I have now graduated from high school, and started University. I moved out of home and am now living 9 hours away from that hell hole. I want to say that I don't miss it, but I really do, and I will probably move back to the area at the end of the year, because Im not really fitting in here haha. anyways, I'm studying Psychological science, something I am very excited about! I am also on different medication that helps me a lot more than my last ones. I still have some really bad days, but they aren't as common anymore. I have also been clean from self harm for over four months!

my life both feels like its changed so much, yet not at all, its so hard to explain. 

anyways, I have talked more then enough, lets write some more of this story! 

~~~~~~~~~~

this chapter discusses/mentions:

- graphic mentions of a suicide attempt

- self harm

- feelings of hopelessness

- vulgar language

read at your own risks lovelies, and please be kind to yourself!

~~~~~~~~~~

*draco's pov*

Ever since the trip on the Hogwarts Express, and finding Harry in such a vulnerable position, I have refused to leave his side.

I am scared for him. 

Headmistress McGonagall had announced that the eighth years now had their own common rooms to themselves, and were sharing dorms with one other person. In a mission to end house rivalry, she thought it was the best option to jumble up the houses, and place people from different houses in the same dorm room. 

I was barely listening to her, more caught up on the shaking boy beside me, until I heard my name being called. 

"Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter, dorm 4!" (I'm so basic like that)

I refused to show the excitement on my face, even though butterflies were running through my stomach, and I could have jumped up and down in excitement. Harry even showed a ghost of a smile, which made my lips twitch. 

Weasley, on the other hand, was thoroughly unimpressed, shooting daggers at Harry and I (through his eyes y'know?), and the little hint of happiness on Harry's face immediately disappeared, followed by a very solemn look. 

"You can't do that! He is my best mate! You can't put him with that, that Death Eater!" shouted Weasley in pure rage

Even though I have heard it a thousand times since the war, it always struck a nerve deep inside me. My shoulders sagged in defeat, knowing that he was right. Harry didn't want this, didn't want scum like me anywhere near him. I knew that I should never have come to Hogwarts, it was all a bad idea. My eyes watered, and I was ready to turn from the common room to grab my things and go, until I heard his voice.