Dear Haru - Haru x Rin

Dear Haru

A/N
Okay so a lot of the details in this are inaccurate because this was kind of a spontaneous "I'm in a writing slump" kind of thing but a couple of my friends said I should publish so um yeah. Here it is.

Dear Haru,

There were so many things I didn't tell you. Every time I tried to say something to you, I would either end up screaming or crying. I'm sorry.

There were so many things.

Like the time when we first swam together as kids, I didn't tell you how much I wanted to be like you, how free you looked while you were in the water, and how jealous I was of you.

Like in middle school, when we finally became friends. I didn't tell you how great it was to have you as a friend, how thankful I was that you were always at my side.

You sent me so many cold glances, Haru, but I could tell you didn't mean them, because you always helped me out when I needed you to. Like the time I forgot my lunch, so you shared yours with me, without me even having to ask.

Like the time I laughed so hard I fell into the pool, and you dragged me out, and then lowkey made sure I was okay.

There were so many things.

Like the time in middle school I wrote 'For The Team' on my brick and, of course, I meant for the entire team, but you always stood out Haru.

Like the time I told you and Makoto I was moving to Australia, and you lost your blank expression for a minute and you looked so sad. I felt so bad, Haru. I really did.

Like the time I asked you to swim in the relay with me. Before that, you only swam freestyle, and my heart was beating so fast when you said you would. You broke your boundaries for me, and I almost hugged you right then and there. I don't think I understood what love was back then.

Like the time I said, "Romantic, right?" and your face faltered for just a second. I think even I thought I was joking back then. I've come to realise I wasn't. And the scene that day was so pretty, us stood there, under the cherry blossom tree, talking. I loved that day.

I loved middle school, Haru. You made it special, but then I moved to Australia, and we couldn't see each other any more.

There were so many things.

Like the fact that, when I moved to Australia, I could hardly speak English and no one wanted to be my friend, and at that time I missed you so much, Haru because you accepted me and god, I missed you.

Like the fact that I went to the beach in Australia and I looked at it and it made me feel so much calmer because it reminded me of you. I looked at the ocean and it felt as if you were there with me.

Like the fact that, in Australia, I found out that I wasn't as good at swimming as I thought I was and I kept thinking 'If I can't even swim well, then what the hell can I do well?' Because that was the one thing I thought I was good at, but I could hardly compete with most of the guys on the swim team at my school.

Like the fact that you were the reason I survived while in Australia because the thought of you kept me going. Even in the hardest times, you were the reason I tried my best.

And then I came back to Japan. And I'm not sure why I kept it a secret from you, but maybe it was the fact that I just didn't know how to thank you. I wanted to see you again so badly but I didn't know how I would react so I kept myself away. I mean, there were so many things that could've gone wrong. I didn't think I would be able to bear it if something went wrong.

There were so many things.

Like the time you found out from Gou that I was back from Australia, and I didn't give you a good greeting because I didn't know how to convey my feelings. I just wanted to hug you, kiss you, anything! But I didn't.

Like the time I finally won the race against you, and I felt like maybe it had gotten rid of the 'stupid middle school crush', like maybe I had proven something to myself. But then I saw the look on your face and I realised that it wasn't just a stupid middle school crush and that I really did like you. And, god, seeing you like that hurt, but I had to keep up my act. I couldn't do anything.

Like the times we swam together in races and it felt so good, so natural to be in the water with you again. We weren't swimming a relay, but that was okay because swimming with you was enough. Then, when I looked at you, I couldn't help but smile because, damn. You look adorable when you've just come out of the water.

Like the time when I couldn't swim well enough in my race and I was outside crying. You came to find me and I wanted to hug you so bad, Haru, I swear. But I was so mad at myself that all I could do was shout. Then, I saw where you had written 'For The Team' in the sand and I couldn't hold it in any more. I burst out crying because I loved you so much Haru and I couldn't believe that you had actually remembered the phrase that I had written on that wall we stood next to when I told you I was moving. And then, you had written it, without even knowing I would see it. You thought about me.

And, after that, Haru, I realised that I loved you. I loved you so much, but I was so bad at conveying my feelings and I knew you didn't love me back. I could tell and it broke my heart.

But then, there was the one last thing.

The time you called me over to Iwatobi to swim in the pool filled with cherry blossom petals and, yet again, another thing I couldn't believe you had remembered. I couldn't believe you had remembered a wish I had made years ago, and then made it come true. I really didn't want any more reasons to fall in love with you Haru, but you just kept giving them to me.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I love you and I have done for some time now. You don't feel the same way, but thank you. Thank you so much Haru, for everything you've done. You've helped me so much throughout my life and I can't even express how thankful I am.

But none of this matters now... Because I'm moving again. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, just like when I went to Australia, but I needed to get all of this off my chest and I wasn't sure if I could stand to tell you all of this in person. I think I would've ended up finally kissing you, and you don't want that.

So, I'm sorry Haru.

Thank you

Rin