The Stanley Parable Oneshots

◇"Any time"☆

(haha Stanley has body issues now! if anyone is dealing with this feel free to vent on this paragraph)

[Update logs, published on June 14th 2023. Updated April 15 2024]

Stanley was not okay.

As normal as he seemed to seemed to be. But a normal human being wouldn't need to pretend to be normal.

'Everything was fine' Stanley tried to remind himself as he clutched onto his knees in the executive bathroom.

Stanley honestly didnt even know how he got to the bathroom.

He just knew he couldn't open the bathroom door and it was better to keep his head burried in his legs.

Stanley had been having some rather intrusive thoughts more often.

Although he would normally never cry about his body image he was now!

Well maybe that one time when the Narrator called him fat.

Or a few times he tried to cover his stomach with his hands.

Some more repeating times where he used to tape his stomach.

Okay this was a problem for Stanley, not that he would ever admit that to the Narrator.

The Narrator had been trying to get Stanley's attention for about a hour now.

"STANLEYYYY GET OUT OF DREAM WORLD THE KEYPAD IS WAITING AND IT'S GETTING MAD NOWWW" The Narrator called
(like that one scene in the Ultra Deluxe AD)

Stanley sat in front of the door, not wanting to be moved.

"Stanley? Did I do something wrong?"

[No, it's not you] Stanley signed as he still kept his face down

"Oh! Then what is it, Stanley? Are the lights bothering you? I'll put new ones, and nicer textures.."

[No, those are fine it's just that..Nevermind you might not understand]

"Is it a human problem?"

[Pretty sure it extends a bit more than humans]

"Uhmm....Are you on your period?"

[WHAT]

"It's a question Stanley! I need answers..I dont know much about human autonomy"

[People who dont have a v-tool don't have periods. And some people who do have a v-tools can choose to have it or not which is basically birth control]

"Geez, your species is so horny that they needed birth control?"

[Dont act like your species is better]

"It is! Atleast we dont have gendered stuff the day we're made."

[Like baby clothes?]

"Exactly! We dont have any of that! Just anything we want to wear!"

[That sounds..cool?]

"It is very cool! Since it proves my species is better than yours!"

[..Narrator?]

"Yes, Stanley?"

[Thank you]

"For proving you were wrong? Any time Stanley!"

[No, for making me feel better]

"Huh? But what'd I do to help?"

[You distracted me, I needed that]

"Well, you're welcome then, Stanley!"

[What has the keypad been saying?]

"It said you were fat, but then I called it's buttons overly large, so it's crying now."

[What number is it pushing?]

"Luckly number 7!"

[7 seems kinda random]

"Not really! In texts people use numbers to convey emotions or to use in emojicons!"

[The fuck is an emojicon?]

"Sometimes I do forget you're older than me, but then you have moments of these which remind me!"

[..I'm older than you?]

"Im pretty sure! The Stanley Parable had your presence before mine! Can imagine what a pain in the ass that would be? Adding dialog before having the title or your name?"

[..You should so FUCKING OLD THOUGH]
(srry yall it's sound, I never proof read but probably should)

"Yes, well maybe you shouldn't judge me just off my voice."

[..Let me see your physical form.]

"..Pardon?"

[Let me see it.]

"Stanley! You don't ask people to see their physical form that's rude!"

[Please? I'll do whatever you want for the next 10 runs]

"No! Plus I don't think it would be a good idea."

[Why not?]

"I haven't had physical touch in a long time"

[Me too.]

"Yes I know! But if I come down there..I nevermind, but I'm not going down!"

[Why]

"Because if I do, we get delayed on the story"

[So? we're doing that right now]

"Stanley..what do you expect to do wheb I come down?"

[Hug you, and then you can go back up]

"..Yes well it appears we have different levels of touch starved."

[What would you do?]

"Something more than hugging."

[Really?]

"Well..I haven't had physical touch before the Parable either."

[Like never?]

"It stopped when I reached a certain age, but yes"

[So you've never had a hug?]

"Only from family"

[That's bullshit]

"Yes, well..Back to the script! Come, come Stanley! The keypad wants an apology!"

[..Fineeee]

Stanley had to write a very sincere apology to keypad