after they met her

one

i v a n a

I stared into my dull brown eyes. The rain made me look like a water corpse that came back from the dead to seek revenge for whatever reason.

I sighed while searching for my foundation. The rain washed away the makeup I put on to look like a decent human being.

With a brush I applied the creamy stuff under my eyes. After this part was done I covered the red spots on my cheeks. I heard my boss calling for me.

Maybe he would strangle me to death if I got on his nerves long enough. I shook my head. This was a stupid thought.

I was too afraid to die anyway.

I set my work uniform straight and looked at myself one last time. I put on a grin. My eyes watering at this excuse of a decent smile. I am such a hypocrite.

I took a deep breath.

The sound of the rain hitting against the window made me feel comfortable. I almost forgot the anxious feeling in my chest and I almost closed my eyes to listen to the old song playing through the speakers.

After I left the bathroom I immediately started working. "Welcome at Snackpacks, let me show you a free table."

The diner was located at the exit of a high way, we had a lot of customers coming in and out everyday.

It was nice working here, listening to different storys, talking to my colleagues. I liked to stay busy. I felt normal. As if I was a part of something.

After I finally got the courage to leave the orphanage I immediately started working. It was a necessity so I could pay the rent. I had my own place. They didn't care much, it was just how things were.

They never cared enough. Though I didn't really had much of a choice. If I didn't leave this hell hole, I would have gone insane. It was just too much. At my last day at the orphanage I understood, either I was leaving or dying here.

My motivation to leave came out of the blue. I just dropped out of my last year of high-school, packed my bags one night and never returned.

It was for the best.

Everywhere is better than there. I would rather work myself to total exhaustion than life with those people.

After finishing my double shift I was happy that today wasn't such a lazy day. I always take the same route home. I can't really change it though even if I wanted to.

It was a bus route.

I always hurried home, I had to get some rest before leaving for my part time job as a cleaner at a convenience store.

My bottom lip started trembling as I shut down the door to my flat. My head hurt and I felt the exhaustion spreading through my bones.

I hated receiving letters and I hated my weak body. After a long work day I found three letters in front of my door, my day couldn't get worse.

There wasn't anyone to write me something nice, so all I got were writings full of debts and taxes.

My pitiful self tossed the letters on my kitchen table as I rushed to my one and only true love, my bed. I coughed as I pulled the blanket over my feet and felt my eyelids close. I hugged my pillow and listened to the sounds outside.

When I saw families in public I didn't believe in their happy acts.

It just couldn't be true. It didn't make sense to me. A father, a mother and two siblings walking down the streets. Laughing, talking or just enjoying each others presence. Unconditional love from a partner, from a parent, from a sibling? No.