Epiphany: A quest for love

10. Sparks in the night

Jin

"And heel, turn, kick and hop. Now repeat." Hobi's voice echoes through the walls of the practice room.

I'm trying to keep up with him and the others, but we've been at it all morning and my lungs are burning. You'd think that after spending so much time in the military with hard training, my stamina would be very high. On the contrary, being away from stage only made things worse. I wasn't the greatest dancer to begin with but now I feel so out of my element, like a fish on the shore. Yet I push my body to keep up with the others, like I always did. From the corner of my eyes, I spot Namjoon struggling as much as me, swearing under his breath and I almost burst out laughing. With the preparations for the wedding, Joon has skipped a couple of dance practices, to Hoseok's horror, who turned our practice room into a dictatorship and our leader was soon appointed public enemy. I can understand his anxiety. This is a big come-back, after almost two years of absence, but also our biggest and final moment as a group. It was the hardest decisions we ever took, and, in some way, it broke us all a little bit inside. But it was something that had to be done. Life has been progressing, for each one of us. We need to move forward, to dare to detach ourselves from this life we created together and follow our own path. It's bold. It's painful. And for me, is liberating as it is terrifying. Because I don't know what direction to go.

"Stop, stop! We need to rethink our positions." Jimin yells over the music. Someone hurries and stops the music, the sudden quietness making my ears feel weird.

"What do you mean?" Hoseok asks, standing in the middle of the room, hands on his hips.

"We're performing this song on the middle stage, which is much smaller the main one. In this formation, we'll crash into each other. We need to either switch positions or alter the choreography." Jimin explains, but it's so difficult for me to focus. I lay on the floor, face up, and close my eyes, letting my heart regain its rhythm. I want to do my best this final tour, I want to show our fans that we are worthy of their love and appreciation. But God, I cannot show them nothing if I die of exhaustion. We arrived in New York late last night for the first concert on American land since we returned from the military. And probably the last, in this formation. There is an entire frenzy out there regarding our recent announcement, the press, the fans and pretty much everyone is talking about us. And I just need a damn break. I crack open one eye and watch Hoseok, Jimin and Taehyung still arguing over the dance positions, so I take advantage and walk to the desk placed in the corner of the room where our belongings are stored. I reach out for my phone at the same time Yoongi comes and grabs a bottle of water, handing me one as well.

"Thanks!" I say and he just nods. My brother has always shown his affection by doing these little things for us, but he would never admit it out loud just how much he cares for us. The thought almost made me smile. I unlock my phone and quickly send a short message to Mirae.

"Hey, ugly! I'm in New York."

She probably already knows we arrived in New York, but I have a plan for us for tonight. And with a little luck, she'll indulge me in accepting. I would lie if I said I didn't think about her all this time since she left Seoul. Because I did. A lot. Every day. It's almost frustrating that most of my days she was there in my mind, like an obsessed mad man.

"Do you want a prize or what?" her reply arrives sooner than I expected.

"Only if it's you." I text back, smirking at myself. This is going to piss her off, like any shameless flirting attempt from my side, but she can deny all she likes, I know it makes her smile.

"Did you get tired of flirting with the mirror and now you're turning to me?" she adds an eye-rolling emoji at the end of the message.

"My love for my own person will never cease, darling. I thought I showed you the same privilege. It's a blessing, really."