Sign Your Name Across My Heart

Chapter thirty

  Three weeks went by quickly. I haven't spoken too much to Hawthe, as everytime I speak to him, I feel like I have to give him an answer. Yes I want you to provide for me, no I want you to let me do what I want to do. Neither answer feels like the right one oddly enough because in a way, it would be nice to be spoiled but on the other hand - I don't want to give in just because the offer is being presented to me. This all seems too easy... too weird.

I know he told me to take my time but it feels like there's this big clock above my head and it's running lower and lower, ticking louder and louder the more time that goes by, and I'm simply waiting for that big buzzer to go off - to where I'll be forced to give my answer.

As I sit at dinner with Ivy, I feel my phone buzzing in my pocket. I quickly pull it out and take a glance at who texted me. Hawthe.

Would you like to grab dinner with me?

I smile and text him back under the table.

So sorry, I'm out with Ivy right now! Tomorrow?

He answers back right away.

Sounds good to me.

"Is that Hawthe?" Ivy asks while snickering.

"Yeah, it is." I reply, putting my phone away.

"God, you're absolutely crazy if you don't accept his offer." She mumbles.

I roll my eyes in response. "See, I hate the way that sounds. Accept his offer." I mock her.

She scoffs, "Oh, come on. A filthy, disgustingly rich man is telling you he likes you and wants to pay for everything while you sit back and do nothing. Who doesn't want that?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know. Of course that sounds great, you know. I actually haven't been stressing about finding a job these past couple weeks and it's felt great. But I just can't help but think that this is all really weird. He barely knows me and he already likes me, he wants me to not get a job, just stay at home all day? Be his girlfriend? I'm not even sure if I like him like that." I explain the thoughts I've been having lately.

"Like him like what? You can't deny that he's gorgeous."

I shrug again. "Yeah, of course he is. He's a good looking man. But I'm supposed to date him just because he wants to be my sugar daddy?"

She laughs. "Well, it's not like that!"

"But it basically is."

Ivy stares at me and presses her lips into a thin line. "I don't know, babe. I feel like you're in a really tight spot and you're running out of options, right?" I stare at her but I don't respond. "Are you... Secretly hoping Ash is going to come back around? Is that why you don't want to go out with Hawthe?"

The words she said sting. Is she right? Have I subconsciously been pushing Hawthe away because I want Ash back? "I don't know." I mumble. "Maybe. I guess. I don't know, Ivy." I repeat. "I just feel confused. And weird."

She leans back. "Well I don't think you should be feeling weird about any of it. You deserve to be treated like a princess! If I was a lesbian, or like... a guy, I would totally make you quit your job and live with me and spoil you." She laughs.

I giggle and cover my mouth with my hand. "Stop it." I replied.

"No, I'm serious. I just think you need to... shut up and take the offer. Like seriously, who wouldn't want this? And, if you try it out and you don't like it, just leave, get a job." She throws her hands up in the air.

I can't answer. I still haven't made my mind up. How can I?

Later in the night, Ivy turns down onto my street to drop me off. As we roll closer to my door, I lock in on my building and I see my front door wide open.