Grian angst

Drowning

_________________________________________

Drowning.

What's the difference between ground and water?

Sometimes, it's hard for some people to tell.

On the ground you can't move wherever you'd like freely, you can't learn to fly without a pair of wings. You have to get an elytra or craft a machine, and even if you do have wings, what's the price to use them?

In water all you have to do is swim. you can swim wherever you'd like, with endless possibilities.

The thing water and the ground share is that no matter which you are on, you're drowning. Whether it's the pressure of the water or responsibilities, you'll drown in the inescapable loop of life and death. at least in the water, your death is sooner than land. You'll be free without the weight of the world lying right on top of you.

Permadeath was never meant to be on the hermitcraft server. It was supposed to be a peaceful place. It wasn't a bad experience, it was the best thing that's ever happened to grian. But.. the weight of the past.. no, the world still followed grian no matter where he went.

He was happy, he had friends, so why.. Why does he always stop in the middle of happiness to tell himself it's going to end? That one day all his friends will be gone? That one day.. he'll be lonely again. Maybe.. he already was lonely, and he always will be. It doesn't matter anymore. He'll never be lonely again.

"GRIAN!" someone shouted from the land above, as grian sank more and more into the water. It was peacefully painful, beautiful, and bittersweet. there wasn't just one word to describe it. he felt sad, though, leaving it all behind. it didn't feel right.. but it didn't feel wrong. maybe he just never belonged in this world to begin with. It's.. better this way.

Till he heard a loud splash from above that is. Someone was swimming down to him.. but how? before this grian pretended to put a lot of deadly poison in the water to scare them off.. Did one of them see through his lies? This isn't good.

Grian felt someone tug on his arm and tried to lift him up. Of course, Grian resisted, as always, but couldn't quite shake the person off. He couldn't quite tell who they were, but they felt.. homey. For some reason.. his body couldn't help but start to accept the help, and soon, they were above the water. Grian and the other person were above now, on the floor, coughing up a ton of water. But even though they both were coughing, whoever helped him still patted grains back as he coughed.

"Who?" Grian mumbled as he turned to look at the mysterious person. He wasn't too shocked, though.. of course, it was xisuma. He should have predicted this. Xisuma is someone who would jump into deadly poison for anyone. other hermits started to gather around, all of them worried and shocked. some whispering around in concern for the two who almost died.

"Why did yo-" grian almost asked a question before getting Interrupted.

"How and why did you turn on permadeath?.." Xisuma said quickly, without looking at grian. he was too angry and upset to look at him right now. Grian couldn't speak. No matter what, he said he couldn't fix this.

"Can..we talk more privately?" grian quietly said, glancing at the crowd sounding them.

"Come, I'll take you to a safe place." Xisuma said, quickly getting up and holding onto his hand. (not a ship its just grian almost died 😭) They walked through the nether quickly, xisuma not wanting grian to be there any longer then he needs to be, to a safer place, a little hut built in the middle of nowhere.

"What's this place?" grian asked out of curiosity.

"It's just a thing I made a long while ago, I never used it, but now's a good time." Xisuma said, sitting Grian down on a chair inside of the hut.
Xisuma quickly got one for himself as well and placed it in front of the grain.

"Can you tell me what happened and why you did it?.. I wasn't there so.." xisuma said, obviously very concerned and confused.

"I.." Grian stumbled on his words, not knowing what's best to tell Xisuma.. should he share the truth?

"Please.. be honest with me." Xisuma said, sounding even more upset than before.

Grain's heart couldn't take seeing someone he knows and cares for so sad.. and.. maybe it's better just to tell him all of it. every last bit of it.

"I love hermitcraft. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. yet I just.. can't seem to get the weight of the past off my shoulders. where and who I was before and.. if I can or should enjoy anything I do, that's good." grian said quickly, starting to tear up. This was quite a sensitive topic, so that's only to be expected, though.

Xisuma didn't dare speak, Right now, it's time for grian to open up and spill all the suffocating water out of his lungs.

"I wanted to escape it all, not hermitcraft, but life itself.. I.. I've been planning this for months. I wanted to drown, to feel the water one last time, but it isn't easy when everyone's always wherever you are. so I started to mess around with doc, and doc would mess back, and it was like a fun little war, you know? More people joined, and it was all just fun and games. like how season 7 was with the time machine.." grian giggled a bit at himself, even through his now full tears running down his face.

"Doc is extremely smart.. he could do anything.. So I kept sending hints to him without him knowing they were me, that he should try making some type of poison for anything. He did end up making poison to fuel a little robot he made, cool, right? I also managed to convince him to make a machine that slightly mimics admin powers, which is how I turned on permadeath…Well anyway.. of course he needed help carrying some of the poison over, and that where I took my chance, I dumped a box of poison out and replaced it with colored water, so when I 'accidentally' dumped it in the water, everyone would see the water as dangerous. and then.. I jumped in." Grian said, crying his eyes out through his words.

Xisuma was stunned to think grain would do such a thing. But instead of saying any words, all he gave was a hug, a hug that lasted longer than Grian's tears, a hug Grian needed more than he knew himself.

Everyone else was worried and had many questions that were soon answered in a variety of ways.

Grian still felt lonely sometimes, but it's alright. as long as he stays above ground long enough, all the water inside will fade away.

So, for now, the waters below shall remain empty. Till once more, someone on the ground is drowning.

_________________________________________

E
Words : 1194