Malcolm Mclaren Imagines

Accept

I sat snuffling and sniffling, wiping my eyes so much they had become sore. But I couldn't stop my tears. Oftentimes bringing a cigarette to my lips sucking in the toxins and blowing out the smoke in the hope it would calm me, but I was beyond that now. My mind spiralling down alice's rabbit hole of utter insanity thinking of the worse of everything to come.  

"Hey, break time was over a while ago" Vivienne spoke up she had come to the stock room leaning on the wall to the corridor in her tartan jeans and one of her loose white printed shirts, she rested her hand on her hip as she looked me over on my little chair surrounded by boxes of leather and shirts

"Yeah sorry - I'll get" I began wiping my tears and putting my cigarette out on the broken window trying to straighten myself up even if without a gasp I crumbled apart again 

"Hey. You're not going out there till you get straight." she says stepping over looming over me "What's the matter?"

"I'm just feeling kinda weird is all" I answered balling the issue in my hand even if it was barely a tissue any more given they had given it to me hours ago,

"You know that's bullshit and so do I. What's the matter?" She asks sitting on a box beside me

"I had a doctor's appointment this morning"

"What did you find out?"

"Well... I found out." I sighed "I'm pregnant" the moment those words left my lips tears flooded down my cheeks and I felt short of breath my heart racing but I kept myself straight wiping my tears as best I could trying to stay strong as this was the first time I had myself uttered those words

"This your first time?" 

"Yeah," I nodded 

"Who's the father?"

"Who do you think?" I sighed trying to focus on the ceiling, for one to stop my tears, and another to try and prevent the wave of awkwardness between us, I wouldn't feel this way telling Chrisy, or Jordan but Viv... it was different to tell her this. 

There was a silence between us for a moment but it wasn't awkward silence more a quiet understanding we made eye contact and it was like we shared a feeling, shared a way, knowing how this is something we now shared.

She got a cigarette box from her pocket giving me one and taking one for herself lighting them both with her zippo, she let out a long drag tapping the first of her ash onto the floor "He won't give a shit. You know that right?"

"Yeah. I know" I nodded 

"For all intensive purpose's your doing this on your own. You have to accept that. because he won't help you. not a foot rub, not a held bag, nothing." 

"I know that. Malcolm doesn't like kids I'm not gonna change that." 

"smarter girl then most." she chuckled as we smoked between us "So many think they can take a man like that and change him. he's a man he's not clay. there stubborn and they'll kick and scream no matter what you try and do" she says "I hope your ready, for whining, complaining, shit being everywhere, not getting any sleep"

"That the baby or Malcolm?"

she chuckled "Both." she says "Sometimes I swear he woke me up more then joe did"

"Not gonna lie Viv that doesn't make me feel better"

"it wasn't meant to. It's hell I'm not gonna sugar coat it for you." she says "its the worse nine months of your life and the only way out of it is the most painful thing on this earth, and from then on you have eighteen years trying desperately not to fuck it all up"