Mitts (OLD VERSION)

8. Relief

It was kind of nice being out to Jamie. I didn't feel like I was suffocating everyday by hiding a part of myself. It was kind of liberating to just live like it was normal. Nothing really changed. He treated me the same. He didn't seem uncomfortable that I was sharing a room with him. He didn't question that I used the same bathroom as him. He didn't ever slip up or change the way he spoke to me. I was still just me in his eyes.

But the media was a different story. I was getting bombarded on social media to comment on getting outed. No one would leave me alone online for a minute, I hadn't posted since the news dropped. Jamie had to take my phone away from me a few times because I was doom-scrolling, reading all of the articles bashing me and misgendering me. Cal had to mute all notifications on the team socials because people had taken to questioning them.

She didn't say anything though. I really appreciated her for that.

But it was stressful and it really wasn't going to get better at our next game with Chicago Tech tomorrow. People would stare, they'd ask questions, they'd surround me. And no one on the team would know how to react because I hadn't told them. No one asked about it, but I knew that they all wanted me to say something.

We were in the lounge, Cal was going over some last-minute travel details. I needed to do this before we went. I wanted to do this. I was nervous about it, but I wanted to do it.

"Any questions before I let you go?" She asked.

I raised my hand, "Yeah Mitts?"

"Um. Can I just...can I say something while everyone's here in one place?" I asked.

Her eyebrows raised, "Yeah. Floor's yours." She gave me a soft smile.

Jamie grabbed my hand, squeezing it twice. It helped ground me and remind me that I at least had one person in my corner right next to me, "Um. You've all seen the shit people are saying about me on the internet. I don't need to sum up what was um...released on Sunday." I took a shaky breath, "It's true. I'm transgender."

Jamie gently squeezed my hand again, "I uh. I wasn't planning on ever coming out to be honest because I got a lot of shit for it in high school. But it's out there and so I'm telling you. I wanted you guys to hear it from me because you're my teammates and you deserve to know it from me. I don't expect everyone to be on board with it, it's cool. It's a lot I know. If people want me to leave I can. Or I can use a different bathroom or locker room or move floors, I get it. I–"

"Jake." Jamie squeezed my hand twice, "You're spiraling."

I took a breath and wiped my face, "Yeah. But. Yeah. I'm transgender."

The room was quiet. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Everyone's eyes were on me. They all knew now for sure. They all knew. They all knew. They were all judging me, they–

"Thank you for telling us." I looked up to see Riv smiling, "And I can speak for the entire team when I say, we don't care. At all. You don't need to move dorms or leave the team or do anything differently. You're still just Mitts and we love you."

"As long as you still play as well as you do, then no one gives a shit," Devs chimed, looking around the room to make sure no one was disagreeing.

He had been a bit protective since I came out to him. When we ran into each other late at night in the kitchen, he would check in on me constantly. We were friends now, in our own weird overly competitive way. It kind of felt like the way people described siblings. You hate each other but no one else is allowed to hate the other person.

"Wow, that's the nicest thing you've said to me, Devs." I chuckled.

"Fuck you." He flipped me off and I returned the favor.