Blood means nothing

The Officer

My eyes met the gaze of a woman. Her blue eyes locked onto mine and the intensity made me silently gasp for air. She was staring straight at me, unabashedly, face to face with the Commander of the First Order. Yet, her face showed not a sliver of fear. Breaking our gaze for just a moment was slightly disorienting. Nobody had stared into my eyes like that for years.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you" her voice much softer than before.

Startle me? Unlikely.

Placing my food down onto the serving counter, I asked her what she was doing out passed curfew. Her expression changed to that of confusion as she looked toward me and started to laugh before stifling it.

"What is so funny exactly?" I said with frustration growing in my chest.

A small grin still remained on her face, "Nothing, it's just I could be asking you the same thing."

I made a quick purposeful stride toward her and pointed my finger toward the woman to reprimand her for such behavior toward her Commander. However, when my finger extended, I noticed that my gloves were off. A short lapse in memory. At this moment, I was no longer the Commander to this girl; I was a normal human just like her, composed of soft flesh, and vulnerable without any armor. In this form I had no power; I was an equal.

"I'd put that away if I were you," she said, "It's rude to point at people after all."

Defeated, my hands fell to my side and I nodded.

She walked away towards a table and gestured for me to join her. That was ridiculous. The commander does not dine with his staff. He dines alone. Not entertaining this notion, I grabbed my tray and started to head toward the exit.

"You're not supposed to take trays out of here, remember?" she said.

I turned to face her and saw the amused expression she now wore.
Enough is enough
I waved my hand and told her
"You did not see me here. You will let me leave so I can eat in my quarters."

I turned back on my heels and began to walk toward the exit again when I heard her speak.

"Who is stopping ya'? Plus, I'm not a snitch."

At this, my head jerked around to face her. She shook her head in what almost looked like disappointment, "Also if you eat in your quarters, you will probably wake up whatever crew you bunk with and get caught, right?

It didn't work.
How is that possible?

I knew from my training it was not always guaranteed to work but I've never had trouble with it until recently.

"You don't want that right?"

Interrupting my thoughts, she gestured to the seat in front of her, once more. Curious, this time I accepted the offer, I walked over to her table before sitting and swinging my legs under, which nudged hers in the process. The sudden contact made me feel uneasy. Who am I kidding? I know that when I have to touch someone, I'm always hurting them or reprimanding them. Something about the slight connection we had just made felt wrong. My eyes drifted up to hers but of course she did not seem phased. I directed my gaze toward the food on my plate.

"It's nice to meet you too" she hummed sarcastically, "My name is Y/N".

"Mhmm" I mumbled.

Unphased she went on with her introduction, "I am a Communications Officer."

At this, I looked up wondering if it was the same girl Hux and Phasma were worried about. Seems friendly enough. Though she is breaking curfew, maybe she does have a hard time following orders.

"Do you work with General Hux?" I inquired.

Shocked at a response her eyebrow raised in curiosity, "It's more like he babysits me," she sighed before continuing, "he's definitely got it out for me, I'm not sure why."

Her brown hair fell down into her face, a single wave bouncing off her cheek. She quickly tucked it behind her ear before giving me a warm smile.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be bad-mouthing the General like that..." she shook her head before taking a sip from the glass of water in front of her, "I'm sure he's just hard on me because he wants me to succeed."

I knew now this was the girl. This girl was on Hux's list and even though I was not sure why; I felt bad knowing Hux would most likely demote her within the following days. Hux was not my favorite either but I could not deny that a lot of his actions have been for the good of the First Order, on occasion.

"That could be true," I said.

She rolled her eyes, "I'm going to stay positive but I hope I'm not fooling myself," she once again caught my gaze, "Now, what was your name?"

"I didn't say," I stood up from the table and made my way to the wastebin. I could hear her steps following behind. When I turned back around she was still looking at me expectantly with her arms crossed in front of her.

"It's clear you are embarrassed you got caught sneaking in past curfew," she said breaking our gaze momentarily, "but I'd like to say hello to you if we ever bump into each other again."

I knew I should not have entertained this girl. I didn't have to tell her anything. Yet, I felt like I wanted to. I wanted to see her again, without the shroud of pressure that comes with being Kylo Ren hanging over me.

I felt a small smirk cross my lips.

"It's Ben."

Her face lit up and I could feel my cheeks getting warmer at the mere mention of my real name.