Epiphany: A quest for love

CHAPTER 8

Mirae

I remove the towel that I had wrapped around my body and change into a baggy t-shirt and underwear, not bothering to put a pair of shorts over it. It's too hot anyway and to be honest, I am feeling lazy to do so. The perks of being a solitary person in a New York apartment: you can wear whatever you want, even walk naked if you feel like it and not give a fuck about who might see you. I drop the towel in the laundry basket and head to the fridge to grab a beer, then let myself fall on the couch. I stay like that for a few seconds, staring into nothing. This silence is killing me. I can hear my own thoughts. I don't like them.

Shaking my head as if to come back to reality, I reach for the phone and connect it to the Bluetooth speaker resting on my coffee table. With a tap on the screen, the room is soon flooded with sound, breaking the heavy silence. One of MKG's songs is playing, and I start humming to the lyrics while sipping from my beer and scrolling through the articles on social media. I like to always check the competitors and not only in my field, but also the lifestyle and celebrity pages. For a journalist, information is power. Sometimes, precious information about someone can be used to secure a good deal with a source. I have no intention of missing out on any of that.

I read a few articles about the mayor of New York and the opening of a new wing for cancer patients in this hospital in the east of Manhattan, trying to skip those who don't seem of interest to me. A picture of seven familiar faces comes into view and I immediately stop scrolling.

"The famous boy band, BTS, announces their next tour and the last in their career" says the title.

"The last in their career?" I murmur, straightening up on the couch. I read further.

"The boys announced their last tour during the press conference they held earlier today regarding the release of their new album. Asked what this statement means for the future of the group, the leader, Kim Namjoon, clarified that while they love BTS and what they created through it, it is time they explore new oceans and reach new heights, and this can only be achieved through taking different paths. The boys also talked about how being in the industry for more than 15 years helped them learn a lot and become the people they are today. As they move on with their personal lives, their careers should follow."

I stare at the screen, my beer forgotten somewhere on the coffee table. Jin never mentioned this before, which is weird because I think this is not an easy decision to make and obviously, not something you decide in a day. There must have been talks and meetings about this, long before making it known to the public. For some reason, I feel a bud of betrayal blooming in my chest for finding out along with everyone else, but at the same time I am thinking "Who am I really?" I am no one in his life, can't expect to have the right to know these things before everyone else. It still stings. And I hate it.

I debate whether I should text him or not, presuming he isn't feeling well after all this. It is understandable for them to move on, life is like this. It gives something good and then brings new paths into view and you want to explore them all. You can't just remain stuck on one for the rest of your days. But at the same time, you can't fight the feeling of loss. You leave behind something great, something that built you and turned you into the person you are today. You grew with that thing, and it made you. You owe your success to it, your tears and all the moments, happy or not. Your whole life is there. It's difficult to let go. And I know just how much these boys fought to be where they are. They are more than a group. They are a family. And maybe it is just me, but stopping doing this would feel like a rupture. No, I don't think he is handling this well, which is why I grab the phone again and send him a short text.