Mine (FreenBecky)

C h a p t e r - 3 0

"You're kicked off the team... I'm sorry... It's not my decision it's the schools."

I know I shouldn't be surprised because I know my grades are shit, but I am.

I walk out of his office without saying another word.

"What did he want?" Becky asks me, but I ignore her and keep walking. "Freen wait!" She follows me.

I storm out of the door. "Freen what is it?" She grabs my arm and stops me.

I pull my arm away. "I'M OFF THE TEAM! THAT'S WHAT HE WANTED!"

"Freen... I'm so sorry."

"YEAH BECKY YOU'RE ALWAYS SORRY AREN'T YOU?"

"You know what I mean Freen... You don't deserve this..."

"YEAH OBVIOUSLY I DO. ONE BAD THING AFTER ANOTHER JUST KEEPS HAPPENING TO ME."

"Things will get better..." She tries to reassure me.

"MY ASS THEY WILL GET BETTER. THAT'S BULLSHIT AND YOU KNOW IT!" I kick the fence next to me.

"Freen just please try and calm down..."

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! I NEED SOME PILLS!" I kick the fence again.

"I thought you were done with that... You promised me..."

"YEAH WELL PEOPLE BREAK THEIR PROMISES BECKY!"

I know I'm pushing her away again, but I just don't know what else to do. She's going to leave me just like everyone else does, so why doesn't she just leave now? I lose everything good in my life...

"Freen please..." She grabs my hand.

I pull my hand away. "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

"What can I do to help?" She asks.

"Nothing. Just leave me alone Becky. You didn't sign up for this... This isn't your job..."

"What do you mean?" She asks.

"Exactly what I said. You don't need to deal with this, or with me. I don't want to burden you any longer. I won't keep having meltdown after meltdown in front of you."

"Freen... You don't burden me at all. I love you, for better or for worse. Right now it may be for worse, but I don't care. I still love you."

"YOU DON'T LOVE ME! NO ONE DOES!"

"I DO! WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING SEE THAT?" She yells back.

"WHY WOULD YOU LOVE ME?! I'M SO FUCKED UP!"

"FOR SO MANY REASONS FREEN! I KNOW YOU'RE THE PERSON I'M MEANT TO SPEND FOREVER WITH!"

"NO BECKY, I'M NOT! I'M MEANT TO DIE ALONE! SO GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE! SOMEONE WITH LESS PROBLEMS, SOMEONE WHO ISN'T FUCKED UP!"

I storm off, and she follows me. "FREEN PLEASE... I LOVE YOU... I THOUGHT THINGS WERE GETTING BETTER!" She grabs my arm.

"I TOLD YOU! DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!" I pull my arm away. "AND DON'T FUCKING FOLLOW ME!" I start to storm off again.

This time, she doesn't follow me. I make my way towards my house, my actual home. I have some pills there, and there's alcohol there.

When I get there, I get my spare key under the mat. I always forget my key, so I just keep an extra one under here. The only other person who knows about it is Becky.

I unlock the door, and walk inside. I go into the kitchen where the booze is. The image of my dad... Just slumped over... Is in my head at the moment.

I grab some vodka, and open in. I just take drink after drink after drink. I want to get drunk tonight. I don't want to feel anything tonight.

I go into my room, and rummage through my things. Finally, I find some pills. I don't even know what they are, I just swallow them down with some vodka.

I spend the whole night getting high in drunk. I switch it up a bit though, I just don't do pills. I smoke weed too.

I look at the clock and see that it's morning. Becky is probably getting ready right now. Yesterday was my last day of school ever. Yesterday was the last day I was ever going to see Becky too.

I swallow a few more pills down with vodka. Tonight has gone by fast, I guess I've been too busy getting high and drunk to notice the time.

I grab my blade, and go into the bathroom and sit down on the floor.

I don't want to be alive anymore. I don't want to live. I've lost everything. I lost my dad, I lost shooting, I'm pretty sure I lost Becky. I fucked things up for good. I have no one else to blame but myself.

It's my fault my dad died, I mean come on. I must have been a horrible daughter. Maybe that's why he beat me. Maybe if I was just good enough. I'll never be good enough though. If I was just home... I could have saved him. I don't blame him for abusing me though, I deserved it. Every part of it. I'm a horrible worthless person. I don't even deserve a life honestly.

It's my fault I got kicked off the swim team too, I mean come on I'm so stupid. I can't even pass a class besides gym. Shooting, was the only thing I was good at. I managed to lose that. I'd never go anywhere in life anyways, so it's a good thing I'm ending mine.

Becky, yes I ruined that. Once again, I fucked up. I also broke my promise to her. She'll find someone better anyways. Yeah, I know I don't deserve her. She's so amazing and perfect... And I'm just me. She would have been so much better off if she never met me. I probably ruined her life. Well I'll be out of her life now, and everyone else's too.

Finally, this pain will end. I won't ever have to feel it again. It's just unbearable, and I can't do it anymore. I really can't. I've waited. I've waited for things to get better and they haven't. I just can't go on anymore. Everyone will be better off when I'm dead anyways.

I do love Becky. I really do. She will be so much happier when I'm gone. She'll just forget I ever existed. I'll be a distant memory at best.

I feel the tears start to roll down my face, as I pick up my blade.

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This is just a story!

Dont ever think of doing these things in real life-

Besides it's just fanfiction:)

Hope you enjoy!

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