This is Recovery. | A SBI Angst|

19

Tommy has a week left of school, that's all he's been complaining about all morning. About how unfair it is that we only have 3 days left. Phil's just been telling him that we have exams and it'll be the same when he's our age.

Techno is allowed back in school for exams which is great. Rumours are still circulating the school which is not so great. Tommy still hates school, but he says he's made a friend named Charlie who reminds him of his care taker a bit. Ranboo is staying home with Phil today, but tomorrow Ranboo's going back to school to finish the year.
I have no clue what happened yesterday with Techno and I don't care to ask about it. He probably got high or drunk.
Exams are boring. I mean they're not supposed to be fun, but come on! Who wants to sit writing for about 3 hours.
We reach the school bus because we were all to lazy to walk in the scorching heat. We get on the bus and go to our usual spot. This time there was no Schlatt. Tommy shifted in his seat. His leg was bouncing and he was picking at the skin around his fingernails. Little beads of blood appeared. He reached in his bag, in the smallest pocket and grabs out the fidget toy I gave him. I smile and look away. Techno was just staring at the ground the whole time with no expression.

-time skip because exams are boring-
Phil comes to pick us up, but we were both a bit hesitant to leave at first because we didn't want to leave Tommy by himself, but Phil reassured us he will be fine.
I wasn't fully convinced, but I left it alone. I only have the rest of this week. My final day is on Sunday. This Sunday. I've got to make the most of it. Starting of with Monday. Today.
I'm going to start off with Tommy. I already gave him my necklace, but I want to write him a letter. I will write letters from them all because I would hate for them to live with guilt. Plus I want them to have a fun summer like how Techno imagined his summer to be like, carnivals, picnics by lakes, arcades, beaches.
I want them to do all that which is why I have to write these notes. I will mainly focus on planning the notes today, so I can get that out the way and have fun. I have two ways I will do this. Pills or going vertically, but that would be unsightly for one of them to stumble upon, so I think pills is the safest option. I don't have a lot of options for pills. I got Xanax and Advil. The other pills are locked up in a cabinet and I'm not searching for the key. I run into my room, throwing my bag on the floor. I slump down onto my bed, tired from today. A few minutes later I muster up the courage to get out of bed and go to my desk. I grab a peace of lined paper and a dull pencil. I decide to start with Tommy.

Dear Tommy,

I stop. I don't know where to start. How do you write a suicide note to your own brother. There's so much I want to say, so much stuff I need to say. Why am I going blank now. I press my pencil to the paper, ready to write.
Nothing.
I lift my pencil up again. I tap it against the desk. It makes little dots.

Dear Tommy, I'm sorry. It's all my fault.

I crumple it up and toss it into a mini trash can on my desk. I grab another piece of lined paper.

Dear Tommy, I know you must think I'm weak for ending my life and that I'm selfish for doing so.

I crumple it up and toss it into the mini trash can on my desk. I grab another piece of lined paper.

I try again, but it ends up in the mini trash can on my desk. I try again and again and again, but they all end of crumpled of in the mini trash can on my desk. I can do better. I just need to. . . Speak from the heart more or as much as I possibly can.

Dear Tommy, I'm sorry for being a shit brother to you. I'm an asshole and I deserve nothing but the

I crumple it up again and toss it into the mini trash can on my desk. I should apologize for being a shit brother to him and Techno and a shit son to Phil. I groan and decide to write them tomorrow.

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Short chapter the next chapter will be the same day it will be Monday still.
Omg I found the perfect thing that describes me Elodie and Otto,
"I would love to tell you that we stayed best friends, but we didn't even keep in touch. All we had was that summer and we grew and we laughed and then we outgrew each other! And that's okay. We're all temporary anyway. It was never meant to last"
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