{a special idiot} || Killermare

3:|| Nightmare

He's coming. And he's being casual about it. Like we're best friends or something. My heart beats so quickly and loudly that the entire Mulitiverse could probably hear it. But I don't even care. Because he's coming here. In my room. And we'll be all alone. Just us... Oh, Nightmare... Don't make it weird! You have a chance! With Killer! For Asgore's sake, Nightmare, breathe! It's just Killer. IT'S JUST KILLER!!!

Knock knock.

I straighten up, inhaling and exhaling deeply. It's probably Killer... Oh no... Oh wow... This is happening. I swear I make everything about him a big deal. I stand up to get the door, holding my breath as I lay eyes on him. He smiles like he always does... So warm... My room is generally cold this time of year, being that it is the beginning of June. But seeing him smile... A warm feeling seeps into my bones.

"Fun fact: I'm standing right in front of you," he says, chuckling, his arms playfully folded behind his back.

"You're here..."

"Yep! For emotional support, just like you asked. You're really funny, Boss..."

I hold my hand out stupidly. No way he's going to take it, so why did I bother? But... He does take it, the white pupil in one of his eye sockets twinkling with unbridled compassion. He cares about me... He really cares about me...

I invite him to sit in a red velvet chair under a mini crystal chandelier, which to my surprise and great pleasure, he does. Under the silvery light from both the candles and moonlight filtering through the windows, Killer's smile is brighter than I've ever seen it. I feel my breath catch upon seeing him in this setting... I almost wanted to hold him close. Don't be weird. Don't be weird, Nightmare...

"So... Where's your book that you've been crying over? Is it on the coffee table? I mean, I can't see very well in this lighting. Except you, naturally. I've lived with you so long that it's hard not to see you."

My cheeks finally hear up after these particular words. If he really can see me clear as day, then he could see me blush, and that's no good for me... What if he doesn't see me that way? Oh no.... Oh no... Oh wow, he's amazing...

I get up and walk over to my bed, staring at my feet, feeling the warmness on my cheeks spread all over my body. I've never spent time like this with him before... I don't want it to end. Seeing him happy is one of the only things that brings me genuine pleasure deep down inside of my being.

"On your bed, huh? I guess crying on your bed would be more comfortable than these chairs. Not saying I don't find the chairs comfortable, y'know?"

I chuckle at every little thing he has to say. Because he's funny. Because he's cute. Because he's him. Sure, his clumsiness and utter recklessness in regards to his own health makes me sick and scared for him. But that's out of my pure love for him. A love he'll never know... Because I just can't bring myself to tell him. I've always been afraid of rejection since I was little. That was why I never made new friends. Because I knew they'd say "No". And I hated when people said "No" to me.

"Yeah... They are kinda comfy... I like sitting here. Alone. Mostly I more around on my bed, though. Life isn't very nice to me, y'know? That's why I'm so... Moody and upset all the time."

Killer frowns sympathetically. My heart jumps. Can you blame me for acting this way? When the one person I feel deeply in love with is right in front of me. And we're alone, not that I'd try anything... Weird, y'know? I don't want to lose the strong bond we're growing.

"Yeah, I wouldn't say life is mean to me as much as Cupid. You know how my last relationship went."

I'm surprised he brought it up, seeing how devastated he was when he came home after his harsh breakup with his last boyfriend, Outer. From the start, I could tell he was jealous and manipulative, and I wanted Killer away from him. Now they're over, and Killer has recovered from it, rarely ever bringing it up. Until now...?

"Would you ever... Fall in love again?" I ask. I've always wanted to ask, to see if there's a chance for... Me. But I'm selfish and dumb and... I'm his boss. Why would I ever have a chance with someone like him?

He's silent for a while, staring at his knees, which his chin is resting on. I chuckle to myself as I notice his feet on the chair. For now, I won't say anything. It truly doesnt bother me.

"... I suppose I wouldn't have a choice, would I? You don't choose to fall in love, Boss. Isn't that how it is? Y'know, with this mysterious guy you like? Will you ever tell us?"

I have to force myself not to tell him right here and now. Although in my humble opinion, the setting is just right. The mood is just right. He's just right... The only wrong thing here is me. And it's always going to be me...

"Not until I'm sure of his feelings for me," I mumble, opening my book to hide my face from Killer.

"He probably does like you. You should just tell him, Boss! Don't keep these things to yourself, it's torture. Take it from me! I know a thing or two. In fact, if you ever need advice, I promise you I'm here. For support. No matter what it is. Like, even if it's over the death of a book character you had an unusual attachment to, I'm here for you."

I chuckle. "Thanks for that, I guess. You've got a big heart, Kills. A big heart and an unusual way of showing love. That's why... I love you."