Gray Ghost - License to Kill

Chapter 7 - A trip to the doctor's office

The trip to the lake was a much-needed mental break for me. It was even better to be there with Kimberly enjoying the moment. We just enjoyed the sun, the water, laughed and got my mind off the current situation with Ghost Squad.

As the day on the lake came to an end, my mind shifted to the dilemma I face when I return. When this first started, things felt different for me. I felt like I was doing things that helped improve the community. I felt like I was an asset to society for once in my life.

I sat at the lake and watched a family out there. I watched as the dad was teaching his young boys how to fish. All of them had to a bright neon green t-shirt with some white shorts. On the front it said "Jones' Family Birthday Trip" in yellow letters on each shirt. On the back of the man's shirt it said "30th Birthday Boy". The two little boys shirts read "Dad's Birthday Party Crew" in big bold letters. On the back of the ladies' shirt it read "It's Hubby's Birthday".

I could not stop focusing on this man and those shirts. Every time I looked at his face, I had a flashback. I saw a vision of a mission I executed on a man's 30th birthday. I saw a bullet hole in his head with blood running down the bridge of his nose. I saw that man lying on the ground with his eyes open looking back at me. I glanced back to see the sun reflecting off the face of his watch as I walked away with him lying there by the passenger's door of his car in his driveway.

I recalled a lady walking out of the house as everything seemed to be in slow motion. I heard her screams as she ran to the car to his side. She fell to her knees beside him screaming at the top of her lungs, "help". She was oblivious to anything going on around her, as you could hear the pain in her cry from losing a man she loved.

I turned my head and kept walking away. Her screams became fainter with each step I took. I turned the block and kept walking until I could not hear her screams any more. I learned the lesson that day to never look back. In this world, when you look back you only see the carnage you have created. You only see the tears you have caused. You only see the families you have ruined. You can never look back.

Then I recalled, that man in the driveway was another one of my assignments, that I carried out without questioning the mission. I knew nothing about why he was one of my targets. For all I knew, he could have been an innocent man that stepped on the wrong persons shoes and was executed for doing it.

That man on the lake could have been the guy laying in the driveway. Those two boys could have been that man's kids and never had a chance for their dad to take them to the lake to learn how to fish.

I was not sure any more if I was the one helping the community or the one being a detriment to the community. I was acting as the judge, jury and execution for young black men that never got a chance to tell their side of the story. They never got a chance to prove that they were innocent.

I was not sure if my inner conflicts were real, or just my conscious had reached a tipping point. The trip to the lake was therapeutic in that I was able to just get away and relax. But, it also created more questions about the work I was doing and whether I could continue down this path.

"What is on your mind, you been awfully quiet on the ride" Kim said breaking the silence on the ride home from the lake.

"I am sorry, a lot of work stuff was on my mind" I responded to her not being able to go into too many details. I looked at her and smiled.

'Why are smiling" she said.

I didn't know how to answer that question. Yes, I liked her. The smile was about the possibility to getting to know her. Ghost Squad had made having a personal life impossible. I drove thinking about being able to sleep at night with a woman next to me.