Drunk Hearts

These Pills Were Made for Taking

TW: Suicidal thoughts / attempt

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Kyle had calmed down a bit now, and figured he was a bit harsh on Stan. It's not his fault he has bad mental health. Maybe he should apologize.

He walked towards Stan's door, and took a breath before knocking. He didn't hear an answer, so he knocked again a bit louder. It was kind of late, Stan was probably sleeping. He thought about walking away, but something in his gut told him to open the door.

Quietly, he turned the knob. As soon as Kyle opened the door, he found Stan slumped against his bed on the floor, not moving. Kyle's eyes darted to his surroundings, which were two empty bottles: one pills, and one alcohol. His heart immediately sank to his stomach, and he clutched his chest while running over to Stan. Kyle's sight began to falter, anxiety levels rising higher than anything he had ever experienced.

"Kenny!" Kyle screamed as he knelt down next to his fading best friend. He shook Stan, who opened his eyes momentarily, before swiftly closing them again.

Kenny exploded into the room in a matter of seconds, knowing Kyle's tone of voice meant something was really wrong. He entered the room to see Stan on the floor, Kyle holding his head up, and an empty bottle of pills.

"What the fuck," Kenny grunted as he bent down next to them. Stan let out a staggered breath, it almost sounded like a laugh.

"I came in and and I saw him like this," Kyle explained, trying to catch his breath, "H-he's breathing but I-I think he's drifting off to sleep, I don't know w-what to do."

"Move," Kenny pushed Kyle out of the way and grabbed Stan,  dragging him to the bathroom, placing him in front of the tub.

"Throw it the fuck up!"

Kyle had followed into the bathroom, and sat down behind Stan, holding him steady. Kenny grabbed Stan's face and shoved two fingers into his mouth and as far into his throat as he could. Stuff like this never really phased Kenny, he was used to gross things. He kept his fingers in Stan's mouth until Stan started gagging. He pulled his fingers away, and Stan started projectile vomiting into the bathtub.

"That's it, let it out buddy," Kenny said, rubbing Stan's arm.

Kyle was still holding onto Stan tightly, afraid that if he were to let go, he would lose Stan. Kyle couldn't stop the tears from escaping his eyes, wetting the back of Stan's shirt.

Once Stan had thrown up everything he had consumed, he burst into tears. He was much more awake now, as the heaving brought him back into reality.

"W-why did you do that?" He wailed, "why didn't you just let me die?"

Kyle held him tighter, not responding. Kyle looked at Kenny with teary eyes, hoping he had something to say.

"We will never let you fucking die, Stanley! I'd let myself die a thousand times before I'd even consider you!" Kenny snapped. Now that he knew Stan was okay, he was mad.

He couldn't hold back his sobbing, "I'm tired of living like this!"

"Stay here with him, I'm going to call the non-emergency line and see if we have to bring him in," Kenny said while standing up. Kyle nodded, still gripping onto Stan.

Stan tried to get out of Kyle's embrace, but was too weak. He struggled, but Kyle kept a firm hold, not letting Stan get out.

"Stan..." Kyle murmured through tears.

"Leave me a-alone," Stan hiccupped.

"Why did you do that?" Kyle asked, finally letting Stan go.

Stan didn't answer, instead he grabbed toilet paper and wiped his mouth. He turned to face Kyle, slumping against the wall. He brought his knees up to his chest, and dug his face into his sleeves.

"I'm a burden."

"No you're not Stan."

"Yes I am!" he cried into his knees, not looking up, "I'm a drunk, I'm constantly worrying you and Kenny, I'm a nobody. I'm not going anywhere in life, it's not fair to hold you guys back too."

"You aren't holding us back, we want to help you! I care for you so much! You're my best friend, I don't know what I would do without you," Kyle was full on sobbing too now, staring at the boy in a fetal position.

"Then don't care about me. Hate me, whatever you need to do to let me go."

"I will never fucking hate you!" Kyle yelled, "why the hell would you want that?"

"To make it easier I guess," Stan admitted, "easier to leave."

"God, you're so selfish! Do you not think about how this affects anyone else?" Kyle cried. By now he was digging his nails deep into his palms without noticing.

Kenny poked his head in, interrupting the argument, "hey, I just got off the phone. They said he should be fine since it was just ibuprofen and he already threw it up, just to keep an eye on him. I'm going to get him some water and bread, I'll be right back."

Kyle nodded, then focused his attention back onto Stan, releasing his fists, "please don't hurt yourself again."

Stan lifted his head from his arms, glancing at Kyle with his swollen eyes. For a long time, Stan felt like he had no control in his life, especially due to his addictions. He was slowly turning into his father, and that thought alone was enough to kill him. The only control he thought he had was food, but even that was an addiction of sorts. He just wanted to be free.

"I can't help it! I'm tired of not having any control in my life! I have an addictive personality, and it's exhausting!" Stan shouted back, his body shaking, "I'm addicted to alcohol, I'm addicted to nicotine, I'm addicted to counting calories, I'm addicted to you!"

"Then just be addicted to me!" Kyle yelled without hesitation, gripping Stan's face in his hands. Kyle's cold hands felt nice on Stan's warm face.

Before he could respond, Kyle quickly leaned in and placed his lips onto his. Stan froze, eyes wide open. He leaned in more, slowly closing his eyes, accepting the kiss. He brought one hand to the back of Kyle's neck, closing any space there was left between them. Kyle felt Stan's hot tears against his cheek, and he knew Stan could feel his. The kiss was gentle, and both minds went silent. All the thoughts went away in that moment, and neither boy wanted to be the one to pull away.

Kyle pulled back slightly, enough to disconnect their lips. There were so many emotions flooding the atmosphere, and the two stared at each other with glossy eyes.

"I'm sorry," Stan whispered, "I'm so sorry."

Kyle smiled faintly, and brought his arms around Stan, pulling him into a hug, "I need you."

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Words: 1112