A New Obsession

Is This Goodbye?

Danny sat cross legged in the middle of Leon's bed, hugging a pillow. He was completely losing himself. Dozens of strange, violent thoughts passed through his head as he rocked back and forth, breathing deeply and slowly.

He didn't know what to do. He was losing Leon, but he wasn't finished with him yet. Danny croaked out another dry sob and buried his face in his hands. He had been right. Leon wanted him, but for whatever reason he felt they were unable to be together, so he pushed Danny away. Somehow, that was worse than Leon just thinking of him as some slutty fuck buddy.

He hated himself for allowing this to happen. He had known from the very start that this would be a bad idea, but still he had sought after him and pined for his affections. He realized now he was a little fish, and he was dragging behind Leon's boat, connected by a single strand of fishing line. That line was broken the other day, but Danny had forgotten how to swim. So now he floundered in the water, suffocating in his own environment, and still, still searching for the missing end of the line.

Danny was so stupid. He knew better! This had to be Leon's fault. There was no way that Danny would make such a fatal, rookie mistake. He would make Leon pay for what he'd done.

Danny's hand came and slapped himself across the face. He couldn't do that. He couldn't hurt Leon. Even the mere thought felt like a punch to the gut.

No, he could hurt Leon. He would. He needed this. After everything he had done for him, Danny absolutely had to kill that man. Otherwise all of it was for nothing. It would all be worth it if he got to finally hear Leon's last gurgling breaths gasp out desperately as he clawed at Danny's forearms.

Nausea swept over Danny and knocked him onto his side. "I can't! No! Not Leon!" He gripped the sides of his head and curled into a ball, but he couldn't tell if his screams were out loud or not.

Danny didn't know how long he lay there, writhing in his emotional agony, but he must have fallen asleep eventually because Leon woke him up when he got home.

He tossed his coat over the back of the couch and froze when he saw Danny, but Danny just blinked at him. He didn't care anymore, his mind was finally empty. His chest was just a dull ache now.

Leon had a strange, unfamiliar expression as he approached Danny. It looked sad, broken, and almost... understanding. As if he too were struggling, despite the fact it was his decision. He sat on the edge of the mattress and wrapped his arms around the ball of Danny in his bed, but just stayed there like that, holding him.

"I let you fuck me in the bathroom at work, you should be happy right now, shouldn't you?" He murmured.

Danny bit his lip to keep it from trembling. He was empty. He was numb. And besides all that, he was a fully grown man. He wasn't supposed to be crying. But the only way to prevent that at the moment was not to speak, because Danny knew the second he uttered a word he'd be a complete mess again and then Leon would never want him. He would never be able to respect Danny again if he broke down in front of him. And Danny certainly wouldn't be able to look him in the eye.

Leon was quiet for a few moments more, as if to give Danny all the time he could possibly need to think of a response, but Danny remained stubbornly silent, so he eventually spoke again. "You can't be coming here while I'm out, Danny... when did you even steal my key?"

Danny's face grew hot, and burning tears leaked from the corner of one eye despite his efforts. He should've known Leon's next words would be hurtful. He should've shut him up before he spoke, that was Danny's own fault. His breathing picked up slightly, but he clenched his fists in his shirt to control himself.

When Leon pulled away, Danny didn't move. He kept his eyes trained on the ceiling and grit his teeth, struggling to clear his mind, but his emotions swirled in his head, making him dizzy.