Consistent, Inconsistent Mind

- oversight -

Hi loves <3

I want to stress a TRIGGER WARNING, as this piece of text mentions elements that relate to subjects such as, rejection, parental neglect, abandonment, depression, numbness, and more within this realm.  If you think that any of the topics mentioned could potentially cause a unwanted response or trigger you, I advise you to skip this page. This is a poem near and dear to my heart, while it is a way to help me to heal and process, I hope that it can maybe help someone else. I want you to know that you are not alone, and none of this is your fault. Take care of yourselves, and thank you for reading.

- Lots of Love, Ell

a dying tree on No Man's Land.

a child crosses the road with a fatherless hand.

an empty house left to stand.

a plastic bucket and shovel left on lumps of sand.

all of this for one simple, rural misreckoning.

a mind that knows no processing is a mind that knows no understanding.

with every new piece of past undressed you hurt me more.

with every letter, every message, every meeting the more guilt i store.

you break me, and you don't even know it.

you write that you care, but you never show it.

i once was prone to believing in people changing,

but now i have grown too familiar with everyday, you leaving. 

a child of 17 years.

too many lost nights on floods of tears and you not being near. 

stuck, fighting the weight of two walls caving and falling in.

left her to clean the mess of shattered glass and food off the floor. 

you blame the world for the fires and residue

when the fire was aflamed by none other than you.

arson in your own home,

wanting insurance for the damage you caused alone.

knowing not who to hear.

not knowing what i want.

she wanted you there,

nowhere to be found,

and she is far gone and melancholy-bound.

you gave up on me.

you gave up on her in that one picture frame.

you gave up on that thin, white hair.

you gave up on those dark blue eyes.

you gave up on that heart and gleeful soul.

chose not to fight.

chose not to try.

chose not to listen.

in my lap, the work.

the work that i never signed up for.

the work that was meant for you.

the work that you couldn't do.

i look at you with pity,

thinking that he fits in in this large, arrogant city.

i promised my self a happy heart,

foot on the pedal, a car exits the driveway.

heading down highways and byways,

to that little girl's

new start.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read :) It truly means a lot to me :)

I would love to hear your thoughts, feelings and feedback :)