This is Recovery. | A SBI Angst|

33

No proof read. I wrote this quickly so it's a bit rushed, but if something doesn't make sense or add up to the rest of the story or the grammar is bad lmk I'll fix it.
It's Thursday. We found out Ranboo is leaving on Sunday.

I also found out I won't be here for when he leaves since I'm going into a mental hospital tomorrow.

I didn't know if I was ready. I was nervous to say the least. I hope there was going to be kids my age.

Dad said I would be there for about at least a week. I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay in my room. In my own bed. In my house. Not with a bunch of crazy people. I didn't have much of a choice because I was a minor. I'd be going whether I liked it or not.
~~~
It was 6pm and Ranboo fell asleep in Tommy's bed already. He must've been tired. Poor kid has been through a lot. He deserves a good rest.

Phil and Techno were on the couch chatting away and I had excused myself from the conversation to go rest.

I hear a soft knock at the door. "come in." I sigh.
Tommy peeks his head in. "Do you mind if I hangout in here for a bit? Ranboo is taking up the whole bed, so I don't have anywhere to lay down. I don't want to bug Tech or Dad right now either."
"Sure, I don't mind." I did mind. I wanted to be alone right now, but I knew Tommy wouldn't be annoying considering his soft and delicate tone which he only does when he's calm, sad, or tired. I scoot over, so that there's room on the bed for him to lay. He quietly tucks himself under the blanket and doesn't speak.
"Is something the matter?" I ask. I wanted to make sure he wasn't sad. He mumbled something incoherent. "Hm?" I hum.
"Wilby... I've been having nightmares recently." His voice was quiet and he couldn't maintain eye contact.
"About?"
"Schlatt." He doesn't explain further, and he didn't need to. I knew what he meant.
"Oh..." how do I help? How do I comfort my little brother who's having terrible nightmares? "They started recently, right?"
"Mhm. I just keep getting nightmares about what happened on the bus and other stuff..." his voice trembles.
"I'm sorry, Tommy... I'm sorry... I wish I could help..." I whisper.
"It's okay..."
"It's not okay... you had so much taken away from you at such a young age... you didn't deserve that... you didn't deserve having your innocence taken away when you were only a child. You deserve better. I'm sorry your life is so fucked up. I'm sorry." My tone was sincere.
"It'll be okay eventually."
"It won't. You'll always have this trauma. It doesn't just go away. There's no cure to trauma." I sigh softly. Tommy turns on to his side so we're facing each other.
"Your right..." he mumbles. "You leave tomorrow right...?"
"Yeah." I wasn't thrilled about it.
"I hope you'll be okay," Tom says.
"Me too." I smile, but it wasn't a very happy smile. "Have you been eating alright?"
"When you were in the hospital I wasn't eating very well. I'm eating alright now though."
"While I'm gone promise me you'll eat and take care of yourself...? I know you'll be dealing with two pretty big changes, but you have to take care of yourself, okay?" I make him promise.
"I promise..." he sounded unsure, but I didn't question it.
~~~
It was 2am, Tommy was snoring lightly beside me, but I was still up. I really didn't want to go to this mental hospital, but I didn't really have a choice. I felt sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Dad said he's driving me there at 7am.

I knew I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep for another hour or two. I turned onto my side and stare at Tommy for a little bit. The way his blond hair covered his forehead. The way he curled up into a ball and slept with his hands under his head. I'd miss this.

I'd miss Tommy climbing in my bed and venting to me. I'd miss eating dinner with my family at the table all together and happy. I'd miss them. I'll also miss Ranboo. Even though we aren't the same age I feel like me and him still manage to get along.

I was a bit sad I wouldn't be able to go on walk alone anymore after what I pulled. Dad said, "never again will you leave this house alone to go on walks, to go to the park, or even walking to the bus stop. Never again, okay?" I get his concern. He doesn't want his son going off and killing himself, or at least attempting to kill himself. Sometimes I think he only says that because if I did try again and succeed -or not- it'd be a burden for him to deal with, and not because he actually cares for me. Realistically -if I get out of my head and daft thoughts- he's still my dad and he must care for me even if he doesn't show it the best.

In some moments I can see that he does still love me and care for me, but other times he seems apathetic towards me. I still love him though. I'll really miss him while I'm away. I'll miss Tommy and Techno too.

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Take care of yourselves! <3
895-words.