Teen Titans: How Long Is Too Long?

Chapter 5: Mysteries and Mistakes

*Robin's POV*

So it was a trap. How could I have been so stupid to not have called it off earlier? We should've left when the thought first crept into my mind, we should've been more careful, we...

I... I should've listened to her.

She wanted to leave. Why couldn't I have granted her that? Maybe it was her gut feeling, that she was in danger by staying here, that it was best for herself and for all of us to not chase shadows. Not tonight.

Why is it every night like this with me? Every night I have to learn the same lesson, make the same mistakes, it never seems to end...

And when my stupidity results in her being harmed...

"Starfire!" I yell again, though it doesn't travel far with the rain beating down and blanketing it like a whisper. A great representation of how small I feel. The enemies we face and the perils we put ourselves into, I'm so in over my head... i don't know what I'm doing, I don't know how to fix this. It's my fault and I don't know how to make this better.

I want her by my side, I need to know she's safe. I hate being apart from her like this, hate not understanding what's wrong with her, what happened to her.

"Starfire!" I call out again, and again, and again... "Starfire! Star-"

"Robin!"

I spin around, nearly slipping on the flooded concrete. I'm in a small alleyway between lifting cranes towering over me, and I look up to someone floating over at the same height as the top of the machines.

But it's not Star, it's Raven. A slight wave of disappointment strikes me, until she says, "I can sense someone, I think it's her. Beast Boy smells it too. Follow me!"

No need to tell me twice.

She leads me unto a wooden pier, where I can see Cyborg and Beast Boy already st the far end of it, hunched over a dark figure in the ground.

A figure with candy-red hair that makes my heart feel full, brimming with relief.

I sprint my way there, with the ocean a pitch-black mass swaying below us. Raven lowers herself as I finally arrived, immediately getting down in my knees and searching for her face. "Star?" I call her name, as tenderly as I can muster with all the adrenaline rushing through me. Her eyes are closed and she's laying there motionless. Cyborg has his fingers on her wrist, as if measuring her pulse.

Or just, searching for it...?

I take another look at her, stunned. She's alive, she can't not be, right? So what's wrong with her, why is he unconscious? I don't see any blood, any wounds, any... There are bruises. On her knuckles, on her neck, on her legs. Raven is gently examining them now, but everyone is silent. Why is everyone so quiet?

"Starfire, can you open your eyes for me?" I ask her, bringing my attention back to just her face. It's not colorless, but she's out cold, no response of any kind to my voice. "Star, can you hear me?"

Raven's hood is down. "Robin, we have to take her to the tower. Now."

________            _________           _________

I'm pacing back and forth. Yes, of course I'm pacing back and forth, can you blame me? It's driving me mad. The waiting, the questions in the air left completely unanswered, the mystery behind all of it, and the fact that she hasn't woken up and I have no clue as to why.

I drove back here on my bike as Raven only had energy left to carry Starfire and Cyborg, so they could get started right away with their physical exams and hooking her up to all the machines and everything else that I'm apparently too brute to help with. I can't help with anything at all. I'm the most inept human being ever. I suck as a leader, as a friend, as a boyfriend...

"Fuck!" I grunt, lashing out against a painting hanging on the wall, the only thing within reach that I could throw or kick or punch. Other than Best Boy.

"Dude... take it easy, Starfire's fine, you'll see," he says, trying to find like he believes it himself. He technically came back to the tower with me, morphed as a hawk and flying high above me. Wanting to see I didn't get into a crash or ride right off a ledge, I guess. It was probably Raven's idea too. Because they always seem to treat me as reckless, as someone with a short fuse. It's Starfire's life in danger here, how else do they expect me to deal with it? Do they want me to pretend it doesn't affect me?

Like it's not my best friend we're talking about here, the person closest to me in the whole world, the first girl I've ever - the only girl I'll probably ever -

"We don't know that, do we? We don't know if she's fine now, or how to make her be fine," I reply, as I start pacing around in circles again. Or maybe I'm moving in a straight line. I don't care, I couldn't care less.

Beast Boy is leaning against a wall, taking turns between watching me anxiously and watching the door to the infirmary anxiously. If he's scared too I'd rather hear him being honest, I don't need the stupid everything will be okay and there's nothing to worry about talk. It's meaningless and it's -

"We don't know it, but we can believe it. I choose to believe that she's alright. Who cares if it's a lie? You can believe anything you want."

I stop. I think about what he said, how genuinely he meant it... He's certainly not who I would consider the wisest kid out there but, just now it seemed...

The door slides open and a drained, poker-face Raven appears. "She's regaining consciousness, guys. Maybe you should come in now."