〔 trained to survive 〕
i am extremely grateful
for the live i've been living
in recent times.
i used to survive
a bland life
without any risks.
i have learned in recent times
how to live.
i have been hurt once again
but i have gained back my strength
and i am striving towards
the finish line of recovery—
the only race i've been allowed to run.
if you told me last year
i would publicly speak
with little fear of doing so,
i would've called you insane
there was no way
i would subject myself to that torture.
yet here i am.
i've gotten used to being bored
and bored means i'm suffering
so instead,
i'll continue to choose to suffer
in small spurts
rather than subject myself
to suffering for months on end.
never again.
never again will i allow myself
to hit rock bottom
without grasping for a ledge.
i used to survive
a bland life
without any risks.
i have learned in recent times
how to live.
oh, how sweet it feels
to feel so alive
