Just, Us.

I

Sometimes I just look at some of your clips live that passed through my feed. I usually hear you and your fans teasing each other. That, at least seeing you smiling, you're okay. 

Until one moment, the air has changed.

1:15am

I'm about to sleep and yet, my phone kept ringing.

11 missed calls from You and 3 unread messages from you.

1 message and 1 missed call from P'sun

1:08am

I'm at the usual place, I want you to pick me up

1:10

Can we talk?

1:11

Nevermind. I'll go home at 1:30am. People starts to get plenty here.

P'Sun:

Did she contact you? She's not here in her room.

I immediately got my hoodie and bucket hat and mask. Thank God for these protection gears I don't even have to wear make up. As I was on the way to the pub, I called P'Sun.

"I'll bring her back to her room, Phi. I'll stay with her. Be back at 7:30am before she wakes up. Yes, I am sure. Thank you Phi."

Biting my lips and my nails due to anxiousness why are you like this... have you also watched the live? I just have to steer away my feeling cause you're having it now to someone else. Who am I stop you from being happy?

Papa also kept on calling me after the Live, P'Van too but I don't wanna give a big deal about it cause I was just speaking up. What I feel inside. I don't really want this pressure thing be put over our heads. I was just tired. But my feelings towards you were just bottled up and kept inside of me. I don't wanna take some risks and face more consequences if we pursue this. You don't deserve to be hurt. By hiding this, no, keeping this. I hope this would last.

~~Words aren't easy when my eyes don't say the same//Wish I could tell you just as easy as I say your name//Do I fold or go all in?~~

I kept on calling your phone but you won't answer. Then there's this bouncer who caught my attention and led me from where you are. At the VIP Corner at the bar counter wearing your pajama and a hoodie. No wonder who'll come near you with that attire.

"Is she here for a long time?" I asked the bartender.

"She talked all about you Khun Charlotte. She's been here since about the live she's saying. Don't worry I won't spill it she gave me some tips for two nights now. I told her to call you. The last time a tom came to pick her up." You held my face with your both hands you saw my eyes are worried and kinda angry, cause you know I don't like you to be like this.

When you heard my voice, you suddenly make that cute pouty face. I squished your cheeks.

"Heeeeyy, bro told you she would come." I immediately pressed your lips.

"P'fa I'm here. You gave me the address. This must be my fault. I'm sorry."

That's all I could say. As I'm taking you inside the car. You're being playful you won't come in...your drunken eyes wants to say something but you can't say it. I don't wanna hear it so I just pushed you inside and put the seatbelt on.

I took a deep breath before coming in, I can do this. I hit the speed so that we'll be home in an instant.

"Nu~"

"Hmm?"

"Do you ever want us to be more than?"

"More than...what?" Then there's that red sign, I hit the break. When I look at you, you're fast asleep. P'fa you're annoying at times but why do I still fall for you every single time?

How I wish opening up what I feel is as easy calling you as Daddy or saying your name. How I really wish I was braver.

~~I realize what's at stake but I don't know how to show you how I really feel, truly feel baby~~

I brought you home, I'm about to leave but then again. You held my hand.

"If this is not a dream, please stay." I just look at you half asleep.

I'm sorry P'fa if I'll stay there are things we can't take risks. I don't want us to be destroyed by this feelings that I'm having. I don't wanna ruin the plans we have plan for each other. Let this be my little appreciation, I kissed your cheeks while sleeping. Thank you for the moments I have with you.

Days after I haven't heard any reactions of the people and the fans about us, but this kind of quiet is weird. But I have to get over the day I have work to do.

I got a ping from the group chat

Nudee: have you heard where is P'fa? I went to her room no one's around

Chom: I read some fans said she's having a break.

Tina: Yeah, they said at some province I'm not sure...

Heidi: I'm from my rehearsals, I heard her trainors are looking for her.

Ma: Maybe, she need that break. Hope she's enjoying it.

I'm about to type a message but I got a call from my mom:

Mom: Lottie? Will you pick me up for later?

Me: Oh, right. Yes, mom I will be the one to pick you up and bring you to your hotel. I missed you.

Mom: I miss you too baby.

My mom stayed for only 3 days. I stayed off from the media and phone. I even asked Papa (Boss)  to have my next days be free as I'm about to have my mom in country. This night is her last night of stay, I pampered her we have our home salon session and dinner date at the hotel's rooftop resto. I reserved a table for two.

We talked about my dreams and passions and She asked me about you. I thought she wouldn't bring her up 'cause I didn't react as she gave me a cake that our pic was innit.

"So, Engfa...the Miss Grand Thailand..." I drank water... and simply gulped.

"..Oh.. she was my roommate mom. What about her?" I was playing with the fork as I was pretending to act chill(?)

"Eyes on me, Charlotte..." Too bad she knows I'm a bad liar.

I just look up to her and look at her in the eye... she immediately understood what I'm about to say. She just open the palm of her hand. I gave my hand on hers...

" Even I am far, You're still my Charlottie. I know you. There's no need to be anxious or scared. I'm your mother, My child's happiness is mine too. No need to answer my question. As long as you're happy. Mom is happy...Don't let anyone stop the feelings you have inside. I'm sorry if your dad and I didn't work out but you're made perfectly by love and trust. That's you, Charlotte Austin. My Daughter who made me proud how you've grown as a woman "

Something's changed that night. My heart's been better. I've been anticipating for your comeback from your vacation but days later...no news.. until..