Problem Solvers

c'est la vie

It was a normal day. Sure, dead people kept turning up alive all over the place, but that was already old news.

He wasn't freaking out or anything. He was used to Five bringing people back from the dead with time travel bullshit. It was practically the new normal.

Five had even said that the whole family had died several times over. At first, Diego hadn't believed him... but now he did.

So it was a normal day.

Or... as normal as a day can be, when you go on a date with your dead ex-girlfriend.

"Spit it out," Eudora said.

"Ugh," Diego said. "Spit what out?"

"You've been acting so freakin' weird," Eudora said. "The hell is wrong with you?"

"There's nothing wrong with me!"

"You're a shitty liar," Eudora said. "Just TELL me, dammit."

"What do you want to hear, huh?" Diego said. "You want me to tell you that I'm pathetic and that I'm still in love with you and that I want a second chance?"

Eudora sighed.

"Look," Diego said. "I'm not good at this shit. You already knew that."

"I'm not good at this shit either!" Eudora said. "But I'm also not stupid."

"The hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You flipped like a SWITCH," Eudora said. "Out of no where!"

"What?" Diego said. "What the hell do you mean?"

"One day you're telling me to go fuck myself," Eudora said. "And the next day you're begging me to date you? You're buying me flowers? Fuck off! What's your angle here?"

"There isn't an angle!" Diego said. "I'm appreciating uh, I'm appreciating what I lost!"

"Uh huh," Eudora said. "It's been years since we broke up, Hargreeves."

"But it's only been a couple weeks since you died!" Diego snapped.

Eudora stared at him as if he was a lunatic. Like those quacks at the psychiatric ward in the 60s.

"Fuck," Diego said. "I hate time travel."

"You want to try that again?" Eudora said.

"You know what?" Diego said. "I've... um, I've decided to bow out."

"Bow out?" Eudora said. "What do you mean?"

"Uh..." Diego frowned at his half eaten burger, trying to figure out the most polite way to say what he needed to say.

"Just say it," Eudora said.

"I obviously don't deserve you," Diego said, finally. "So... uh... I'm going to, like, I'm gonna politely give up?"

"What?" Eudora said.

"So... like... we can still be friends?" Diego said.

"Wait a damn second," Eudora said. "Are you breaking up with me?"

Diego frowned, "Uh... are we dating?"

She glared at him and said, "Well I THOUGHT so!"

"Oh!" Diego said. "I thought I was trying to convince you to date me!"

"Dumbass," Eudora said. "You already convinced me."

"I did?!"

"Fuck," Eudora said. "I hate you."