Memories That Still Haunt Us

Chapter Twenty-Eight:

Beck cannonballs off the side of the pool onto the giant Puff the Magic Dragon inflatable. The water splashes me. Thankfully, the pool is heated, despite the hot month, the water isn't warm enough yet without heating it up. It's still fighting to catch up after a dreary April.

Beck is a surprisingly good swimmer for his age. I've never been the strongest swimmer, and he's easily outshining me as he swims into the deep end, diving to the bottom to grab the rings I toss for him. I adjust my floppy sun hat and lean back on the second step. Only the upper part of my body is out of the water, getting darker by the minute. The large tree that looms over the back fence, blocking us from the neighbors, blows lightly in the fresh summer breeze. The air smells of freshly cut grass and chlorine and Beck's sunscreen.

I imagine us lounging by the pool most days this summer, Beck splashing in the pool, and Ellis wandering outside to join us on his breaks. I imagine him wading in the pool with me, arms wrapped around me from behind. Splashing and kissing and watching Beck play. The sun creates this perfect mirage in my mind as I mindlessly continue to toss the rings into the deep end for Beck to dive for. Not paying too much attention to if he's tiring out or if he needs more sunscreen applied. I'm lost in my own mind.

When it's just Ellis and me during the week, it feels like this is my life. My husband, my son, and my house that I'm cleaning. It all feels like I've stepped into a dream world. I'm lighter and more relaxed. I'm happier. Then Millie comes home, and I'm back to reality. I'm reminded that, no, I'm nothing but the nanny, and that life of make-believe isn't real.

I try to enjoy these days while I can. Dragging the week out as long as possible. Allowing my fantasy to take hold.

Beck suddenly snaps me from my daydream as he yells out, "Dad!" followed by splashing in the pool, causing some of it to leave droplets along my chest and stomach. The water glistens in the sun, cooling me down. "Come get in the pool!" Beck grabs a pair of goggles off the edge of the pool and pulls them onto his face.

I look behind my shoulder, lifting my floppy hat enough that I can see Ellis shutting the door behind him and stepping towards the pool, the shade from the covered patio hiding most of his face. I squint my eyes and give him a smile. He's so sexy. A Fourth of July popsicle dangling in front of me that I want to lick clean. He's dressed in his work attire, except his normal long-sleeve button-ups have changed to short-sleeve button-ups that allow me to admire the tattoos on his right arm that were always out of sight in the cooler months. "You coming to join us?" I say to his shadowed figure.

"Just checking on you."

"Dad, come swimming!" Beck continues to beg.

Ellis shakes his head. "Another time."

"Are you on break?" I ask.

"I took the rest of the day off."
My grin deepens in surprise. "You did? Well, come in then!" I wave him in. "Don't be lame." I sing-song.

He shakes his head again, his eyes looking back towards Beck. "Are you hungry for lunch yet?" He diverts the conversation, and I wonder why he's being so weird. Why did he take the day off if he isn't going to spend it with us?

"Yes, please." Beck says. "Can I have strawberries and peanut butter jelly?"

"Sure," Ellis says, and he goes back into the house.

I look over at Beck. "Does your father not enjoy swimming?"

"No, he swims all the time with me." Beck says and swims over closer to me. He jumps up and down in the water in front of the step I'm on, leaning in close. He waves his hand, gesturing for me to lean closer too. I move forward on my knees, my face closer to his, my floppy hat shading our faces. "What's up?" I ask.