Tmnt Oneshots!

Family

I am SO sorry I haven't been writing much at all! I just got out of school for the summer so I should be able to write some more! Here's a longer oneshot to make up for not writing all that much. I hope you have a great day/night lovelies!! (TW: SH and angst) Don't worry, this oneshot will end on a good, fluffy note.
TCEST AND PROSHIPPERS DNI

Leo's POV:

"Leonardo, with the entire world at stake, the only thing that matters is completing your mission with no hesitation to sacrifice what-or who-you need to."

"You've always been Splinter's favorite!"

"Try harder? Try harder?! I always have to find the solution! You're leader Leo, you find the answer!"

PAIN IS AN ILLUSION.

I gasp, jolting forward in a cold sweat. I try to calm my breathing. "It was just a dream Leo, you're fine.." I mumble, breathing in and out. I can't get these voices out of my head. It shoudn't mean anything, it's all in the past, yet lately it has been preventing me from sleeping. The Shredder is dead, I should be happy. On the downside though, Splinter is gone. He won't come back. Not this time.

I am so exhausted. I feel like I have no one to talk to. When it came to my emotions, I mostly kept it to myself. When it came to being leader and struggling with leading the team, Splinter was always there for me. I know that keeping all of these emotions bottled up isn't healthy by any means, but I feel like I am out of options. I am alone.

Before I can even register what was happening, I feel hot, salty tears running down my face, soaking my mask. Stop being weak Leo. I can't stop. It won't stop. Why won't the pain just stop?

Without thinking, I rip off my wrist wraps. I quickly make a dive for my dagger from my desk, press it to my sweaty green skin, push down, and pull. I repeat this process over and over until I feel I've done enough. Relieved, I look at the blood leaking down my wrist from the art I've made. I sit there, fixated on the blood as it pools onto my bed. Snapping out of my trance I finally realize what I did, and it hits me like a wall of bricks. I should not have done that. Holy shit. Father would be so disappointed. What would my brothers and friends think of me now.

I take a deep breath and head to the bathroom, quietly as to not awaken my brothers. I enter the bathroom and close the door softly then head for the sink. I rinse out my wounds and put fresh wrappings overtop of them. I then slide down to the floor, still not completely processing what I just did and what is wrong with me. Should I talk to Donnie..? No. That's stupid Leo. He is my little brother, I can't depend on him like that. This is my issue and I will not drag him into this.

I sit there for another few minutes and decide to just go to the dojo to practice some katas to distract and clear my mind in a much healthier manner. I know I won't be able to go back to sleep after what I did anyway.
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Raph's POV:

I slowly sit up in my bed, stretching as I look around my room. My gut is telling me that something is definetly wrong and I intend to find out exactly what it is. Yawning, I get up, grab my sais, and creep out of my room. The first thing that I am greeted with is Leo walking down the hall, holding onto his wrist as if it is going to fall off at any given moment. I quickly slink deeper into the shadows to avoid being seen. There's something he isn't telling me.

Following him around the corner, I see him enter the bathroom, tears drying up his face. Fearless can cry. That's not something you see everyday.

I decide to wait for Leo to leave the restroom. While I wait, I feel my mind starting to wander. Now that I am thinking about it, Leo has had really deep eye bags lately and it seems as if he's been avoiding us as well. I am the most observant of the group when it comes to Leo. I am able to read him like a book because of how close we were when we were little. I act like I don't care but in reality, I am very worried. I've been wanting to ask him what's up but I just can't find the right time and place to start the conversation.

"Actually, after he leaves the bathroom would be a great time! Fuck it! I am going to confront him." I vow to myself in a low voice. Just then, Leo walks out of the bathroom and walks to the dojo. What a shocker. He always goes there when he's upset.

I roll my eyes and follow him silently. I stand against the wall until he finally notices I am in the room.

"Raph?-" He questions, very obviously startled and shocked I was able to sneak up on him. "What uh- what are you doing awake?" He clears his throat and straightens himself, trying to not look weak.

"Y'know, I could ask you the same thing." I respond, walking up to him.

He stands there, lost, not really sure what to do or say. I examine him for a minute, then pull him into an embrace. "You know you can always talk to me right?" I question softly. "I care about you bro."

Right then and there, he breaks. He crumples into my arms and I lower him to the ground, never letting go. I can hear his ragged breathing and his entire body vibrating from sobbing. We stay there, not really sure for how long though. Eventually, Leo pulls away from me. I look at him half expectantly, half worried.

Without saying anything, he undoes his wrappings from his left wrist. My eyes widen, unsure of what to think. Neither of us utter a word. After a moment or two, I break the silence. "Leo.." I start.

"No stop. I'm so sorry Raph. I am so so sorry. I failed you guys- I-" He tries, but I take his shoulders and glare at him. "Leonardo shut the fuck up right now." I say angrily. He meets my gaze, expecting to see the regular pissed off look, but intead he sees a terrified one. "Big brother, you have nothing to be sorry for. I love you so damn much and I know I give you a hard time and I definetly don't say it enough, but I do care Leo! You are the best big bro a turtle get ever ask for." I say, tears threatening to escape my eyes. He looks at me shocked. Honestly, I'm kind of shocked too. I never voice how I feel like this. Heh, first time for everything I guess.

Leo begins crying softly and this time initiates the hug. "I love you too, Raphie." Raphie. No one, save for Mikey, has called me that since we were tots. A small smile leaks to my lips as I hug him tighter. Hearing footsteps, I look behind me to see Donnie and Mikey standing there. Mikey, I can tell, really wants to join the hug. That's how he is. Donnie seems unsure on what to do. Using my head, I gesture them to join us. Mikey comes bounding over while Donnie just walks. We all gather into a 'turtle pile'. Normally Donnie and I hate physical contact like this, but I suppose this time is an exception.

"I love you bro..we all do. We are all going to be here for you all throughout this mess, even April and Casey!" Mikey beams, hugging us as tight as he can. Sooner or later everyone is calmer, and our breaths even out.

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No ones POV:

The four turtles were curled up in a pile, fast asleep with Leonardo in the very center. Right then, a spirit of a mutant rat appeared out of thin air.

"My sons. My wonderful sons."

The blue cladded turtle drowsely opens his eyes, swearing he had heard something. Glancing around the room, he spots the giant mutant rat, his idol, his sensei, his father. A soft smile crept to the old rats mouth as Leonardo widens his eyes, not really believing quite what he is seeing.

"Shh, my son. You are safe."  He gently speaks, floating so he becomes eye level with his oldest son. "I am not disappointed in you Leonardo. I never have been. I am so proud of you and your brothers and I am honoured to have been called your father."

Master Splinter hugs the four mutant turtles and Leo's eyes water once more. He finally feels whole. He closes his eyes and leans closer to his family.

"I love you guys." He mumbles before drifting back into a peaceful and well needed sleep.

"I am always here, my sons. You may not always be able to see or hear me, but I am here."

That's the end of this oneshot!
I should be able to post more soon. I think the next one will be something Leosagi related? hehehhe

Also if any of you are struggling with mental health and SH, don't be afraid to ask for help. I am proud of each and every one of you. I know everyone says that it will get better, but I assure you, it will. It won't happen over night. It takes time. But you waking up everyday is absolutely amazing and you should be proud of youself for that. Stay safe <3
                   -Jupiter