Jisungs pov
I held my blades in my hand, I was shaking. I need to break the pattern so it doesn't continue.
With a shaky breath I dropped them into the toilet "cmon, just flush. Dont look back" I re assured myself as my hand reached for the lever, I screwed my eyes shut before flushing them away
Immediately I felt uncomfortable, my skin crawled and my throat went dry. I hugged myself tightly, this was a bad choice.
I cut myself because it's a temporary solution to a permanent problem, what am I doing throwing away my solution!?
Stupid.
" you're so fucking stupid" I began to hyperventalate " what are you doing? what the fuck are you doing?!" I folded in on myself, struggling to catch my breath as tears streamed down my face "stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid! STUPID"
" jisung?" Minhos voice came from the other side of the door "jisung, are you okay?"
I sniffled " no...."
He opened the door slowly and poked his head in before practically running over to hug my tightly
" oh, angel, what happened?" He asked, putting the toilet seat down and sat on it placing me on his thigh so he could hold me close
" I-i" I choked on my words " I threw awa-" I inhaled as I spoke making me gasp " I threw away m-my blades"
" well done, I'm so proud of you baby" he pecked my cheek then nuzzled his nose into my neck " why are you crying over that?"
" its making me uncomfortable, not having them as a last resort if I truly need them" I hummed, feeling almost ashamed of my words
" it's okay baby, remember what you did last time? That helped you prevent it, surely it can help you again" he caressed the back of my head gently playing with my hair, reminding me of the feeling that saved me
He gently kissed my neck as I leant my head back into the feeling
" my angel" he hummed against my skin, continuing to kiss me lovingly " I'm so proud of you, you've achieved so much in one action. You're so close to getting better even if feels like you're millions of miles away , I love you."
" I love you too" I hummed, my heart fluttering at the feeling of his hand caressing my hair and his lips pecking my neck as he muttered reassurances against it
" you're so adorable, and funny and kind and handsome. Everything you do is like a blessing on earth , you just existing makes my day. To know I'm on the same planet as you is like a dream, you're my idol, you're my life, you're my world, you're my universe. I love you more than I can put into words, I'm more proud of you for doing this than I have ever been proud of anyone for doing anything in my whole life." He kissed my collarbones which were slightly revealed by my shirt "my baby, my beautiful, beautiful baby boy"
He held my arms and looked at the many scars I had acquired over the years " I'm sorry.."
" dont apologise " he began to kiss my arms, he liked doing this. I liked it to, it felt like he was healing me. "Never apologise for your mental health, it may not be great, it might have lead you to hurt yourself. But never, apologise for feeling the way you do angel" he hummed, his voice soothing my ears like music "lemme just kiss you better, and let you know that you're okay. You're safe with me" He moved up my arm until he was softly kissing my clothed right shoulder " you're so perfect "
His re assurance was the best I had ever recieved, the soft feeling of his lips running along my jaw as he whispered sweetly into my ear and his hands gently massaged my hips "min" I spoke, playing with his hair
" yes my love?" He replied
" thank you, for everything " I smiled gently " you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."
" I could say the same about you" he smiled back, kissing my lips softly "c'mon, let's go to the living room. We can watch some kdramas and cuddle on the couch"
" yes!" I clapped my hands slightly
He picked me up bridal style to carry me downstairs, felix has been baking today. So hopefully we can have some of that to.
