Two Worlds - Namjin

12- Ultimatum

Pov. Jin

I feel a lump in my throat as I take his hand to get us somewhere private. Without asking for permission from anyone, we go to one of the rooms in the house. We can still hear some of the music coming from the other side where everyone is dancing and having fun. But it's muffled enough that we can have a conversation without having to scream. Thank god, because it's already hard enough for me to talk without crying.

- What the hell was all that, Namjoon?!

- I can explain! So...You know how I told you I can get things people ask me?

- You sell drugs! You're a dealer! How long where you gonna lie about this?!

- It's not a lie! I just didn't want...well, this

- Oh, sorry. Would you prefer me to react differently? Hey, Joonie baby, could you please tell me what goes through you super-smart brain when you decide to sell FUCKING DRUGS?!

- O-Okay, you lost the sweet tone there. But listen to me, it's not as bad as you think! I just sell in small amounts and I have my usual clients!

- Addicts, Namjoon. People that have an addiction.

- Not all of them! C'mon, some just wanna have some fun during a party or relax after a long day of work! You don't have to make it a big deal! You said you trusted me!

I need a minute before answering. This is all happening too fast. Of all the things I was expecting this was not even close to being an option in my mind. My very own boyfriend is suppling drugs? A wave of disgust travels through me. I can't help it, I can only think of a bunch of horrible memories of my father's dealer getting him everything he asked for in exchange of the money I worked for. My anger only dies down when I realize I could have an anxiety attack any moment now. Trying to keep my breathing steady, I sit on the edge of the bed in the room.

- Namjoon...I need you to stop doing this

- W-What? Jin I promise I choose personally my clients and it's not as bad as you think

- You have to stop.

- Do you have any idea of how much money I get from this? It's the reason I can take you out to dinner, I can help you gather some money or even plan a vacation. You can't really ask me to leave my job, right?

My eyes get teary realizing what I'm about to do. I wish this was something I could ignore. I wanna be a little more understanding because I know he could be right. I know the bad experience I had is invading this decision. But the truth is I can't avoid it. I can't be with someone that does this for a living.

He doesn't look as sad as he looks frustrated. Like I'm going over the top with it. I take a deep breath to hold my crying and I stand up. Avoiding his eyes I give him a choice while I walk up to the door.

- It's this job or me. You pick.

I leave the room and clean the tear that's about to fall. I take short steps, walking slowly because a huge part of me wants to hear him call my name. Run after me. Promise me he won't do this again. None of that happens. I'm able to leave the party and wait outside for a few minutes with no consequence.

I walk my way home instead of taking the bus. The longer it takes me to get there, the better. I have more time to cry and question myself about everything. If I know Namjoon is not a bad guy, was I wrong reacting that way? But if he knows what I've been through then how can he continue doing that? Am I asking too much? Am I overreacting? Am I being dramatic? I couldn't help it. It hurt so much. As soon as I saw that other guy talk about him like he was able to get any kind of hard drug I panicked.

When I arrive home my heart stops. The lights of my room are on. Fucking hell, I can't deal with one thing before another comes up. I open the door and from the noises I know what's happening. Dad is looking through my stuff again. Acting like I wasn't crying a minute ago, I talk loud enough to make him turn.

- Hi dad

- J-Jinie! You're home early!

- Mhm, what were you looking for?

- I was just...I thought I heard something! I was scared someone was trying to rob us!

- Aham. Did you call the police?

- Oh, there's no need. But it made me think...maybe we should save our money somewhere safe! Because...where do we keep it now?

- It's safe. You can go to bed. Trust me.

He looks ready to argue a little more. If it was up to him he would insist all night long to know where he can get more cash for his bullshit. I'm not in the mood for it and trying to act like I'm tired I guide him out of the room. As soon as he's out I don't say another word and lock the door.

I can't sleep. All I can do is cry. I've seen my father choose drugs over my family time and time again. I've seen it happen to the point my mother left. Even now, with everything I do for us he could throw it all to waste for another taste of that crap. And that only makes me be sure of one thing. If my own father does this...there's no way Namjoon's gonna choose me. Even if it hurts to admit it, the thought of it feels so real it breaks my heart.

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Hi there sadness, how you doing? Ah Jin baby is the one with the saddest backstory in this trilogy.

But next time we'll see Namjoon make his choice. And there'll be a special appearance again!

See you soon for that~

- Baby Y

P.S: Winter Bear is finally on Spotify and I wanna scream. It's my favorite V song 💕 This is why I'm Team Bear and not Team Tiger with him hahaha