Grian angst

A different perspective

Hiiiiiii
Art has nothing to do with story

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The way you see the world, is it different from anyone else's? Does everyone see the same colors? Does everyone hear the same sounds? Does everyone ask these questions? anything related to humans is difficult to quite understand, including those with wings.

The way giran sees the world is it different from anyone else? Does he take flying for granted? or does everyone else take eating cookies for granted? A question everyone might ask, but no one dares ask aloud.

because no one knows the true answer. Because the true question here is, does everyone think the same?

Is it normal to worry about every small interaction coming your way? For Grian, it is. He was never a fan of public speaking or any type of speaking at all. He never minded speaking to a camera, or even people he's known for years, but other people? That's a no-go. It's why he rarely ever leaves hermitcraft, it being his safe place. barely ever participating in Mcc or anything. Not anymore.

When he was younger, he did a few more things, interacted with more people, but nowadays, all those people are gone, and it took forever for him to get fully used to hermitcraft. That's only for the most part as well. Grian still has days, times, and little moments in life where he just.. Doesn't feel as if he belongs. that no one would notice if he just disappeared. Sometimes, he finds himself hoping no one would notice, and one day, he can just fly away to wherever whenever. He would never do so, for he knows there truly isn't any real place for him in the world.

He wouldn't ever kill himself, though; if he did that, he would be just as bad as everyone else who has left him. The places he's been before this, some good, some bad, all leave unhappy memories in the end. He can't help but feel the fear that one day, even hermitcraft will have to leave him. This stops him from ever asking the question deep inside his mind.

"Does everyone think the same?" Grian mumbled under his breath.

"What?" Etho asked from beside grian. "Ah, nothing, I was just thinking aloud. sorry." Grian said, handing etho some redstone. At the moment, Grian was helping etho the best he could on a project.

all of the hermits were making a redstone small mini game with partners. That sounds fun, right? not for grian. not only for the one millionth time does grian struggle with redstone, but he was paired with etho. There's nothing wrong with etho, infact grian admires and appreciates etho a lot. etho is the best in so many aspects, but that's the problem. Grian is nothing compared to etho. He's just a burden. He's just weighing etho down, grian shouldn't be here.

"Why are you giving me your redstone?" etho asked, placing down stuff as they spoke.

"I think I'm just going to go mine for materials you might need. I'm not good at this type of thing, sorry." grian said, lowering his head as he spoke. ethos eyes went lower, along with a slight frown.

"Alright. I guess we do need a few more things." Etho said, quickly writing a list. "Here, this should do." He said, handing it over to grian. Grian nodded in response, then started to get ready to take off with his wings.

"Hey wait grian before you go," Etho interrupted. Grian looked back in confusion and slightly tilted his head to ask what etho wanted.

"Can you try and stop saying sorry so much? I've noticed you have a lot recently, and if you need anything, I'm here. If you're just tired, I don't really need all that stuff either, so if you want, I can finish everything up here." Etho said quickly, trying to get his concerned and gentle point across. "Alright, thanks, etho." grian said, giving a small but visible smile to etho.

He then took off into flight, soaring through the wide open baby blue sky. This was his favorite place. A place with nobody and no worries. He knows that he isn't afraid of people in the end but afraid of himself. Or at least himself making a mistake in front of people. like a fear he can't control. it probably stems from all his old friends, the ones who loved, or even the ones who betrayed him. it doesn't matter now, though, since they all left him in the end.

He knows that etho won't mind if he doesn't get everything on the list. There isn't even that much to begin with. it was probably just random stuff to give grian a break. a break he so desperately needed. Perhaps the reason he needs this break after so long of being fine is because he was fine but never healed. The questions and doubts still linger in his mind, getting stronger every day. That's why he's been feeling more insecure, lost, and scared. It's not okay, and it was never fine.

Perhaps he can just ignore it, though, like a jar floating through the waves. Like no one will ever pick that jar up since it has nothing inside of it. only the treasure maps are cherished, and the jar is just thrown away. maybe that's just who he is.

He then noticed how late it was and that the small mini games festival was already probably close to an end. to his surprise, he did get many worried messages, but maybe they don't know he's just the jar yet.

That's why. He won't go. He'll just watch the final fireworks from afar, where he belongs. He sat down on a cliff, and the fireworks were an easy sight to see. it was a show like no other. The redstoners have spent weeks on it. he couldn't miss it.

"Why aren't you down there with everyone else?" someone asked from behind grian.

"Scar!? what are you doing here?" grian questioned, genuinely confused.

"I came looking for you, Everyone was worried." Scar said, not being as Holly jolly as usual. He seemed a little upset.

"They weren't worried about me." Grian said, quiet but loud enough for scar to hear.

"Huh? grian, are you alright?.." Scar asked, noticing how much grain was shaking.

"All they are worried about is the treasure in the jar, but once you all find out there is none, all I will be is trash in the ocean." Grian said, laughing at his own metaphor. yet he was also crying warm salty tears.

"I don't really get what you mean grain.. but maybe.. you should consider that the jar could be the treasure itself? maybe what we see of you, I mean the jar - is different from what you're even able to see of yourself, because you are the treasure grian." Scar said, gripping onto Grians hands.

"Now come on, the fireworks look better when you're with everyone else." Scar said, rushing down the cliff with grian.

"Scar, I know a quicker way." grian said, picking up Scar in one scoop.  "geh!" Scar exclaimed, surprised. Then grian flew off with scat in his hands, him being much faster than the average elytra. They made it there in no time.

they didn't quite land in the center of the people though. In fact, none of the hermits even saw them come in.

"Alright, let's go with the others now!" Scar said, starting to run over.

but grian stayed right in place, happy with where he was now. Scar looked back when he noticed grian wasn't following him, but instead of forcing him to go, he let him be.
One step a day, and maybe then grian can join the crowd with no fear at all.

For now, it's alright just where he is, improving, but not perfect.

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Improving takes time. As long as you try, you're doing good.
words : 1326

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