Blood means nothing

Rebirth

I found Y/N that night in the cafeteria, but something was different. We were not alone. Instead of a dark empty room, it was so bright and bustling with people almost like you'd expect at lunch hour. However, in the middle of the crowd, she sat with a huge beautiful and inviting grin on her face.

"Hey you!" She yelled toward me as I stood at the entrance.

I could feel the corners of my mouth rise. I waved at her. She gestured for me to walk toward her while mouthing,

"Come on come on!"

As I started to walk toward her, I felt someone brush against my side.

"Sorry Sir,"

It was the man Y/N had spoken to earlier. He walked right past me and plopped down next to her at the cafeteria table. My stomach twisted as he leaned toward her ear and whispered. Whatever he had said caused her gaze to travel straight to me and her smile shifted downward into disgust. I raised my hand again to wave and noticed the black gloves that now covered my hands. I opened my mouth to call her name but was met with the harsh tone of the synthesizer. The man next to her traced his fingers down her cheek and smiled widely like he had won a prize. Won her. I felt hot and the room began to spin.

..............................................................................

Sweat had plastered the long strands of hair to my face when I shifted awake in my dark bedroom.

Another dream

I laid in my bed for a moment trying to collect my thoughts. This woman was driving me mad. I had never felt this strange attachment to a person before. If I had it my way, I'd be around her all the time. If I had it Ben's way.

What was happening to me?
Stop it.

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and walked quickly to the bathroom straight to the sink and turned on the faucet. My cheeks appeared flushed, I dipped my hands in the freezing water and brought them up to my face, splashing it upwards onto my warm face. I peeked into the living area and glanced at the clock. I sighed, realizing at some point I would have to go back to sleep, back to the nightmares. I walked into the room where my grandfather's helmet sat on a pillar. He was the most feared man in the galaxy, and I was probably the most frightened man in the galaxy. Frightened of a destiny because I was no longer sure of what exactly I was destined for or what I wanted to be destined for. Was there a life where I could be who I needed to be and who I wanted to be? My grandfather had messed that up and lost everything. However, I'm different, I could keep both lives separate and learn from his mistakes. 

That is it. 

I am reviving Ben. 

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I made my way down the hall, towards the cafeteria.  As I turned the corner and glanced through the door, I noticed it sat completely vacant. I felt disappointment set in, worried I would not find her tonight. Then I remembered her resolve earlier as she marched down the halls looking for me. I swallowed the anxiety building in my throat and kept searching. 

Finally, I found her. Y/N was sitting a few feet away from me on a bench looking out into space. The glow of the stars illuminated her face making her freckles sparkle. 

Who was this person. 

Why is she so beautiful and why does my chest hurt when I look at her.

Her hair was down in waves that crested over her shoulders and down her back. I could not look away. Now that I made the choice to let Ben be free, I would not have to anymore. 

I cleared my throat, "Y/N?"

Y/N turned around so fast and that is when I could see her eyes. The starlight that once illuminated her freckles, now did the same to the wet streams that adorned the front of her face. I waited for her to say something. She just looked at me for a long time and then turned away wordlessly. I was a jerk to her in the infirmary... maybe I had misunderstood when I saw her today. Maybe she was looking for me to reprimand me for treating her so poorly that night. I deserved that. No, I deserve that. I approached her slowly, sitting on the bench beside her. I waited for the storm, but it never came. 

"I am sorry, Y/N." 

At this she finally turned, locking her eyes with mine. Her pupils were wide with surprise. 

"None of this is your fault, you do not owe me anything," she hesitated, "I don't even know your name..." 

My name? 

"Yes you do, it is Ben," I said, admittedly confused. 

She made an annoyed snort, "Your last name...I walked this entire ship looking for you and all I could come up with was Ben." Y/N shook her head, "I have zero right to be upset with you about anything." 

"How about this then? I be upset with myself about all of it, so you do not have to. Then we can carry on being friends," I said reassuringly, resting my hand on her bare shoulder, the small gesture sent a current through me.

She looked at me dumbfounded, "Dummy, that is not how that works" she said smacking my hand off her shoulder. 

I grinned, happy to see some tenacity coming out of her again. I hesitated but tried my best to get my next words out, " Y/N I wanted to be your friend just as much as you wanted to be mine. I was just afraid." 

"Afraid?"

"Afraid of disappointing you," I mumbled quietly. 

She gazed at me perplexed, "Why do you think I'd be disappointed?" 

 I answered truthfully, "I have a lot going on. It feels like I'm at war with myself and it would be unfair to you to drag you into it."

Y/N leaned closer, "Dummy," she whispered while wrapping her arm across the middle of my back, "too late."