Mitts (OLD VERSION)

7. Opening the Doors

I couldn't sleep. I had fallen in and out of sleep all night. It was 3am, my entire body hurt, I was probably severely dehydrated despite the two bottles of water Jammy made me drink, and I could barely breathe with my nose taped and bandaged together. I gently lifted Jammy's arm up from around me and snuck out to the common lounge. I got a glass of ice water and a granola bar. Then just sat. I sat in the moonlit room in silence, alone. Until someone walked in.

Devs.

He was nursing a black eye and busted lip, they were starkly visible in the moonlight. I did a number on him. The guilt bubbled back in my chest, pressing down on my lungs and burning the back of my throat.

I got up and we both froze looking at each other, "I'm sorry." I said, "I panicked and that's no reason for me to have attacked you and I said a lot of shit I am not proud of. I don't know anything about your family situation, and I shouldn't have said that shit. It was completely uncalled for, and a dick move, and you didn't deserve that. I'm sorry. I've been an ass to you since summer training and you don't deserve that. I've been taking a lot of my issues out on you and you didn't do anything to deserve that. I'm sorry."

"Dude, I got you outed." Devs softly said, his voice breaking.

"No, you didn't." I looked up at him, he was crying.

"No, I did. I dumped Max on you, I egged you on, I said some fucked up shit, and I fought back. I let you get outed because I couldn't deal with my stupid brother, fuck I was happy it was you in the headlines and not me. I'm so sorry. I was so mad about Max that I couldn't see anything else. You're dealing with something so much worse than him. And because I left you with him you got outed all cause I can't stand up to my own brother." He was full on crying.

I went up to him and pulled him into a hug, "We both did stupid shit. But it's no one's fault I got outed."

"But I-"

I cut him off, "It was bound to happen. A lot of people put a target on my back in high school. I knew it was going to come to light eventually which sucks but, I knew it was gonna happen at some point. It wasn't and isn't your fault, Devs. I promise.. I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop since before summer training, it was just a matter of time honestly."

He sniffled into my shoulder and lifted his head up, wiping his eyes and nose as we pulled apart from each other, "You shouldn't have been outed like that though."

"Well, it's really just speculation until I confirm it. If I ever confirm it," I pointed out, "I still get to tell people the truth when and if I want to."

"Yeah." He nodded, "I guess so. I'm still sorry."

"Don't be." I looked up at him, "We both made mistakes yesterday. And we both hurt each other. But we're ok now, right?"

"Yeah." He nodded.

We were both quiet for a moment.

"I'm transgender." I said, "It's uh...it's true."

It was weird. It was out there in the world. It just came out of my throat. I didn't think it through. I just...told him, I confirmed it. It felt kind of freeing.

"Thank you for telling me." He smiled softly.

I smiled back, "Ow. Ok ow smiling hurts." I hissed.

We both laughed and grimaced in pain, "Dammit don't make me laugh!" Devs exclaimed softly.

"You're making me laugh." I held my chest.

"Shut up." He whispered.

"You shut up." I laughed.