Carry that weight (Fruk)

10

Once we arrived at my home, Francis followed me to my backyard. We were going to sit outside for a smoke. I had not said anything to him the entire walk to my home, but what could I do? I couldn't just say, 'Hey, my brother is cheating on you!'

That would not end well at all.

"You okay? You seem like something is bothering you," He spoke. I turned my head to him slowly. I felt that maybe my face looked terrified of the question. I don't usually lie; I do tell the truth. I have been known for being brutally blunt, but right now. I couldn't.

If I kept a secret, it was added to my mental bowl of secrets. I have plenty in there, of course. Many I have never told a soul, For the obvious reasons of it being a secret. However, now this mental bowl is filled up. I needed to get a secret out. My mind was racing, and my heart felt like it would explode.

"I am peachy," I mumbled.

I sat on one of the tiny chairs I had outside, and he did the same. "Well, that is good. I do want to tell you how sorry I am. We have grown apart since I have been with your brother. I remember we used to have so much fun...when we weren't going at it with each other..."

I smiled at what he said, nodding.

We were rough with each other when we first met; then, we weren't so physical and would always give each other attitude. Then...in college, we only began to go easy on each other. Now we were older, he was married, and I...wished we didn't distance ourselves.

"Don't worry; I think we are just grown up now..."

In reality, it made me sad.

I could only dream of what things could have been. Now I am watching him in love with my brother, who is cheating on him. I am as bad for not saying anything. Now, my secret bowl was starting to fill up. There was only so much I could try to hide before my guilty conscious got the best of me. I wouldn't be able to try and flirt with Francis because there would be too much on my mind; I needed to lessen the load.

"I am not sure what attracted you to my brother, but I am glad you found happiness..."

He didn't...

How was I supposed to lessen what would happen? I wouldn't be capable of having Francis fall for me. I shouldn't try.

"Thank you...but you are worrying me. You look very stressed out. Are you okay?" He asked. I felt my breathing stop as I looked at him. All I could do was nervously nod at him. This wasn't good. I could physically feel myself getting sick from how overwhelming this was.

"Francis...why did you want to be my friend for so long? We had been so mean to each other before, and I was terrible toward you growing up. It was only in recent years that things changed. What happened?" I asked. His eyes widened, and I noticed how his cheeks turned a light shade of pink. What?

Did I say something wrong?

"Ah, well...that is complicated. You see, I have and always will have a soft spot for you. Marrying your brother did not change that, and it never will. However, don't tell your brother that; he might get jealous," he laughed. His laugh sounded concerned, and I tilted my head at him, a bit confused. "Why do you laugh like that?" I asked. Francis took a deep breath out, looking at me with a smile.

"Something has been strange with Alistair. Would you happen to know if he is hiding anything?" He asked. I felt my heart stop beating, and I grew sweaty rather quickly. I couldn't handle all this pressure; I would burst.

"Are you sure you are okay?" He asked. I looked at him seriously, nodding.

"Yes!" My voice cracked.

"AH...Allistair is a very open person...if he were hiding something, he would have told us by now, don't worry," I laughed. Francis breathed out, relieved. He accepted my answer but still looked deep in thought.

"Okay...he isn't hiding anything...but what of you? Are you hiding something from me? You look awfully nervous," he spoke. He looked at me suspiciously, and my mind began to think of every secret I had in my head.

And here it went...I was a witness in my own mind.

"STEP RIGHT UP TO THE WHEEEEEL OF ARTHUR! YOU SPIN THE WHEEL, AND IT LANDS ON WHATEVER SECRET HE HAS KEPT FOR THE PAST TWENTY YEARS!"

"WHOOOOOO!"

"AND NOW...our first contender! Hello sir, my name is Arthur, and you?"

"Arthur!" I spoke. I looked at the strange copy of myself, jumping with delight as he exposed the wheel. "Classic! Now! It is all or nothing! You spin, and you randomly land on a secret to tell. It could be juicy...or it could be a guilty conscious! What will it be?"

I was forced to go up to this giant wheel full of secrets I had that spanned over the past twenty years. It was ridiculous. "I don't want to..." I spoke, unsure. The crowd began to laugh at me, and I looked at them, horrified.

My hand began moving on its own to the latch on the wheel....spinning it.

I shut my eyes, terrified, waiting for the dinger to go off.

"Tell me what you are hiding! I know you are hiding something!"

My eyes widened, staring at Francis, and I felt my mouth part. 

"Francis...I'm in love with you...and I have been for a long time..."

Saying it out loud made me feel relief, horror, sadness, and terror all in one sitting. We both stared at each other in shock, and I mostly wanted to faint.

"What?"

Well...I am screwed.