Breaking Point

Do you trust me?

Day 1.
Breath in.
Breath out.
Repeat.
Breath in
Breath out.
Repeat.
Breath in.
Breath out.
Why do I want to continue to repeat this again? All I wanted was to do right by my sister. That's why I am repeating this again. And again. Day after day. I've trained all summer now. Now they will give me my own cabin. Now they will let me be on my own. Now they give me a means to write. Now they trust me. Trust. Do I trust them? No. Not entirely. But I will listen. I will obey. I will because maybe I can do some good for others. Maybe. I'll play this game though. For now.
__________________________________

It's been a week since the sirens sounded. I had been instructed to stay in my room. Burk had been by to check on me and found me, just outside my room, fear all over my face. I am strong though, even in my moment of fear.

I've gotten used to taking dictation now, and I'm slowly getting better at it. I'm enjoying my time with Mr. Alexander, I didn't think I would because of how stern he is.

He seems to be distracted more recently, like something is bothering him. I wonder what?

Could it be the ships from earlier this week? Why would that bother Mr. Alexander? Isn't that just a concern for him? I wish I could learn of his name.

The routine of things is finally setting in, though it took this whole week since the disruption of those Resistance ships. He had them blown to bits. I saw it. I felt the pain of their families back home. What did the Resistance seek to gain of this?

How did they know the whereabouts of the ship? Was there a leak in The Enlightenment's capital team- besides me? Not that I had been able to take note of much to send back yet. But I would. Soon. After I find time to schedule it in. Every day has seemed like a chore.

I awake early. I dress, eat in the small dining quarters, meet Mr. Alexander in his personal cabin, and begin my tasks. Dictation is one of the few things I must do, as well as keep his desk tidy, but never go through his drawers. I don't. But I wonder what's in there that may help the Resistance.

Also,  he asks me to schedule boarding plans for soldiers and sailors; I'm just finally getting an understanding of that, and it's been almost a week of being here. I must keep track of these things so that I may send back meticulous reports.

I finish the morning's work and have my lunch in his cabin while he assists other duties to which I'm not privy. This is the time I take my notes. Quickly. I then slip everything back into place like I never touched a thing. But I do not mess with the drawers. I hope soon to have that bravery. But what if it's a trap? Just to see if I'm loyal. I don't know.

He then comes back and I am occupied by a stack of order requests, complaints, and a slew of needless inquiries. I do my best. The more I do, the more I realize how little of an understanding I really have.

When all my daily tasks are completed, I straighten the top of his mahogany desk and gather my things: a pen, notebook, and lip stick- which I re-apply before heading out.

Burks, or Daniel as he has me call him now, walks me back to my own cabin and typically has been having dinner with me. I like to keep dinner in my own room, I don't much like the conversations of the other men. But he seems polite, even though the rumors suggest otherwise. I'm not sure what to believe about him. He's only treated me with respect, though I'm sure that's what he did with Lisel at first.

Today is almost done, Daniel will meet me soon and we'll have dinner together. Then I will fall asleep and repeat these steps- for how long? The thought suddenly pulls at me. What am I doing here, getting comfortable?

"Miss. Gambit," my head snaps up at the cold tone in his voice. Mr. Alexander had caught me daydreaming. Again.

"Sir." I nod and go back to my assignment.