Carry that weight (Fruk)

18

After he left, I called Antonio over to my place and told him everything that happened. Luckily, he brought a bottle of wine to help me cope.

"Well, at least you told him. What he does next really is his decision..."

"I know..."

I continued to drink the wine, and he only looked at me like he felt bad. "Oh, do you want to come to our dinner next week? I can send the details later. It should only be my family again," I explained. Antonio smiled at me, nodding. "Of course! You know I would," he smiled. I am sure he just wanted to be there for moral support.

"Honestly, I'm not upset that he wouldn't try and be with me. I know the thoughts were in my mind, but I didn't think he would. I'm not that much of a Twat," I laughed. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and slowly looked down.

"You aren't; I think all of us can get that way. Emma...my girlfriend...before we were together, she always seemed unsure of how I felt, so I had to reassure her. However, I wasn't great at showing it...overthinking and hoping happens plenty."

I was still listening as I opened the message that I had received.

It was from Francis.

"Can I see you tomorrow," it read.

"You know, I'm sure everything will work out, and maybe your brother will stop. And if he doesn't, hopefully, he leaves Francis. That relationship would be doomed. Despite ignoring that it would have a messy divorce."

"I hope so...I don't want this to get worse than it already is. I have it off my chest, and I'm sure it will pressure Francis to say something."

"I work late, not till eight," I replied. I continued to look at my phone, seeing Francis answer. I could see the little bubbles move as he typed a response. "I will be there at ten." Was all he said. It gave me the aura that he was being straightforward, demanding to see me tomorrow. All I could respond with was an 'ok.'

"Is everything okay?" Antonio asked. I didn't realize how I had begun smiling at my phone. His remark made me freeze as I looked up, slightly smiling still. "Huh? Oh yes! I'm great! Don't worry!" I smiled. He nodded at me, a bit concerned, but accepted.

I wonder why Francis would want to meet me... what could have happened within a few hours?

"You know, it will be okay if it makes you a bit sad. I mean, you and he did all those things, and he still rejected you...I don't want that to sound harsh, but I can understand if you were to feel sad about it," he spoke. He smiled at me, reassuringly, and I nodded. It made me sad, but I didn't want to be selfish. It was the last thing I wanted to be.

Growing up, I had always never cared about anyone else but myself, but now... I was grown up. I needed to think about someone else for once. And frankly, my feelings don't matter in this situation. The sentiments of Francis are first priority, and I will ensure that he is taken care of. I'll always be here for him, and he knows that...and that's good enough for me.

"I'll be fine...I had gone so long loving him; what's a little while longer," I smiled. He nodded at me sadly, filling up my wine glass.

"If you want, maybe I could try and set you up on a date—"

"I'll pass; thank you!"

"Eh, you didn't let me finish!"

"No need...I could only imagine the type of people you attract..."

I teased him a bit, and he laughed. "I'm just saying....it could be a nice change! However, adding to your concern... I think you will be fine. I mean, if your brother were to find out, I think he'd be more shocked that you were into men than Francis and you having an affair....he has no room to judge...."

Well, he made several points. Now, I wondered how my brothers would react to me telling them I would date a man. I know they wouldn't care, but I think they would wonder why I kept it in for so long.

I'm not sure.

"I'm sure it wouldn't matter...besides, that shouldn't be their main concern if they found out about Francis and I...besides, they wouldn't..." I explained. If Francis was determined to make things right with my brother, I knew he would manage to somehow keep everything under wrap. I'm not sure why he wanted to see me tomorrow, but I'm sure it is for him to talk to me about my brother. Maybe rant, or ask for advice. Either way, I promised to be there for him, and I would.

I began to mess with my glass, thinking.

This has all become confusing, and irritating.

There is a part of me that wants Francis to ditch my brother...and some of it for the wrong reasons. Then another part of me wants to run away from the situation and pretend it was a confusing bad dream.

"What's with that face you're making?"

"Mmmmm.... I think I'm going to be sick..."

"Huh? What are you talking about?! Huh? WAIT!"

I hate my life.

"Give me a second—"

I covered my mouth quickly and watched how Antonio stared at me, horrified. I quickly ran toward the kitchen, trying my best to hold everything in. I had never thrown up from being so stressed out. However, there is a first for everything.

"OH MY! ARTHUR! ARE YOU OKAY!"

"Please... just leave me Al—BLEEE"

I could hear Antonio get up quickly, turning the corner, and seeing me in my horrendous vulnerable state. "Ah, I think you had too much to drink," he tried to joke. I didn't laugh.

How could I? I was too busy throwing up my feelings. Although, I would have much rather been eating them. Then again, that would have also led to me throwing them up...

A terrible, endless cycle, really.