A New Obsession

Missing You

Leon resented the aching hollow in his stomach. He hated every second of his plane ride home, but when he finally got the chance to enjoy the comfort of his own house again, he couldn't. He had spent hours just wishing to be alone, wishing for silence and stillness away from the crowded airports. But when his door closed behind him and it was just him alone in his dusty house again, he felt like he would do anything to go back, and have the groups of strangers drown his thoughts out again.

He dropped his keys into the bowl next to the front door and dragged his suitcase upstairs despite his exhaustion and regrets. He needed to get unpacked. He wouldn't allow himself to wallow in his thoughts and ponder the things he'd left behind. Every assignment he was sent on was bound to affect him afterwards, there was no point in lingering on it like that, he should just move on. This mission wasn't even a real job, it was busywork to keep him occupied while his shoulder healed. Which just meant he'd have to go back to work the next day. So he needed to unpack and make dinner in time for bed.

A bottle of scotch sat on the counter as a welcome home present he had gotten himself before he left, but Leon couldn't drink it yet, it was a weeknight and he was jetlagged. It would have to wait. He forced himself to ignore it, but he must have gone on autopilot while unpacking and didn't come back to himself until the glass was already poured and in his hand.

Leon just sighed and shrugged to himself. One drink couldn't hurt and besides, he would probably need it anyway to help him wind down for bed and hopefully get some sleep.

He wondered if Danny liked whiskey. He thought they might have talked about it at some point but he couldn't remember. His times spent in that town were already starting to fade into the past. Leon felt a pang of guilt for already forgetting some of the details about Danny. He had already broken the man's heart, the least he could do was hold onto the memories.

Leon set his alcohol down in front of him and closed his eyes, trying to visualize Danny. His sharp nose and slim face worked their way out of the darkness behind his eyelids. Leon smiled a bit to himself and focused a bit more. Danny had dark eyelashes that almost made it look like he wore makeup. But Leon knew he didn't, because he'd seen enough tears fall past them that they would surely have washed something off by then.

Leon sighed as guilt balled tighter in his gut and punched up into his ribs. He had caused all of Danny's tears, hadn't he? How could he say he loved him when he had inflicted so much pain and sorrow? Danny's thin, sharp eyebrows drew together in Leon's mind as a frown rounded his mouth. His chin got a patch of small dimples when he frowned like that. It would have been cute were it not brought out by such negative emotions.

Leon opened his eyes again and downed his drink, only to refill it again. He felt even worse now, but it was somehow satisfying. He loved Danny's face and he didn't want to ever forget it, even if the only expression he could think of was sadness. He deserved the guilt it brought him. He was the one who hurt Danny afterall. Sometimes guilt is actually appropriate.

Moonlight beamed through the open window, almost obnoxiously bright at this time of night. Leon watched his open bottle slowly get illuminated by the mystical pale glow while he finished his second drink. Funny, he thought, how something so simple could entertain him in a time like this.

He set his glass down and picked the bottle up to refill it again but hesitated and changed his mind. He had originally said one drink, and already doubled that. He didn't need another. He screwed the cap back on and shuffled to his bedroom where he resigned himself to stare numbly at the ceiling for the next few hours until it was time to get up again.

Every time he started to drift off, he would start to hear intermittent stomping elsewhere in the house that slowly got louder until he jerked awake again, his heart pounding in his chest. He wished he'd been told how hard it was to get some simple rest even years after some of the stuff he'd been through.