Quietly Yours

Fade Away

I'm dreading going to school today. I know everyone will be gossiping about how I got roofied Friday. After that trainwreck of a party, I decided I needed to do whatever it takes to convince my parents not to send me back to Kook Academy for another year. Even if it means that I can't put these Kooks to shame. Unfortunately, the one thing my parents did teach me is that the best way to handle a scandal is by not saying anything at all. If I don't react the Kooks won't have anything to fuel their gossip. As much as I hate the thought of not being able to stand up for myself I have to ignore them no matter how bad it gets. There's no way my parents can find out about this because if they find out they'll most likely find a way to turn things around and somehow blame me.

As soon as I enter the building the lacrosse players were already laughing and teasing me, "Good thing your boyfriend came to pick you up huh?" The comments only made it more obvious that it was in fact the piece of shit lacrosse player trying to smooth-talk me was the one that drugged me.

I tried to ignore their sly comments and glared at them instead. I desperately want to scream at them, to tell them about how they are horrible human beings, to defend JJ as they continue talking crap about how the Pogues are scum. I keep my mouth shut and keep walking, feeling helpless. I try to remind myself that keeping quiet will all be worth it in the end, that I'll be out of here in 6 weeks. I just need to keep it together just enough so my parents let me transfer to Kildare High next fall. I let the days go by, barely processing, trying to get the horrible reminders that everyone hates me out of my mind.

That week there was a record number of notes in my locker. Instead of sticky notes calling me a whore or a slut for having multiple boys for best friends there were random notes from a 'secret admirer'. They were obviously fake. I knew everyone at school hated me. They said stupid things like 'meet me in the bathroom in 15', or something about inviting me to go on a date with this 'admirer'.

I preferred the notes over public humiliation. There have been several occasions when the popular kids would trip me when I was walking by, making me drop all my books. Everyone would laugh while whispering to their friends.

At the beginning of the school year I thought things couldn't possibly get worse. Boy was I wrong. At first, the worst thing the Kooks could say about me was that I wasn't rich enough to go to Kook Academy. That if my parents were real Kooks they wouldn't have to work. Thinking back, it's such a laughable insult. They would make other stupid remarks about how I used to hang out with the dirty Pogues.

Once I started hanging out with Sarah the comments subsided a little bit. Things kind of got bad again when we got closer, because no one could understand why the Kook Princess would want to be friends with me. After she ghosted me that's when things really went to shit. I even contemplated ending my life because there were no signs of things getting better anytime soon.

When you're surrounded by cruel people for months on end, sometimes it's hard to remember that there are people that love you. I let myself get so wound up in the hatred, I began to believe it. Convincing myself that everyone hated me, the Pogues included.

But that was far from true, and that voice in my head was nothing but lies. The Pogues never stopped caring about me. JJ showed me that he never stopped caring. He grabbed my hand and led me out of the dark labyrinth that is my mind. Showing me love and reminding me that there is beauty in this world. It reminded me to keep pushing forwards, I will get through this.

✮✮✮

It's a Friday night, two weeks after Dakota's party. JJ and I never spoke about the events of that night after waking up in the Humble Abode that morning. I'm managing to keep myself busy enough to ignore it until everyone forgets about it.