Problem Solvers

The Séance

It was a very rude awakening.

Klaus fell out of bed and stared up into the charming, yet decidedly angry, face of his youngest brother and realized:

The little bugger pushed me off the bed.

"Ooooow," Klaus said. "Just... ouch. My bones have been bruised."

"Get up," Five said.

Blanket still tangled around his legs, Klaus reached down to pointedly pull it up over his head.

Five tried to pull the blanket off, but Klaus had a tight hold.

"Just get up," Five growled.

"I politely refuse," Klaus said.

"It's daytime," Five insisted. "You have to get up when it's time to get up."

"Who died and made you the sleep police?"

"I'm serious," Five said. "This is unacceptable behavior, Number Four."

"Wooow," Klaus said. "Just... I am speechless. I am without words."

"The day you're without words," Five said. "is the day I'm without brains."

Klaus giggled.

"You're already awake," Five said. "So get up."

"Nooo," Klaus said. "Nope, nope, nope."

"Why not?"

"Becaaause," Klaus said. "there's still a chance I can get back under."

"Under?"

"Yeah," Klaus said. "Under the sandman's gentle bosom."

"What?" Five said. "The sandman wouldn't have a bosom."

"Why wouldn't he?"

"He's a man." Five finally snatched the blanket away, the little monster.

"Oh my sweet summer child," Klaus said. "There exist in the world men with bosoms. One day, you will understand this."

"Okay, first of all," Five said. "We were born in autumn. Secondly, you're wrong."

For some reason, this was the funniest thing Klaus had heard in months. He laughed his ass off.

Which, of course, offended Five.

But a kick to the shoulder from a snooty thirteen year old in suspenders was not the cure to the giggles Five seemed to hope it would be.

Instead, it added fuel to the fire and Klaus laughed so hard he nearly suffocated.

"Are you high?"

"Hey," Klaus gasped. "I resent that accusation, sir."

"Do you?" Five said. "I found your stupid stash, so if anyone should be resenting anyone it's me."

That finally did the trick. The laughter petered out.

Klaus cleared his throat. "Okay, but in my defense... my therapist says weed is fine in moderation? As long as I don't-"

"Then why are you sleeping all day?"

"Huh?"

"It's 12 o'clock!" Five said. "It's daytime."

"Uh, yes," Klaus said. "But I was out until, like, 4 a.m. Don't you think I deserve my beauty sleep?"

"If you got home earlier," Five said. "You could wake up earlier."

"Nah," Klaus said. "I'm a vampire."