Claire & Theo

24.

Theo concentrated on the road as it rained harshly, and multiple thoughts were running through his head too. Claire would not stop pestering him every few minutes about his cut. The rushing pain was all out of habit. He knew what he was doing when he did it to himself when the bomb went off. Only if he knew if this was the scene that they had to act out today, then he would not have shown up.

Claire was driving because she would not let him touch the steering wheel because of his arm. He was slightly enjoying her worrisome side, it felt like he was special for once in his life. Not that his mom never gave him enough love, but the fact that Claire was completely focused on him rather than worrying about a crazy daughter such as his sister for his mother.

"Are you sure we do not need to see a doctor?" she asked again.

"Yes, and would you please quit asking that. My ears are burning from the same questions."

She stopped at the red light, "I am... worried about you. It is not easy feeling this way, Theo."

He stared at her softly and took her hand in his, "I am sorry. Just a bit frustrated at myself."

"You can tell me things. I know for one that I will always listen to you first."

He smiled and noticed the green light as the driver behind them honked their horn, "Let's go home first."

"Alright." she grunted as she stepped on the accelerator again. Though, she pressed harder because the driver was probably feeling humiliated somewhat. Theo knew that she tends to speed when she gets angrier when driving.

Once they got to his place, Claire made sure that no one bumped into Theo's arm when going up the elevator. It was quite adorable to him of her playing the role of bodyguard. When they both know that role was made more for him rather than her.

As she shut the door behind them, she led Theo to the sofa of the living room. Now he was aggravated, "Claire, my arm is injured, not my legs."

"Yes, I know that." she innocently said.

"Just letting you know that I am very much capable to walk to the sofa on my own." he smirked.

She blushed at her stupidity, "Sorry."

He laughed, "You do not need to apologize," staring at her with a bright smile, "Come here."

She walked towards him, then sat right next to him on the sofa. He brought his arm around and snuggled her closer to him. This felt... right.

She whispered, "We can talk if you want."

"I don't know where to start..."

"How about... tell me when you started to... cut yourself." she asked quietly.

He took a deep breath, "It started a few months after my... father passed away. I was fourteen years old at the time-"

He suddenly couldn't breathe.

She let go of his embrace, yet still holding his hand tightly giving him a reassuring gaze, "Go on, I am here for you."

"I was young and wreck less back then. All I wanted was to party and enjoy the feeling of being euphoric. I just wanted to enjoy my life not giving a fuck about how the world works. I thought my life would be great, but my being stupid brought me to the lowest point in my life. The addiction to a drug was cruelty and it ruined everything that I should have lived for, my family," he took a pause to look at Claire who was still attentive on him, "I started working with these people that dealt with drugs and one day, my father found about what I was doing. He found these drugs that I needed to sell that day, or I was ordered to be killed if I did not do it on time and correctly. It was for a famous gang leader in the underworld business that was quite ruthless to anyone who served him. I was extremely high, and I fought my father verbally... and physically not knowing what to expect."

He closed his eyes in pain making Claire touch his face warmly, "As I ran outside of the house with my father after me, I got into an accident with a black van that hit me making me unconscious. A few hours later, I realized that the person who knocked me out was that gang leader because he knew that I was gambling with his money for drugs," Theo chuckled and became quieter, "I was fucking stupid. It was terrible, my father and I were tied to these chairs in some abandoned warehouse. As we both awoke, the people of that gang leader said that I earned a punishment. They brutally hurt my... father," he started to choke on his next words, "I cried and screamed but it never solved anything. They kept sliding me backwards to make me feel more tortured I guess, and it clearly worked. Then that's what triggered all the bullshit in my life. They threw an explosive at my father... killing him right on the spot. Then, out of shock, I passed out. The aftermath was simple as they got caught with my mother being a winner in law."

He finally opened his eyes not noticing that there were tears in his eyes. Claire wiped them away slowly, "They were put in their place but somehow, I am still grieving for his death. Cutting makes me feel better, since it's a way to forgive myself. All of this happened to my pure father because of my fucked-up decisions. This is how I blame myself. The rehabilitation saved me physically from the drugs, but I guess the therapy was something I retaliated on with my mother. I will always feel sorry for my mother and sister, but they let me know otherwise that his death was never my fault. I know it is all out of pity and love. Sorry, you must find this stupid..."

"No!" she finally said, "None of this is stupid to me, it is understandable. Theo, you have every right to feel this way about this situation. The only words I can to say to you is... believe your mother and sister's words."

"What do you mean by that?" he harshly spoke.

"The moment your father knew, he always wanted to help you. What if he wants you to cope in a way that he would know that you're safe. He may not be here, but he always wanted to protect you. As your father, he loved enough to forgive you. Believe in the words of people that care about you to let him know that he left you peacefully."

He stared at her with a look of genuine compassion. Whatever she said to him made him feel better. What if there was a way to understand his incomplete thoughts?

Theo brought her closer to him with a strong hug, "How do you know what to say... right?"

"I think it's the fact that I understand you with the pain of blaming yourself."

He rubbed her back making her feel safe, "tell me... I want to be there for you too."

"I like to keep it short since I relive the moments with my therapist more than with myself."

"That is alright. I am willing to listen no matter what." he said.

"I was younger than you when my parents passed. I witnessed them dying painfully in the car accident that we were all in. I was impacted greatly by my mother since she was always the sign of my happiness. She was also... pregnant with my younger brother. I don't remember much but I know it was terrifying as a child. The worse comes afterwards, since I thought I was rescued... This person violently took me out of the smoke-filled car, and he took me far into the woods... and well you can tell... um..." she held Theo tighter with fear, "he ruined me."

Theo grabbed her into a hug tightly as he could. This made him know now that he would never let go and protect her forever. He was pent up with anger knowing that someone touched his woman.

"But thankfully I am alive after the... kidnapping of three weeks. My grandparents finally found me and threw that man into a life of prison. Ever since then, I have PTSD, but I am working on controlling myself better."

"Claire, if anyone touches you know that I am the one to call to break their limbs. There is no way to completely fix anything but there are ways to heal you with the protection that I can give." he took her in through her charming gaze, "You are mine to save."

A comfortable silence was put in place as they studied with each other. It was suddenly getting hotter in the room and the sexual tension was real but the thoughts on both sides were becoming clearer than daylight.

"Theo?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

It was immaculate.