Jisungs POV
I sat in the corner of the bathroom, it was the middle of class so I was safe. No one came in here unless it was at break.
I had lost control again, so I had to tell the teacher I was going to the bathroom, I couldnt cut in class. That way anyone could see, I didn't want anyone to see.
It felt like I was already dead as I sliced the blade along my wrists , choked sobs passing my dry lips as my mind became foggy and I became incapable of breathing.
My silent cries and the sound of blood dripping on the floor were the only things that could be heard
" fuck you" I spat " you're supposed to be getting clean, why can't you do it!?" I bashed my head on my knees " I'm working so hard, please...just let me stop. Why am I so desperate to do this to myself? Why cant I just be normal.."
My entire body was shaking as I clawed at the fabric of my jeans, I desperately wanted an escape from this reality. I just wanted to be a normal sixteen year old, why cant I achieve that?
" jisung?" Minhos voice echoed through the room " jisung oh my god, stay ther--"
" dont get the nurse, she will tell grandma and grandpa. I dont need more shit from them" I half begged
" o...k, ok I won't " he nodded "how can I help?"
" I don't know " I replied
" what triggered you this time?" He asked as he pulled out some tissues and sat down taking one of my arms and carefully wiping away the blood as if it hadn't been over a year since our last conversation
" I hope I die. I hate my body. I hate the way I look. I hate my hair. I hate my family. I hate my school. I hate myself. Why am I still alive? what have I ever done that was actually good? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be pretty? Why cant I have a skinny body? Why do I pretend to he kind? Why am I supposed to do everything? Why? I'm so lazy. I'm a mistake. A disappointment. An asshole. An idiot. A dumbass. A worthless peice of shit." I hyperventalated
" wow, slow down. Just take a deep breath, why do you feel like that?" He asked calmly
" just .... Im a toxic person , I'm a red flag, I'm a jelous freak and I relapse just because it takes me a away from thinking that even if it's just for a few seconds.." I replied " I'm broken, minho, nothing can fix me. "
He held my cheek gently, just like he used to when it made my heart race and made my head go fuzzy with affection " I'll try. " he pulled out some bandages and wrapped them around my arms
" you cant!" I cried " you've tried! Therapists have tried! I've tried! No ones good enough! I'm not God enough ! I hate my life! I HATE MY FUCKING LIFE! I FUCKING HATE MY FUCKING LIFE! WHY AM I EVEN HERE!?"
Minhos pov
My eyes widened at the outburst, silent tears falling down my cheeks as I pulled him into my chest. Allowing him to cry his heart out.
" you've always been here to help me with all my problems " he sniffled " it's been getting so much worse since you...since you disappeared. Why did you stop talking to me? I was able to tell you anything without worryingly if youd tell anyone but after I fell for you you left , I dont know if it was because I made you uncomfortable but I needed you."
His words stung my chest " I thought if I left you.... you would get better, falling for someone who wasnt falling for you can make mental health worse...so I just..I just thought I was helping." I brushed my fingers through his hair " I care about you so much jisung "
" you told me you'd never leave but you did" he hugged me tightly
" I'm so sorry " I hugged back even tighter " I'm so so sorry "
" I'm scared , I dont want to live but i dont want to kill myself either" he sniffled
" i know hannie" I replied
" I feel like shit"
I held him closer, his legs wrapped around my waist and his arms wrapped around my chest
" thank you for showing up " he hummed , slowly but surely calming down
I smiled " have you got your bag?" I asked
" yeah"
" wanna skip the rest of the day?" I giggled, ecstatic at the idea of doing stuff with him like the old days.
" yeah" he nodded, allowing me to help him up
I'm so excited to hang out with him and make him feel better again.
