This is Recovery. | A SBI Angst|

37

(Disclaimer: I forget about small details that I wrote earlier, BUT when I finish this story completely I'll be going over it and fixing everything!)

There's probably a bunch of grammar errors in this since I wrote it within like 20 minutes because I said I'd get a chapter out this month and tomorrow is June 1st...

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Tommy

We're all meant to be having fun today since Ranboo leaves tomorrow, but I'm not really having fun. I feel guilty for having fun without Wilbur. I'm making jokes and laughing with Ranboo because I at least want him to enjoy his last day.

We went to an arcade, got ice cream, looked around the mall for a bit, went out for lunch, and finally we're meeting Tubbo at the park, so we can all hangout together in real life one last time.

When it's time to go, Tubbo starts crying and hugging Ranboo. He's sobbing and telling him he'll miss him so much while snot is dripping out of his nose. Ranboo chuckles a bit at the sight and hugs Tubbo back. It's a nice moment.

"C'mere Tommy! Last group hug," Tubbo sniffles and wipes his snot on his hoodie sleeve.
I chuckle and wrap my on arm around Tubbo and on around Ranboo. Tubbo starts crying all over again and when he stops he wipes his snot and tears on Ranboo's hoodie which makes him giggle when Ranboo gets grossed out by it.

I'll miss this.

It feels like everyone is leaving me. It feels like everything is falling apart. I feel like I'm losing control over my own life.

We drive Tubbo home, then we drive Ranboo to the airport where his aunt and uncle are waiting for him. We can't go past the check in point, but I give him a big hug and say goodbye.

The drive home is quiet. I rest my head against the care door and look out the window. My mind drifts off into places I wish it wouldn't.

When we get home I silently take off my shoes and go upstairs to the bathroom. I grab a towel and place it on the counter and turn the shower on. I let out a deep sigh and crouch down.

I open the cupboard beneath the sink and grab a blade that I hid in there. I lay back on the floor with the blade in my hand. I hold it up in the air and do nothing except look at it.

My mind ran to Wilbur. Why would he try to do that? Does he not care about me? Does he not care I would be hurt? Does he not care that he would never see me again? Do I mean that little to him?

I feel anger bubble up in me. I hate him! He's so selfish! He only thought about the fact that the pain he's feeling would go away! He didn't even consider anyone else's feelings!

I angrily slice the blade across my wrist in a moment of anger. I throw the blade back into the cupboard. I wanna yell. Scream. Pull my hair.

I turn the shower off. I don't care that it obviously looks like I didn't shower.

I go to my room and change into a creeper onesie.

I walk back downstairs. I don't see Techno downstairs. It's only Dad.
"Hey, Kiddo," he softly says. I don't respond. I curl up next to him on the couch with my head on his shoulder. Dad wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer.
"Dad..." I tear up, my voice cracks and tears fill my eyes.
"Shhh... it's okay..." he soothingly says.
"I-I got m-mad and c-cut... I ruined my streak..." I start to cry. "I miss them!"
"Shhh, it's okay... it's okay, just let it all out, Kiddo..." he rubs my back gently and rests his head on top of mine. "One relapse won't be the end of the world... it's okay... just try again, okay? You tried your best and you got so so so far, that's all that matters... you tried, okay...? Don't beat yourself up over it, Sweetie..." he pulls me closer to him and pulls me on his lap. I sob and hug him tightly, burying my face in his shoulder. He wraps his arms around me and holds me close. I fall asleep in his arms like a baby. I was really vulnerable just now, but it felt kind of nice to be able to be like that around someone again.

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😣