Sunshine Girl (Ryan Upchurch)

The Silence of a Broken Heart

Ryans POV

She hadn't spoken a word in four days. We got home safe and sound. She crawled into bed, then carried on as normal. Never speaking a word to me though. I sat on the porch swing as she rode her horse around the arena. Her concentration strictly on her horse as they pranced around like they were flying.  The silence coming from her was mouth was uncomfortable. Thankfully her eyes spoke for her. Endless rage glimmered behind her eyes. Anger that she used as fuel to the fire, the fire to kickstart her riding again. She spent every waking hour she could riding around on her horses. And when she was done for the day she went straight to bed. I watched as she hopped off her horse, throwing her helmet at the fence beside her. She was angry. And she wasn't getting rid of it. It was like trying to tiptoe around broken glass. Eventually you'll end up cut. I watched as she came unravelled and started fighting with the wood on the fence until it snapped.

"Take a break. Come eat." I yelled out. It got her attention for a moment until she walked to the barn and within 10 minutes appeared with a different horse.

In my honest opinion I think her anger is hiding and ungodly amount of sadness. Its like she's grieving, denial, guilt, anger, bargaining, and depression. But instead of stages its hitting her all at once. All we're waiting for is the upward turn, working through it, and acceptance.

Thankfully I have a plan to get her to talk to me. Even if its just for me to reach somewhere she can't. Its progress.

I walked into the house and set up my plan. Her headphones set up on top of the fridge where she couldn't reach. But thats when I heard her playing a song on her speaker.

White lightning played as she danced on the ground with Molly. One of my songs was giving her a moment of release as she ran beside her horse. She performed tricks on the ground until she climbed onto Molly bareback and rode her around some. I watched as she took her back to the stalls and headed toward the house. I watched as she walked in and to the fridge searching for a bite to eat.

"I can make you something." I said as I looked down at her. Her hair a mess, just barely holding on as it was loosely wrapped into a hair tie, her face covered in dirt and sweat. The dirt a reminder of us getting home that night. She had soot covering her body. I had to bathe her as she sat in the shower in absolute silence. The kind of silence that makes you fear for their life.

I watched as she nodded her head and looked at me. The smallest spark of life forming in her eyes as she glanced up at me before immediately looking away.

"Anything specific you might want?" I asked. I listened and heard no response so I looked over to her. She nodded her head no before looking down at the floor.

"I can't help you if you don't talk to me. I can't cook you something if you don't tell me what you want." I said as I continued to look at her.

"Burgers." She mumbled.

"I can do that." I replied as I smiled at her and began cooking. I fried them up as quick as I could and made hers.

"If you want more there's another in the pan." I said as I handed her her plate. I watched as she quietly sat down at the table and started eating. She was maybe halfway done before she got up and went to the bedroom. I patiently waited for her to come back out but after 10 minutes I got worried.

"Baby? You okay?" I asked as I knocked on the bathroom door. When she didn't answer I decided it was best to go in. I opened the door to see her sitting on the floor silently crying in front of the toilet. I sat down beside her and waited for her to come to me.