Reader x Gwen - forever

13: trouble in paradise

A few months had been and gone since dusty's birthday celebration. This meaning that Levi and I had been dating 4 months now and I can't lie I am happy, probably the happiest I've ever been in my entire life but something inside me- deep inside there's something pulling me away from him.

"Hey Doctor, I've been looking everywhere for you"
I walked into his fathers office at the hospital, sitting down on a chair beside the desk.
"Sorry love I was in surgery, just got out actually"
I looked down at my hands unsure on what to say,
"How did it go? Was it a success?"
I knew from the look he gave it was not I should've known he had a bad day the moment I walked in he's sullen, walking slouched, his eyes almost watery.

"No, the patient died before I could fully contain the bleeding in the brain"
I watched as he goes to pour himself a cup of what I can only assume to be alcohol, I got up, put my hand on his causing him to look at me,
"Don't." I said softly
"It won't do anyone good you drinking on the job"
He looked at me, he didn't say anything he just stared, his eyes were soft. he wanted to cry, he didn't but he wanted to.
I didn't know what to do, I wanted to help him in anyway I could, he was blaming himself you don't have to be a doctor to know that.
So I hugged him. That's all I could think of to do was hug him though he still didn't cry he held on tighter than he ever had before.

I stayed a few hours more but I had to leave, Gwen was waiting for me to get home so we could study together before English finals on Monday. I put my cup of coffee on the table hugging him once more before grabbing my bag to leave,
"Won't you join me to dinner tonight? At a restaurant?"
I looked at him smiling
"Of course, pick me up at 7"
"7"

Now I had something to look forward to, Of course I look forward to studying with Gwen but this was different we hadn't had a dinner date in a while, it was the perfect start to a weekend before finals week.

~~~

I got back to my house in enough time for at least 2 hours of studying before my date but Gwen didn't see this as a good thing.
"But you promised a full afternoon of studying and that I could stay over for movie night!"
I felt bad I did but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to go on this date with my own boyfriend, what would he think?!
"I'm sorry Gwen I can only do a couple hours then how about you help me pick out what to wear?
Gwen looked at the ground then back up at me smiling slightly,
"Yeah okay"

So that's what we did, we studied for a couple hours though we didn't do much studying than more talking about Shakespeare and his work that we both adore, then we picked out my outfit which was a beautiful green slim fit dress that Gwen ended up gifting me in the end.
"You look stunning, absolutely gorgeous darling"
I laughed looking at Gwen look at me through the mirror, something stirred in me, something telling me to stay, don't go and stay here with Gwen but I simply couldn't, I had promised Levi after all.

So I rushed downstairs as the doorbell rang and said my goodbyes to Peter and mum then to Gwen,
"I'm so sorry again Gwen, we can still do movie night we will only be 2 hours if that, please stay here Peter and may will keep you company for the time being wont you guys?"
"Yeah of course"
"Sure" they both replied
"It's okay darling, go"
I let go of Gwen's hand with one more apologetic squeeze,
"Okay bye guys"
I opened the door pushing Levi who was about to walk in back out the door with one more quick bye.

~~~

The restaurant was lovely, The waiters couldn't be more polite and Levi couldn't be more happier but me? My head was in a different place I couldn't concentrate on anything or anyone I couldn't help but think about leaving Gwen alone after I had promised her I'd be there tonight, but then I kept thinking back to Levi every time he tried to speak to me. How awful I am tonight, I can't even give my boyfriend the time of day because I keep thinking about her. I straightened up and took a sip of wine taking hold of his hand to tell him 'I'm here don't worry' but I wasn't there really at all, I just couldn't stop my mind from wandering back to her, maybe this was a sign? Break it off with Levi and go for it with Gwen? I doubt it I think I was just feeling bad that I left her maybe I don't like her at all, it's just a bad day, he caught me on a bad day and I can't give him the best of me not tonight.