Sign Your Name Across My Heart

Chapter twenty-one

I sigh and hold my hands to my face, covering it. "He's your boss?" I raise my voice.

"Yeah, he's my boss." He mumbles.

"I thought you said he's someone you work with."

"I work for him." He sighs. "I just didn't think I needed to give specifics. I didn't think he'd ever come up again."

Despite it all, there's one thing that's most troubling to me about this whole situation. "How did he get my address if you didn't give it to him?"

He stares at me for a while. "Hawth has a lot of... power. He knows people who know people. He can get anything he wants. Anything." His emphasis on words makes me scared. "It was probably fucking easy for him to find out where you live." He starts to pace back and forth from my kitchen to my living room.

"What does this mean? Why did he even come here in the first place?" It feels like my heart is going to explode from my chest and I begin to panic.

He lets out a deep sigh and rubs over his face. "I don't know, Libby. I don't know." He looks down at the ground and I feel more panic grow inside of me. There's absolutely no reassurance in what he just said. I've never seen Ash look defeated before. I haven't known him for very long but I feel as though I know him enough to realize something isn't right.

"He seemed nice enough when he was here. I mean, he didn't try anything... weird. Like Bram." I explain.

He rolls his eyes. "He's not like Bram, that's the thing. Bram will act like a tool and eventually he'll give up, but Hawthe isn't like that. He... He just takes what he wants. He doesn't care. I shouldn't have let you meet him. Fuck, I wish you hadn't come to Bram's after the fucking museum." He hangs his head low. "I didn't want you to. I feel like Bram did it on fucking purpose. He knows I don't want you around that shit and look what he does. Bring you right in the fucking middle of it." He rambles on and on.

"But I just don't get it. What does Hawthe want?" I ask again. I feel like he's beating around the bush and not saying what he really wants to say.

"Like I said, I don't know. I just know he's fucking up to something." He walks to my couch and plops down, hard. He sinks into the cushions beneath him. I walk over to him and join him.

"And there's nothing you can do about it?" I stare at him.

"Not unless I wanna lose my job." He states. "Or worse." He adds on in a very faint whisper.

"Worse?" I shout, leaning forward.

"Libby. I can't explain everything to you. It's just too much. But I'm deep in this shit. Like, really fucking deep. Hawthe knows too much about me and I don't even know if I'm sure what he's capable of doing. I have to be smart about this. If this was anyone else I would've beat the shit out of them for being here. But it wasn't. It was him." He stares off into space and I feel my heart break a little. He looks so upset, so angry. "The worst part is is that he knows he has me by the fucking balls. I can't do anything."

"Am I safe?" I ask.

He looks at me and I can't tell what his eyes are trying to tell me. "You are. You will always be safe with me."

I sigh and move over, positioning myself so that I'm straddling him. He comes back down to earth and looks me in my eyes before placing his hands on my hips, gently squeezing them every couple seconds. I'm worried and I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say to make this situation any better, but I have an idea.

"Maybe we can do something that'll take both our minds off of it." I insist.

A spark ignites in his eyes and a tiny smile forms soon after. "What did you have in mind?" He rubs his hand further down, down the side of my thigh.

I shrug my shoulders. I'm too shy to tell him what I want to do, but I'm hoping he gets the hint.

I slowly lean in, close to his face and I place a gentle peck against his lips. He does the same and kisses me back, but a little harder and longer.

He hungrily stands up with me in his arms, holding me up, walking me to my bedroom. Once we reach inside, he brings me to the bed and drops me down. I bounce against the springs and let out a giggle. He crawls onto the bed, grabbing my arms and pinning my wrists down above my head. I bite my lip, looking up at him, feeling a funny tightness in the pit of my stomach. I know what I want and I want it tonight. For as long as I could remember, I dreamt about what it would be like to have sex and now it was finally going to happen.

"I want you to fuck me." I whisper to him. I can feel the heat rising to my cheeks as they grow red with embarrassment. I can't believe I just said that.

I see his eyes widen slightly, his eyebrows raising. "How bad?" He whispers back.

I gulp, wiggling underneath him. "So bad, Ash. So, so bad."

That's all I had to say. Ash took off my clothes so quickly I barely had time to blink. In a flash, his clothes are off as well. He plants kisses starting from my lips, down my neck, my chest, my breasts, my stomach. He stops between my legs.

I moan and pull on his hair, my legs wrapping around him as I squirm underneath his tongue. It's so warm.

Ash and I made love for the rest of the night into the morning. We took a break then went back when the sun started to rise.

He was so gentle with me and made sure I was comfortable the whole time.

Losing my virginity was never something I ever thought I'd truly be prepared for, but experiencing it with Ash - I couldn't have been more ready.