ʙᴏʀɴ ꜱɪɴɢᴇʀ || ʙᴛꜱ 8ᴛʜ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ

× grief ×

We won't know when someone finally had enough of this world treating them so cruelly that they decided to end things. That's mostly because the most pained people had the widest and most beautiful smile. The passing of Ryuu's brother had her crying for days on end. She blamed herself as he had took his own life by overdosing on pills.

That day, Ryuu was having fun with the members as they finally had some time off schedule and they decided to go on a short vacation together to France. It was such a fun day, what could possibly goes wrong... right? They're all having such a good time until Ryuu received a call from her father, bearing a bad news. Once she processed what he had said, her knees felt weak so she tumbled to the ground. Phone is already on the ground, not caring if her father is still on the other side of the line.

She stayed like that for a solid five minutes and Taehyung realized it. "Ryuu? Are you okay?"

Words are mumbled and pictures are blurred to her. All she could think of is that five words sentence. "Gyujin took his own life." It was repeating itself like a broken record in her head. Everyone rushed to Ryuu and Jungkook gently pat her cheeks to wake her up from her head but it's not working. They're all getting anxious and Jin picked up the phone laying on the ground. He placed it next to his ear.

"Abeonim, is everything okay? Ryuu is not responding to us." Jin's eyes widened in shock after listening to the truth. He bid goodbye with Ryuu's father and ended the call. "Guys, we need to go back to Korea. Something happened to umm..." he looked at the now silently crying Ryuu, "Gyujin. Let's go."

———-

Jin explained to the guys on plane that Gyujin had commited suicide and it shocked all of them. They didn't expect Gyujin who's always happy and smiley was hurting so bad. Soon enough, the arrived at Incheon airport, wearing all black as they're heading to Gyujin's funeral. Jungkook had to wrap his arm around Ryuu's waist as she could barely walk from the shock. She had been crying for hours in the plane.

It was even worse as they arrived at the funeral home. She refused to look at Gyujin who's laying lifelessly in the casket. While the other members pay their last respect to him, Ryuu is crying while being in the embrace of her mother who had stopped crying to comfort the girl. Gyuwon, who's Gyujin's twin stood next to his casket. His face pale and tired. His eyes are puffy, swollen and red, no doubt from crying too much. Jin was the first one to hug Gyuwon and all hell break loose.

The tears that Gyuwon tried so hard to keep at bay is now back on his face. "I'm sorry for your loss. It was such a devastating loss. He's such a nice person." Gyuwon nodded his head, agreeing with Jin. Jimin looked around after crying too and he realized how quiet it is. This is the family which is always filled with laughter and joy but now all he could hear is cry and sorrow. It was painful to say the least.

Namjoon and Hoseok was called over by Ryuu's father and they went to him. He held both their hands and with a sad smile, said, "please take good care of my daughter for me, okay? I'm scared this will affect her so badly that she will do the same thing. Please help me, can you?"

His voice is desperate. Losing a child is already so painful, he doesn't even want to imagine what it would feel like to lose two of his own. Hoseok smiled softly and nodded his head. "We'll do our best to protect her, abeonim. You don't need to worry." The man broke down crying. It was so hard with the passing of his first born and as the head of the family, he didn't have time to let his emotions get the best of him.

———-

At night, after the burial ceremony, BTS stayed over at Ryuu's parents house. It was dull and gloomy, unlike the time like before. For some reason, it was suffocating them with grief and sadness. Ryuu had not spoken a word to anyone nor even eat. The second she arrived home, she headed straight to Gyujin's room and locked it after she had entered. She sat on the floor against the door, taking in the emptiness of the room.

Pictures of the family was left untouched on his desk. For the first time in two days, Ryuu finally said something, "why? Why didn't you say anything to me?"

She had no one to blame but herself. She thought that she was too insensitive and because of it, she lose her brother. Hugging her knees close to her chest, she cries once again, but this time, it's louder and more painful. All the guilt and anger eating her up. Mrs Ahn sat on the chair in the kitchen, balling her fist against the counter in pure agony. Hearing her daughter cries hurt her more than she had ever expected and imagined.

No one in the house dared to go and comfort Ryuu, not even Jungkook. They just sit silently as the girl's wails echo through the house. However, after some time, the cry dies down for a while before it began again. In that short 15 minutes, Ryuu is reading a letter that Gyujin had left on his table. It was a suicide letter for everyone but the one for Ryuu is especially long.

In the letter, it was all that Gyujin had never said to Ryuu.

"Hey, my favorite girl. By the time you're reading this, I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere far away already, right? I'm sorry I chose to do this but everything was so hard and I can't bear it anymore. I know you'll blame yourself so don't do it. It wasn't your fault I chose to do this. You're such an amazing little sister. You're everything I could ask for and more.

Do you want to know something, Ryuna? Before doing this, I thought about it for days. The only thing that kept stopping me is the thought of you crying days and nights because of me. I mean, I did promised you that I won't let anyone make you cry, right? How ironic is that? At the end, it was me who made you cry the most. I'm sorry, Ryuna. I want to keep on going, I really did but it wasn't as easy as I had thought. All the work, the pressure of not being enough, the lack of motivation.. I just don't know how to cope anymore. Surely I should've shared my problem with someone but I don't want anyone to be burdened by my problems so I kept it all to myself.

You're an inspiration to me, Ryuna. You're always smiling even though you're in pain. Even when the hate comments filled your timeline, you could still smile like it was nothing. That made me admire you so damn much. It wasn't easy on you but you're so strong and I want you to keep the spirit. Don't be weak like me. I succumbed to the devil and it made me do evil things. Share your problems to those who are willing to listen to you and hold you until you're all healed. Don't bottle it all up. It's a warning, Ryuna. I don't want you to end up like me.

Ryuna, I want you to know that you made me feel most alive on days I wanted to give up. Don't tell mom or dad or Gyuwon but you're my favourite of all. I don't know, I just love you so much and as much as I wanted to protect you for your whole life, I'm now unable to do so. Even so, I'll still watch over you from the sky now. If Jungkook dared to make you cry even once, I'll haunt him until he cry himself so don't worry, alright?

I need you to live your life to the fullest. Enjoy it while you can. And my final and last warning, do not end up like me. You're better than that. I know you are. I think that's all. Farewell, my dear sister."

After reading it, Ryuu couldn't stop crying. Her chest is throbbing with pain and it was so intense that she doesn't know what to do. She could barely breathe. If it was not enough with the letter, she saw a small voice recorder in the envelope that held the letter for her previously. She took the voice recorder and pressed the play button.

"Ryuna yah. Eat well, sleep well and live well for me, hmm? I love you so much, my little baby!" The recording ended with him laughing happily but it caused Ryuu to cry even harder if it was even possible. It was unbelievable that he had left them. "You're so mean, oppa. You're so mean! I hate you! I hate you so much! I hate you!" She thrashed around until she was too tired to even move so she laid on the bed, hugging Gyujin's favorite hoodie. With one last sob and a little whisper, "I love you too, oppa. I'm sorry," she finally went to sleep.

———-